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Thread: ritual abuse desperate parent

  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    ritual abuse desperate parent

    Well I don't know where to start but I was so appreciate people advice.

    My son has been ritually, sexually abused by some one in a very high position to him a school teacher at a Christian school. As we deal with the emotional pain, suicides attempts on his behalf and flash backs it has been one of the most disturbing times. The police have been wonderful but at this stage he is not strong enough to prosecute. We are trying to keep him alive. The programing has been huge and the triggers and the nightmares daily have been horrendous.

    Because of the nature of what has happened and the disbelief in me that something this cruel could really exist in society I'm struggling to deal with this. This person is a pillar of society and is almost beyond reproach... He portrayed a Godly man almost a saint.

    The evidence is high as other teachers saw and in appropriate bond and did report it to the headmaster but know one realised the depth of what was going on.

    This information is new to us and we are the ones dealing with the hurt and the pain. My problem is that some one who we care about and love has heard the story and has decided that they think my child is suffering from false memorise. Because how could this be true.... Why did he not tell any one over a period of 3 years approx. what was really going on. Why did part of him love him the abuser and the other part was so terrified to comply.

    Please does any one have any advice....

    The information that I've heard as a parent is so disturbing I can't even speak it...

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    the most important thing, in my opinion, is to listen to, to support your son as best you can. facts may come out that are conflicting, stories might be confused as we often dissociate during those periods and have only partial memories. our minds fill in the gaps often trying to make sense of something totally illogical. sometimes the info added is not factual but based in truth. second, how we perceive the event/s is much more important than what actually happened. think of it this way... two people are in a car accident, one walks away without any lasting effect, the second is traumatized and needs professional help to overcome ptsd. often that second person is told "get over it, it wasn't that bad." to me that is one of the worst things to hear, dismissing my feelings, minimizing my experience and worst of all, making me question my own perception, reality.

    professional help would be helpful to your family as a whole. i imagine you are feeling some guilt over this which can complicate issues. it would be helpful if you can be supportive while maintaining your own balance. as parents, we become entangled as we fear the worst. having outside support for yourself will help you to be better support for your son.

    when he is ready, and if of age for our site, he might want to come and talk with others here. many have experienced a similar background and can offer support, an understanding of what he is experiencing. it's truly helps to know that you are not the only one. we often feel isolated in dealing with this. professional help is essential imo but sharing with others that understand first hand what i experienced is healing.

    i wish you and your family the best in this terribly difficult time.

  3. The following 5 users say thank you to terry for this useful post:

    Jejune_Star (12-10-2013),Manya (12-10-2013),nancy (12-11-2013),Tasha1701D (12-15-2013),weepingwillow (12-10-2013)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Southwest US
    Yes, please.

    My heart goes out to your family

    As someone who has experienced RA, the greatest thing you have done is listen and trust that this is true. For me that never happened, not one person in my family believes.
    You do not know how precious your belief and your protection will bring to your child in the future. And finding someone who will listen to your frustration and fear is invaluable. There is nothing that you could have done to prevent what happened--these predators are incredibly cunning and intelligent. If you would like to email me privately, I have a link that I can share to give you more information. This is credible information. (moderator--I will share with you as well.) it is as close to my experience as I have seen. I do not want to post publicly because of its nature. It will give you great insight, and may be able to help you further understand what went on, and how to help.

    Thank you so much for paying attention. It takes incredible strength to allow the truth to be heard and to act on it. You have my support. Already you are a remarkable parent.


  5. The following user says thank you to marygirl for this useful post:

    Jane (12-11-2013)

  6. #4
    Unregistered Guest
    Thank you so much for your support.

    Trauma treatment will start with the heath professionals next year for my son. The biggest issue they are trying to deal with his flash backs and the night terrors.

    You are right the shame I've felt as a parent has been huge. I thought this teacher was incredible and the help, support was brilliant that he not only offered to my son but to also our family. I've since learnt about grooming... Terrible way to find out about it.

    Due to the nature of this we have had to send him some where safe to another town. A place where we are not worried about connections... He has told me at this point he's so afraid of this person if he come into his life tomorrow the fear is so high that he would go with him.

    I don't understand it how some one can have this much control.

    Thank you so much for this site and to the people that replied. This is early days for us as a family to get our head around this and I'm trying so hard to get information. I can't change what has happened but I'm trying to help as much as I can with the recovery process.

  7. #5
    Tasha1701D's Avatar
    Tasha1701D is offline Fort Security Chief & Stargazer
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Penguins & hugs work, no prayers or religious refs
    I just wanted to write and say that I'm real glad to hear you're there for your son while he goes through this difficult experience and is trying to recover. For me, it would have been helpful to have someone help me in the way you're helping your son. Healing from the RA has been one of the more difficult parts of my recovery, but I feel it is completely possible, especially if there's supportive ppl around. I also just wanted to say that I understand how hard it is because this abusive person presented themself as a pillar of the community. My abusers did this as well--no one believed they could do bad things, and I ended up stuck until I could get myself out of the situation. That was really hard for me, but I made it. I'm so very sorry to hear that your son experienced this kind of abuse. I wish you and your family and your son the very best as you all start on your healing journey together.

    May you have peace, live long, and prosper.

    "On the starship Enterprise, no one is alone." ~Capt. Jean-Luc Picard in The Bonding, ST:TNG Season 3
    "Seize the time, Meribor-live now! Make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again." ~Capt. Jean-Luc Picard as Kamin in The Inner Light, ST:TNG Season 5

  8. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Hugs okay, but over all not very huggy person.
    I knew very little about SRA until I read about it in the library here on Fort Refuge. I am so glad I read it, because it helps me to understand people that have had SRA better. It was a shocker to me and I think if those around you who are trying to invalidate what really happened to your son knew how SRA works they would immediately repent.

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