FAQ

Forum

Public forum is open to everyone including supporters, abusers, and professionals; no registration required, but all posts are visible to the public.

• Can I post more than once, or respond to others?
  Of course, you can post as much as you like, the more the merrier, that's what forums are for. If you want others to recognize you, you can specify your nickname (any name you like) when you make a post; by default all visitor posts are signed as 'Guest', so we won't know if you're the same person or someone new.
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• Can I use Public Forum if I have an account at Fort?
  Sure. You can even log out and post as a guest, if you don't want us to know that you're you.
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• Can I talk about someone I know?
  Public forum is open to everyone, so your friend can bump into what you wrote about them. They might even be our member, we are a survivors' site after all. Such a post could be awkward for both of you. It works a lot better if you focus on your issues as a supporter, or ask general questions applicable to all survivors, rather than airing your friend's personal circumstances.
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• My friend/relative posted something about me!
  Ouch. We usually screen for personally identifying information before posts go live, but if we missed something - send us a message. Members can do it through Speak To Mods folder, visitors - through Contact Us form.
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• I didn't get enough responses
  The amount and quality of responses you get are largely determined by what you post. If you post specific questions - you'll get specific answers. If you post a general entry about how you're doing - you might get congratulations, condolences, or questions. If you post a lot of text, but your topic is unclear and you skipped punctuation - you won't get many responses because your entry is hard to follow. Last, but not least - a descriptive title makes a big difference. For example, most people wouldn't click on a thread titled 'help!!!', but many would be intrigued by 'I regret contacting child protective services.' Fort is a peer group, we have no counselors on staff, and our members are free to respond to topics that they find interesting, and ignore the rest. If this is an emergency or you need professional help, please click on 'Help' tab on top of any page, it lists trained professionals in your area.
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• Why is my post gone?
  If you just made it, it's probably waiting for a moderator to approve it. Nothing personal, just an anti-spam measure. If it has been over 24hrs and it's still not there - it was probably breaking one of our guidelines, like advertising something, telling someone what to do, or disclosing personally identifying information (like names, addresses, phone numbers, etc). Public forum is completely anonymous, we have no way to reach you, so we simply delete posts that clash with our guidelines. You can try posting again, read our guidelines, or contact us with questions/concerns.
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Library

Adding content, correcting typos, permissions to print pages for personal use, etc.

• Can I print out a page I like?
  For your personal use only, and only pages that are public (i.e. you don't have to log in to view them.)
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• Can I publish Fort content on another site?
  No, all of our content is copyrighted, plus duplicate content is annoying to users and will get you penalized by Google. Instead, feel free to link to us, use social networking share buttons on top of any page, and/or embed our widgets.
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• I want to publish something I wrote
  That's wonderful, please send it to us. Our entire library is created by users just like you, it serves thousands of abuse survivors worldwide, and we're sincerely grateful for every contribution. Further down the page there's a space to send us images of your artwork too.
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• I want to volunteer tech work
  Thank you very much, we're always swamped with work, so anything you can help out with helps greatly. See our volunteers page, it lists current projects that we need help with - or send us your ideas and suggestions.
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• I want to suggest an article/video/book/etc
  Thanks for thinking of other survivors when you bump into a cool resource! Please forward it to admin@fortrefuge.com, we'd love to add it to Fort. Keep in mind though that we only link to information; we don't link to fundraisers, petitions, or businesses. We also won't be accepting substance abuse links anymore, due to enormous amount of spam we've been receiving from rehabs.
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• I see a typo or a broken link.
  Thanks for noticing and caring! Please let us know about it through the feedback form, we'll fix it.
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• I disagree with something I've read here
  Our library pages represent the experiences and opinions of their authors only. We love diversity, so if you care to share your perspective - by all means do so, we'd love to publish an alternative viewpoint.
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• I can't find what I was looking for
  We have a search box on every library page. If you're using a large screen (e.g. a laptop), it's in the top right corner of the page. If you're using a small screen (e.g. a smartphone), it's towards the bottom of the page, right under the main content. If you still can't find what you're looking for - check out our forums, they have a lot of information as well. Or let us know what you're looking for, so we'll work on adding it.
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Quizzes

Privacy concerns, feedback, suggestions, permissions, scoring sheets

• Are my results recorded?
  No, they aren't. Once you click away from the results page, they are gone and can't be recovered. Some people choose to post their results in the comments section on the results page; it's visible to other users.
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• I disagree with the results I got
  Feel free to post about it in the comments section on the bottom of the quiz results page, your opinion could be interesting to other people. You can also contact the author of the quiz with any suggestions or concerns, full credit is listed on top of each quiz page.
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• I want to suggest a cool quiz I found or wrote
  Great, please send it to us, we'll publish it if possible (i.e. if its author doesn't mind, if we know how to score it, etc).
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• Where can I find the scoring sheets?
  We offer the quizzes to abuse survivors, free of charge, for educational purposes only, and can't assist with academic questions. Please contact the author of the quiz, there's a full credit on top of all quiz pages. We can't give you a copy of the scoring sheet because we converted it to PHP code for the page to function, i.e. display results to users, and our PHP code is copyrighted.
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Contact Us

How to reach us - and other ways to find the answers you're looking for.

• I'm in crisis or need help escaping abuse
  Please click on 'Help' tab on top of any page, select your country, and the type of problem you need help with (e.g. 'domestic violence,' 'child abuse,' etc); you'll see the list of organizations in your country that can assist you. Fort is a peer support group, our mods and admins aren't counselors and can't offer crisis support; all we do is maintain this website.
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• I need tech support
  If you aren't finding the answer to your question on this page - try posting in Tech Questions folder (if you have an account at Fort), or send us a message through the Contact Us form. Questions posted on forums usually get a response within hours (because the whole community sees them), messages sent through the form usually get a response in a day or two (because only site admins have access to the site email).
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• I need to talk to the site administrators
  Feel free to email us at admin@fortrefuge.com, or send us a message through the Contact Us form.
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• I forgot my password
  You can reset it through the Lost Password form. Member passwords are encrypted for security reasons, so we don't know your password.
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• I don't want to receive emails from Fort
  You can change your email preferences in your account settings.
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• I sent you a message but haven't heard back
  Fort is run by volunteers, we live in different timezones, and might not be able to respond to your message instantly. Please allow a few hours for messages sent to Speak To Mods folder, and a few days for messages sent to Contact Us form or email. If this is an emergency, please contact your local emergency services. If it's been a few days and you still haven't heard back - try sending your message again, but please double-check that you're entering a valid email address. We understand privacy concerns, but we can't respond to your message if we don't have your email address, that's the most common reason why you didn't hear back from us.
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Professionals

Links, embeds, research studies, petitions, media, etc.

• Attributions
  Authors are credited on top of every page, in the page title. The community is anonymous, so many pages are credited to a username. If no authors are mentioned, the page is our editorial and you should credit 'Fort Refuge'.
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• Embeds for your site
  You're welcome to embed our widgets on your site or blog, no permission/credit necessary. They are free, resizable, work on iframes, and use no JavaScript.
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• Getting us to link to your site/blog/book/video/etc
  Everyone is welcome to suggest links to resources that they believe would be helpful for abuse survivors. We might or might not add the link to one of our library pages, and might or might not respond to your email. We hope for your understanding in this matter, as Fort is run by volunteers and we receive numerous emails per day, asking us for a link. We no longer accept links to resources related to substance abuse, due to high amount of spam we've been receiving.
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• Publishing your content
  If you have original content that you feel would be helpful to abuse survivors - by all means forward it to us at admin@fortrefuge.com. We add a link to the author's website to all content submitted to us.
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• Media inquiries
  Feel free to contact us at admin@fortrefuge.com. Keep in mind that the project is anonymous, so we can't disclose any information concerning our members, and email is our only form of communication.
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• Research studies
  Please send a link to your study to admin@fortrefuge.com, we might post it under Research Studies on our Quizzes page. The study needs to be anonymous and list your credentials to conduct it. We don't allow links to research studies on forums or in chat because they are distracting and compromise our members' sense of privacy.
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• Petitions and fundraisers
  We do not allow petitions and fundraisers. Fort is a peer support group, we have no physical assets, and no political affiliations. Allowing some petitions but not others would be unethical, and allowing all petitions would cause political debates, which we aren't interested in. Allowing fundraisers would be unfair to our members, as all of us are abuse survivors, many struggle financially with various aftereffects of abuse, and are in no position to offer financial support to others.
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• Paid advertisements, grants, donations
  Thanks, but we don't solicit or accept donations, don't host advertisements, and don't receive grants. The project is paid for and run by volunteers, so that our members can trust that we have no ulterior motives or monetary bias whatsoever, and aren't taking advantage of them in any way.
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My Account

Registration, emails, lost passwords, keys, castles, etc

• How do I register an account?
  Click on the 'Join Us' link (it can also be located on top right corner of any page). Read through our guidelines and decide if they would work for you. Click "Register" if so. There will be two screens: the first will ask you for your date of birth (since we need to ensure you're over 16yo); the second will ask you to choose a username and password, enter a valid email address, and sign a user agreement. It will also ask you to set your timezone and choose whether you'd like to receive emails from administrators - both are optional, though helpful. Once you submit this information, an automatic email will be sent to your email address with a link you need to click to complete your registration. You will then be able to view forums and start posting. Your first few posts will be slightly delayed - they are screened by a moderator to ensure you're not a spammer or a troll. Within 24hrs from the time you start posting, your account will be upgraded, your posts will be appearing on forums instantly, and you'll be able to chat.
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• I forgot my password
  Click on the 'Forgot My Password' link (it can also be found on any page that requires you to enter your password). It will take you to a page where you can enter your email address. Within a few minutes you should receive an email with a link to reset your password. There is no way to resend your original password because passwords are encrypted. If you don't see this email, check your Junk Mail folder, or email admin@fortrefuge.com.
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• How do I change my password, email, timezone, or username?
  The first three can be changed in your Settings. You can change your password as often as you like; it's encrypted, and Fort staff has no access to it. Keeping your email address up to date will allow you to restore access to your account if you forget your password. Setting your timezone correctly allows the site to display timestamps on posts in your local time. You can't change your username; if it's a safety concern, post in Speak To Mods folder, we might make an exception for you.
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• Why do I keep getting logged out?
  When you log in, you have the option to check 'Remember Me' box. This will allow you to stay logged in permanently, even if you close your browser or restart your computer, until you choose to manually log out. This is done via a cookie (a small bit of information) placed on your device (computer, tablet, phone, etc). If you are using a shared device, such as in a library computer, or if other members of your household (spouse, child, parent, roommate, friend, etc) have access to your device, we recommend you do not enable this.
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• Email notifications
  You can receive automatic email notifications from Fort. Default setting is no emails about responses your threads received, yes emails about friendship requests, and yes emails from site admins. You can change these settings in your Settings. Please note that you can override default thread subscription mode, e.g. choose to receive email notifications for just one thread and not others. To turn off those, go to 'My Threads and modify your choices.
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• Keys
  Three chatrooms (where weekly hosted chats are held) and six forum folders (Journals, My Strength My Story, Sexuality, RA, DID Youth, Got Keys) are locked from newbies, lurkers, and troublemakers. We don't do cliques, but Fort registration is open to everyone, our guidelines differ from many survivor sites, and people need time to figure out the ropes before we can trust them with access to private folders. You can request keys after actively posting on forums for 30 days. If you used to have keys but lost them due to inactivity (which happens after about 3 months of no posting, privacy issue) - just participate on forums for a month to get reacquainted with the Fort community (including all the new folks that joined us while you were gone) and request your keys again.
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• Can my littles have keys?
  Sure, we have DID Youth keys specifically for littles/middles under 13. Let your littles create an account at Fort, post/chat for a month, see how they like it here, and if they want keys then - they can send a request themselves. Most of Fort is open to both littles and bigs, but a couple of locked folders and chatrooms are separate. This way littles don't accidentally bump into adult content and get upset by it, bigs can talk freely without having to worry about that, and littles can talk freely about their littles stuff, without bigs snooping on them or interrupting.
• Can I watch my littles?
  It's your internal decision; however, you can't post or chat using your littles account. If they want to say something, they should say it themselves. We won't talk with you about your alters behind their back.
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• Post count, user titles, castles, reputation
  These can be seen near your username, on top of every forum post you make, and on your profile page. Reputation (green bars) are a measure of how much other members like your input. Each time someone "thanks" one of your posts, it adds to your reputation count. You can view the latest thanks you have received in your Settings, under Notifications. Titles, cubes, and castles are a measure of your post count, how many posts you have made so far. The breakdown is as follows:
  • at 0 posts you have no cubes and your title is 'Newbie'
  • at 25 posts it changes to 'Getting The Hang Of It'
  • at 50 posts it changes to 'Part Of The Crowd' and you get the first blue cube
  • at 100 - two
  • at 200 - three and your title changes to 'Pretty Active'
  • at 400 - four and your title changes to 'Known To All'.
  • at 750 - five and your title changes to 'Growing Famous'.
  • at 900 - six
  • at 1000 - castle outline, your title changes to 'Fort Resident', and you can change it to whatever you like
  • at 1050 - castle outline and one cube
  • at 1100 - castle outline and two cubes, etc.
  • at 2000 - middle portion of the castle gets colored
  • at 3000 - middle and left portions of the castle get colored
  • at 4000 - whole castle gets colored
  • at 5000 - castle gets red flags, lit up windows, and the cubes stop counting
  For example, if you make 1760 posts, you will have a castle outline and five cubes by your name.
  
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• Signatures and avatars
  Avatar is an image that appears next to your username by each of your posts. Signature is text and/or image that appears under each of your posts. You can modify both of these in your settings. Supported formats are jpg, png, and gif, no more than 200px high. Please avoid nudity, violence, religion, personally identifying information, or any form of advertisement.
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• How do I delete my account?
  We don't delete accounts. The site is anonymous, so you can simply turn off auto notifications and not hear from us ever again. We will not disclose information you provided to us during registration (email address, date of birth, etc) to any third party unless required by law. If you posted something identifying on forums, click "alert mods" button on the post that bothers you and specify which words you'd like us to edit out of it.
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Forum

Where to post, how to embed videos, smiley shortcuts, etc

• How do I use forums?
  Forum (aka Message Board) is a way for our members to exchange thoughts on any topic. This is different from social networking sites: those consists of personal profiles of members, while forums consist of discussions organized by topic, regardless of who started them. These discussions are called 'threads' and are made up of 'posts' - a post is one entry by one member. Someone starts a thread by making the first post, another member responds to it with another post, other members chip in as well, adding their posts to the thread - at the end there's a long discussion on a particular topic that was started by one member and that other members contributed to. Threads are organized into folders, by topic, and stored indefinitely. If you click on any folder, you can see everything that anyone has ever posted in it. You can read and write in any folder you have access to, and so can all other Fort members.
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• Where should I post?
  When you click on "Forum" on top of any Fort page, you get to the list of all the folders available, organized by section. Section names are in bold white letters on blue lines:
  • "Community Life" is about anything to do with this site: tech questions, announcements, random life updates, etc.
  • "Tell Your Story" is about past: stuff that happened to you that brought you here.
  • "Express Your Feelings" is for unloading, venting, journalling, poetry, art, music, or any other way you express how you feel about abuse/aftermath.
  • "Repair The Damage" is about constructive problem-solving of issues that are here and now, the aftermath of abuse: social skills, activities of daily living, anger management, etc.
  • "Mental Health" is about mental health problems caused by abuse: PTSD, anxiety, depression, dissociation, etc.
  • "Kids Corner" is for child alters; not applicable unless you have Dissociative Identity Disorder.
  • "Public Forum" is open to public. All of the above are private, visible to survivors only, and the last one is open to everyone. For example, supporters, psych students, kids under 16, etc.
  Once you picked a section, find a folder in it that seems the most relevant to you, click on it, and see if there's a thread about your topic in there already. If so - respond to it. If not, start a new one.
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• Locked forum folders
  Six out of sixty forum folders are locked and require keys to enter. They are identified with a yellow key icon. If you're trying to enter them and get an error message saying that you're missing keys - read about keys above. You can view your journal even if you lost your keys, but you can't post in it or view other people's journals till you get your keys back.
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• Text formatting
  There are a few buttons above the box where you type up your post, which allow you to include some formatting such as make your text bold or italic, center it on page, use a different color, size, or style of your font, etc. To format a portion of your text, highlight it and click one of the buttons; for example, the B (bold) button would make your highlighted text bold. Alternatively, you can enclose your text in tags, if you know them; here's the full list of BB code tags.
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• Smilies
  Smilies are small images that you can include in your posts, visitor messages, or chat entries. For example, if you are telling a joke you can add a laughing smilie (instead of writing 'this is a joke'). To add a smilie to your entry, you need to know its shortcut; for example, :rs makes a rose and :pg makes a penguin. You can see a few commonly used smilies on the right of the message box while typing up a new post. Here's a full list of Fort smilies with their shortcuts.
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• Images
  To include an image in your post, right-click on the image, select 'Copy image URL', click the 'Insert Image' icon above the text box (it looks like a tree), and paste the URL into the popup window. Please keep in mind that we're a trauma support group, and don't allow images containing nudity or violence. If you want to include an image from your hard drive, you need to first upload it somewhere online. Many sites offer free image storage, for example - imgur.com, google photos, and flickr.com. Pick a site you like, create an account, and upload your images there. Once your image is stored online, right-click on it, select 'Copy image URL', and proceed as above.
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• YouTubes
  To embed a YouTube video on your post, copy its URL, click on 'YouTube' button above the text box, and paste the URL you copied. You can then preview your post to see if the video displays correctly. Please don't post videos containing nudity or violence, and do include a short description of what this video is: a song, a lecture, a how-to, etc. It's a trauma support group, nobody will click on a video without knowing what's in it.
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• TWs
  If you're posting graphic content that wouldn't normally be expected in the folder you're placing it in, it's a good idea to use thread prefixes. You can find them under the text box while making a post. For example, if you're posting a poem about SI in SI folder - you don't need to use the 'SI' prefix, as it's self-understood that a post in SI folder will contain SI content. However, if you're posting this poem in Poetry folder - do use the 'SI' prefix, as nobody would expect explicit SI content while browsing poetry.
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• Polls
  Fort community is not a representative sample for academic research, but you can post polls for general curiosity or validation. For example, if you often have nightmares about lizards, you can post a poll asking forters if they have such nightmares too. To do that, start a new thread in a relevant folder, type up your post, scroll down to the bottom of the page, click the 'Yes, post a poll with this thread' checkbox at the bottom of the page, and set the number of options you want to include (e.g. 3). On the next page you'll specify the question (e.g. 'do you have nightmares about lizards?') and the list of possible answers (e.g. 'yes', 'no', 'I don't remember'). You can also set a time limit for the poll, and choose whether your poll is private or public. Private polls display total results only, while public polls also list usernames of everyone who responded. Once your poll is posted, other members will see your poll, might respond to it, and the results will be visible to everyone.
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• Editing, deleting, and moving posts
  'Edit Post' button appears on the bottom right of your post for 25 minutes after you made it. This time limit is enforced for consistency of forums: it provides ample time to fix typos, but blocks members from modifying posts that were already viewed and possibly responded to by others. If you need to edit an old post, press 'Alert Mods' button on the bottom left of it, and specify which words you need edited and why. We don't mass-delete posts or edit them for frivolous reasons, but will take out identifying information or such. We might also delete content that violates our guidelines, or move your post to a different folder. Moved posts usually show a redirect link for a few days.
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• Alert Mods button
  It looks like a black triangle with exclamation mark located on the bottom left of any post, visitor message, or PM, and sends an anonymous alert to moderators. You can include a message explaining why are you sending the alert, to help us understand the issue faster. It's useful for flagging content that you find inappropriate (e.g. harassment), misplaced (so that we can move it where it belongs), requesting edits (e.g. if you accidentally posted something identifying), or for any other reason (e.g. suggesting us to sticky a thread you found helpful). Fort community is largely self-regulating, guidelines are based on members' input, so don't be shy to use the button.
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• Thanks button
  It's a black thumbs-up icon on the bottom left of any post. If you click it, it will add reputation points to the author of the post, and display your name under the post, saying that you thanked it. It's a great way to acknowledge someone's input without writing a whole post about it. There's no thumbs-down option; if you don't like a post, you can ignore it or press 'Alert Mods' button.
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• Sticky threads
  Moderators occasionally 'stick' threads, i.e. make them stay at the top of a forum folder even if they haven't had any posts recently. For example, some topics come up over and over, so we sticky them to avoid duplicates. Other threads contain interesting and helpful information, but not many responses, so we sticky them to make them easier to find. Forums are a dynamic environment, so sometimes we unsticky some threads and sticky others. If you bump into an interesting thread - feel free to send an alert to mods, suggesting to sticky it.
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Chat

How to get there, system requirements, weekly chats, etc.

• How do I get into chat?
  Click on 'Chat' tab on top of any Fort page, it will take you to the list of all the rooms we have available, with clarifications of what content goes where. If you're logged in, you'll also see who's chatting, and how many people are in each room. Click on the room you want to enter, it will open in another window. To go to another room, close the one you're in and click on a different one from the same menu.
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• How do I chat?
  Once you entered a room, you see a window displaying the current discussion (consisting of messages that you and other members typed in). Under it, on the bottom, there's a box where you type in your responses. If you're using Java or Flash versions, there's also a list of members currently in the room (on the right). If that list only has your name in it - that means you're alone in this room; you can stay and wait for someone to join you, or close this room and enter another one. When someone enters a room, it's considered good manners to exchange 'hello's: just type a 'hello' in the box on the bottom and press enter - this will add your entry to the discussion, displaying it to everyone in the room. They would respond by typing a 'hello to you too' in their boxes and hitting enter - this would add their response to the discussion, displaying it to everyone in the room, including you. This is how the chat works.
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• Can I chat on my phone/tablet/laptop/kindle/etc?
  Our chat comes in three versions: Java, Flash, and Mobile (HTML5). Java has the most features, HTML5 works on most devices, Flash is somewhere in between, and is the default version. If it doesn't work for you, select a different version on top of the chatrooms page, before clicking on the room you want to join.
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• What if nobody is in chat?
  We're an international site, members come from all timezones, so there's a dozen or two of us online at any time. You can see who's online on homepage or on the bottom of forums. If you're the first one in chat - just say so in shoutbox, so that others know you're there, move the chat window to the side of your screen, and wait for someone to join you. It's likely that others want to chat too, but don't want to be the first ones in the room.
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• What is P2P?
  P2P stands for Peer To Peer communication, i.e. - private messages only visible to you and the person you're communicating with, not the entire room. However, guidelines still apply, and the logs are visible to admins. To p2p someone, double-click on their name: a small window will open with your private conversation. Please ask for permission to p2p before initiating it, and don't overuse the feature: it's distracting to the member you're talking to, and disrespectful towards the rest of the room. If your conversation grows longer than a couple of lines - just move to an empty room. If you don't want to p2p with someone, you don't have to, just close the window, or ask the person to leave you alone, or put them on ignore. Please don't p2p during hosted chats.
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• Locked rooms
  Three out of seven rooms are locked and require keys to enter. They are identified with a yellow key icon. If you're trying to enter them and get an error message saying that you're missing keys - read about keys above.
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• What's a hosted chat?
  Our chatrooms are open 24/7, people come and go, topics fluctuate, and nobody knows what's being discussed in a room unless they are there. As a result, many members miss out on an interesting topic that took place while they were in another room or browsing forums. Hosted chats are an opportunity to focus on a specific topic for one hour, without distractions, and to know from beforehand what the topic will be. There are no speakers, the moderator only facilitates the discussion, everyone can participate if they feel like it. Keys are only given to people who have been on Fort for a while and understand and follow our guidelines, so hosted chats offer a generally calmer environment.
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• How do I join a hosted chat?
  We offer three weekly chats: Mental Health (focused on coping with mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, dissociation, etc), Repair The Damage (focused on coping with real life: time/money management, chores, social interactions, etc), and DID Youth (for child alters under 13). Chats are scheduled about a week ahead, you can see the schedule for times, hosts, and topics. On the bottom of the schedule there are links to past logs. Hosted chats take place in the 'Got Keys' and 'DID Youth' rooms, which require keys to access. If you have keys, just hop into the room on the time the chat is scheduled to start. If you do it a few minutes earlier, you'll get to catch up on how everyone is doing before the chat.
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• What is the netiquette?
  Format is casual, feel free to participate as much or as little as you wish, as long as you're not being disruptive (e.g. with off-topic remarks or repeatedly going in and out of the room). Interrupting the chat with your status updates is considered bad manners: if you came in late, need to leave early, or are going on brb - just do it quietly.
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Inbox, Profile, Friends, Social Groups

Communication between Fort members happens mostly through forums and chat, but we offer a few ways to contact your Fort friends personally.

• My Profile
  Profile pages are visible to Fort members only; they are the easiest way see what your friends have been up to, and to drop them a note. You can see anyone's profile by clicking on their name anywhere on forums. On the left you'll see their profile picture, a link to send them a PM, a link to add them to your Friend's list, a link to see all of their posts and threads, the date they joined Fort, their current activity, avatar, link to their website (if any), list of their friends, list of the Social Groups they participate in, list of the Private Folders and Hosted Chats they are a member of, and Recent Visitors to their Profile Page. 'Activity' tab has their most recent posts (in the folders you have access to). 'Visitor Messages' tab is where you can leave them a note (which will be visible to them and to other members who browse their profile). 'About Me' tab has personal information they'd like to share with other members (such as their biography or interests). 'Friends' tab has a full list of their friends. You can customize your profile's appearance and edit your 'About Me' info directly on your profile page; the rest of the settings are under your settings.
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• My Inbox
  Private Messages (PMs) are visible to you and the person you're exchanging them with. Site admins have access to PM logs as well, in case there's a problem (e.g. stalking, harassment, etc). To send a private message to another member, click on the 'Send A Private Message' link in your inbox, in the drop down menu that appears in a member's posts when you click on their username, or on their Profile Page. You can access your inbox through homepage, or through your account dropdown menu on top right corner of any forum page. By default, you will have two folders: 'Inbox' and 'Sent'. You can create additional folders by clicking the 'Edit Folders' link in the left panel, or move, delete, mark as read, or download messages by clicking corresponding buttons on the bottom of the page. You can store up to 200 PMs in your folders. If you exceed this number, you will not be able to send or receive new messages until you delete some old ones to free up space. If you would like to keep a record of your messages before you delete them, you can use any of the 'Download as..' options listed above to take a copy and store them on your own computer. Please be mindful of our guidelines though: what's said in private needs to stay in private.
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• Friends list
  Friends are Fort members you like and want to stay in touch with; they are displayed on your profile and on the 'Contacts and Friends' page under your settings. The easiest way to befriend someone is to view their profile and click the 'Add as a friend' link; the next page will offer you the option to send a 'friend request' to this person, so that they can befriend you too. To accept a friend request, go to your Friends List, and see a list of pending requests on the bottom of it. Check the box for the request you wish to accept then check the 'Accept' button and save the changes. If you don't wish to be friends, select 'Reject' instead; most people won't notice it.
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• Social groups
  Social groups are sort of like additional forum folders; they are created and maintained by Fort members rather than moderators, and focus on something unrelated to abuse or its aftermath. For example, we have social groups about video games, Star Trek, arts and crafts, etc. You can join any group you wish, read its contents, post something, or create a new group. Note that inactive/duplicate groups get pruned once in a while.
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• Members' List
  Member's List has all the members who have made at least ten posts on our forums. You can sort this list alphabetically by username, by the date they joined, by their reputation, or by the number of posts they have made. For example, to see our veterans who have been on Fort the longest, sort Members List by join date. To quickly find a particular member, click on the 'Search Members' link and type a username (or a part of it) into the box.
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• Who's Online
  Who's Online page lists all the currently active members and their last activity; for example, which thread a particular member is viewing at the moment. Abridged version of this list, containing only the names of active members, can be found at the bottom of the main forums page, and on homepage (visible to unregistered guests as well). If you don't want to appear on these lists, turn on 'Invisible Mode' in your settings. Additionally, there's a 'Who's in chat' list on chat pages and homepage, visible to Fort members only.
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• Shoutbox
  Shoutbox appears on top of the Forum page, is visible to all members (and visitors), and is useful for short shoutouts to the whole community. For example, wishing everyone good night, letting everyone know you just adopted a cat, or whatever other news you feel the need to share. It's not meant for conversations, or for messages addressing anyone specific (you can use visitor messages instead).
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Finding your way around

Navigation, customizations, helpful tips if you're lost or overwhelmed.

• I'm lost
  On top of any Fort page there's a blue header, containing main site navigation: home, forum, chat, library, etc. That's overall site sections, everything we've got here. If you click on one of them, you'll see a list of what's in it. For example, if you click on 'Chat', you'll see a list of chatrooms, and if you click on 'Forum', you'll see a list of forum folders. If you then click on one of the folders, you see a list of threads in it, and if you click on one of the threads, you'll be able to read it. Feel free to browse around and use whichever area you like, or all of them. If you get lost, scroll up and use the header to find your way.
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• I'm overwhelmed
  Limit the number of forum folders you're viewing. We have 60+ folders for all types of abuse and aftermath, they can't all apply to any one single person. Click on 'Forum' tab on top of any page and scroll through the list of folders. Each one has a green 'subscribe' dot. Click on it if the folder is relevant to you, and skip it if it isn't. The next screen will ask you how would you like to be notified of new content - select 'through user CP only', otherwise you'll be flooded with automatic emails. Once you've selected all the folders you want, click on 'My forums' on top right of this page. You'll see a list of folders that you selected for yourself, rather than all the folders we have. You can modify this list as often as you like, adding or removing folders, to get to a comfortable amount. Alternatively, you can simply minimize entire sections by clicking on the arrow icon on the right of each section header.
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• I can't find what I posted
  There's a 'My Threads' link in three places: on Fort homepage, on your profile page (on the left, under your profile pic), and on main forum page (on the right, above Shoutbox). By default, you're subscribed to every thread you posted in. You can unsubscribe from some of these threads on 'My Threads' page, or change your subscription mode in your settings. You can also manually subscribe to any thread you wish (click on 'Thread tools' on top right of any thread), using the feature as a bookmark.
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• I can't find something I saw on forums
  There's a search box on top right of any forums page. Type in the word you're looking for and click 'Search'. If that doesn't work, use 'Advanced Search'. That allows you to search for this word in posts of a specific user, and/or in specific folders (you can select a few of them, default option is all). You can display results as threads (and then you'll be linked to the threads that meet your search criteria) or as posts (and then you'll be linked to specific posts; helpful if you're searching a journal, for example). Additionally, there's a search box on top of every forum folder (to search this folder only, not the rest of the forums), and on top of every thread (to search this thread only).
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• What do all the abbreviations mean?
  Our members sometimes use shorthand abbreviations. Some of them are common on any website (e.g. 'brb' means 'be right back'), others are specific to the topic of abuse (e.g. 'csa' means 'child sexual abuse'). Nobody knows all the possible abbreviations people use across the globe, but you can see our Glossary if you're curious about something you keep bumping into on forums or in chat.
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• How do I find new posts?
  If you're using forums a lot, it can be tiresome to browse them by topic, i.e. open each folder to see if it has anything new in it. There are a few ways to stay on top of what's new:
  • 1. Folder and thread icons change color depending on whether they contain any new posts that you haven't read yet. On default theme (blue headers and canvas background), old threads and folders are blue, while new ones are light brown.
  • 2. There's a 'New Posts' link in the Navigation Bar (on top of any forums page), which gives you a list of all the threads that have been created or updated since your last visit. Threads that you have already read don't appear on this list.
  • 3. There's a 'Mark Forums Read' link in the Navigation Bar, that marks all threads and posts as if you had read them already. Alternatively, you can double-click on a folder icon to mark all of its contents read. Many of our members find this option helpful: there is about 100 new posts every day, you can't possibly keep up with them all, so it helps to be able to mark everything read and start from a clean slate once in a while.
  • 4. There's an 'Activity' link in the Navigation bar, that displays all the recent posts in reverse chronological order, regardless of whether you've read them already or not. On one hand, it's convenient to read all the recent posts on one page, without having to click anywhere. On the other hand, it can be hard to read posts out of context, without knowing which thread they are responding to, or which folder they are in.
  
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• Text is too small
  Our text size is dynamic, based on your browser settings. For a quick fix, press Ctrl+ to zoom in, Ctrl- to zoom out, and Ctrl0 to return to default view. For a long term solution, go to your browser settings and change your font size (usually it's under 'Tools' menu).
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• I don't like the colors
  You can change the appearance of the forums by using the dropdown menu in the bottom left corner of any forum page. If you prefer a theme other than our default one - save it in you Settings, so that you won't have to keep switching it each time you log in.
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Safety

What if my abuser finds me here, what's Fort's privacy policy, etc

• What if my abuser finds me here?
  Fort forums and chat are private, limited to members only, so your profile and posts don't come up on search engines (e.g. Google). In order to find you, your abuser would need to register on dozens of survivor sites, read hundreds of thousands of posts on each of them, and try to guess which of these posts were made by you. First, that would take a very determined abuser, and second - what you post is entirely up to you. Avoid personally identifying details, like names of your family members, the town you live in, the company you work for, etc. We're an international site, many of us struggle with anxiety, so if you post 'I had a nightmare last night that he found me' - even if he does read that post, he'd have no way to know if it was posted by you or by a bamboo farmer from Taiwan.
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• I was bullied on another site
  Some abuse survivors use multiple support sites at once, so you could theoretically bump into someone you've met at another site. We don't do cliques, so it's unlikely that your bully would be an active member here, even if it's really them and not just someone using the same nickname. Use a different name, avatar, and signature, and don't post personally identifying information on Fort - they'll never know that you are you. If you already let them know who you are and they are bothering you - press 'alert mods' button on the bottom left of the message they sent you, and put them on ignore. They won't be able to say anything else to you till you take them off ignore.
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• Someone copied my Fort post to another site
  Please let us know. Post in Speak To Mods, include links to your Fort post and to the copy of it on the other site. We'll ask the admins of the other site to remove that copy, try to figure out who posted it, and ban them from Fort. Our members aren't allowed to copy/distribute/publish content that was posted with the expectation of privacy, we have zero tolerance policy on this.
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• Ban my stalker
  We have zero tolerance policy on stalking, harassment, and bullying between our members. Every post, PM, and visitor message has an 'alert mods' button on the bottom left of it. Please press it; on the next screen you'll have the option to explain why this message bothers you (if it's unclear from the message itself). We'll receive your alert and will handle it. On the other hand, if you suspect that one of our members might be someone you know in person or through some other site, yet they aren't doing anything wrong here at Fort - we won't be able to ban them because we have no control over what happens offsite. We can edit out identifying information from your posts, if necessary, change your username, explain to you how to change your avatar or signature, or ban your account and let you create a new one that would be more secure.
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• Delete my account and all of my posts
  Unfortunately, we can't do that. Each of your posts was a part of a community discussion which involved other people. Deleting their posts (that they put thought and effort into) wouldn't be fair to them, and keeping their posts while deleting yours would make the conversation impossible to follow. If you accidentally included identifying information in one of your posts - press 'alert mods' button on the bottom left of it and quote the words that you feel are identifying; we'll look into editing them out.
  Fort is anonymous, the only information we have about you is your date of birth, IP address, and email address (which you can change at any point). We need to keep this information for legal purposes, won't disclose it to anyone unless required by law, and Fort moderators are the only ones who have access to it. Your Fort profile is visible to members only, doesn't list your email address, and cannot be found by searching for your email, date of birth, IP location, real name, or anything other than your username. If you're concerned that someone in 3D discovered your Fort username - we can change it for you. If you simply don't want to use Fort anymore - go to your settings, turn off automatic email notifications, and you won't hear from us ever again.
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• I heard rumors about Fort
  We don't get involved in intersite wars, drama, or gossip, and don't see the need to defend our reputation just because someone felt like spreading rumors. URLs of all of our pages start with 'www.fortrefuge.com', if the page you're looking at starts with something else, it's not our page. All Fort moderators are listed on our staff page, if you're talking to someone who isn't mentioned there - they aren't a Fort moderator. If you received an email from any address other than admin@fortrefuge.com - it didn't come from us. We respect privacy of our members and cannot discuss matters involving specific people or sites (e.g. 'I heard someone was banned from Fort for no reason three years ago'), but we can answer general questions about our policies (e.g. 'what's the most common reason people get banned from Fort').
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• What's Fort's Privacy Policy and Terms of Service?
  Privacy Policy explains what data we collect about our users, why, what for, and what do we do with it.
  Terms Of Service explain our legal rights and obligations towards each other: what you can and cannot do on Fort, and what we can and cannot do with your account, posts, information, etc.
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• How is Fort funded?
  All Fort expenses are paid out of pocket by the owners. We don't solicit or accept any money from any person or organization. Fort is a private property run by volunteers, all of whom are abuse survivors. Community matters (e.g. forums, chats, bans) are voted on by the moderators, and website matters (e.g. library content or hosting providers) are decided by site owners, though community suggestions are always welcome.
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Conflicts

How to flag inappropriate posts, how to put people on ignore, why do people get banned, etc.

• What are the rules here?
  Guidelines explain how to get along with our community, so as not to hurt others while using our platform. When you register on Fort, you have to sign a user agreement, i.e. state that you have read these guidelines, understand them, and agree to follow them. It's the only condition on which Fort membership is offered.
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• Who is running this site?
  You can see the list of our staff here. Administrators have overall control of everything that happens at Fort: they maintain the website, set the guidelines, appoint moderators, create/delete/organize forum folders, choose which software Fort runs on, etc. Moderators maintain forums and chat; they have the ability to edit, delete, and move threads and posts, approve new accounts, and participate in decisions regarding bans and moderation of troublesome users. They also host weekly chats. Neither administrators nor moderators are here in the capacity of mental health professionals, counselors, listeners, sponsors, or legal advisors; we are abuse survivors just like you, using the site for our personal trauma recovery, while also doing technical work behind the scenes to ensure that things run smoothly.
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• How do I find a moderator?
  Fort mods work as a team, for consistency and speed (as we're all in different timezones), so the best way to reach us is in the following ways:
  Speak To Mods folder is visible only to you and moderators, and is useful for troubleshooting sensitive issues, like "why was I moderated" or "how can I stop this unpleasant person from harassing me".
  Tech Questions folder is the place to ask the community (both mods and members) questions that should be covered on this page, like "how do I change my signature" or "where can I find a list of my posts".
  Our Fort forum folder is open to questions, suggestions, and feedback on general site policies. It also contains community announcements, i.e. things moderators want everyone on site to know, such as software upgrades or guideline changes.
  Contact Us form is the way to contact site admins if you don't have access to your account and can't use Speak To Mods folder (or if you have a problem with one of the moderators). The response takes a day or two.
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• I'm upset by a post, a PM, a visitor message, or something in chat
  Every forum post, PM, and visitor message has an 'Alert Mods' button on the bottom left. It looks like a black triangle with exclamation mark, and sends an alert to moderators. You can include a message explaining why are you sending the alert, to help us understand the issue faster, but you won't hear back from us because the alert is anonymous, we don't know who sent it. If you do want a response - or if you're upset by something that happened in chat - feel free to post in Speak To Mods folder instead. With chat issues all we need to know is what time and in which room there was a problem (so as not to waste time reading through all the logs for the past month). Don't worry about snitching - chances are nobody meant any harm, it was an honest misunderstanding, so we'll just see how to prevent it from recurring. Fort guidelines are largely based on members' input, so the more vocal you are about what you like and what gets you upset - the better place Fort will be.
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• I can't stand someone on Fort
  If this person is doing something you feel nobody should be doing on Fort - please press 'Alert Mods' button on the post, PM, or visitor message they posted that you feel wasn't OK. Help us keep the community safe for everyone, it's likely that you aren't the only victim. If they aren't doing anything wrong, you just can't stand them for personal reasons - you can put them on ignore. Go to your Ignore List (it's under Settings), type their username into the empty text box and click 'Okay'. You won't see anything they post from that point on, and they won't be able to send you PMs or visitor messages. They won't know you're ignoring them: PMs don't go through if your inbox is full, plus some people turn off PMs and visitor messages, or limit them to friends only. You don't owe anyone an explanation or justification of your selfcare choices.
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• I can't stand a mod
  If you feel this mod is out of line - please post in Speak To Mods folder (it's visible to all mods and admins), PM another mod, or email admin@fortrefuge.com There's no need to suffer in silence: mods are human, mistakes are bound to happen sometimes, so if you let us know about the problem we'll fix it. And if the mod isn't doing anything wrong, it's just a personal incompatibility issue - you don't really have to interact with them. If you got a PM from them, post in Speak To Mods, this way you can discuss the issue with other mods instead of this one.
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• My post is gone
  Most likely it's hidden till mods let it through. If this is your first post, we're just screening for spam, nothing personal; after your first post goes through, your account will be approved and your further posts will start appearing instantly. Posts in the Public Folder are screened as well, even if you are a long-standing Fort member. If you're under moderation, all of your posts are screened until your moderation is lifted. If you're none of the above - it could be that your post was reported and mods hid it while figuring out what to do with it. It will either show up in a couple of hours or you'll get a message explaining why it's gone. Feel free to post in Speak To Mods folder either way, we'll let you know where your post is and why it's not showing up.
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• I was moderated
  It's not punishment or a timeout. You can still read and post on forums, but your PMs and chat access are on hold until the problem is resolved. For example, if you posted a pic of your privates, we need to trust that you won't do it again. If you don't understand what the problem is - post in Speak To Mods, we'll explain. If you do understand, just post in Speak To Mods, 'got it, my bad, won't do it again.' Once we're on the same page, we'll lift your moderation, or give it a week or two to see that the issue isn't recurring. If you're upset, please take a break: posting 3 page long rants, suicide threats, or photos of your self-inflicted wounds won't make you look stable and trustworthy. Just stop typing, log out, go outside, take a day off Fort. It's not going anywhere, we'll talk tomorrow, and the calmer you are the faster your moderation will be over. We don't want to keep you on moderation, we just need to be sure you'll quit doing whatever got you moderated in the first place.
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• I was banned
  When you're trying to log in, you see an error message explaining why you were banned, and how long for. Bans are voted on by the whole mod team, we don't take these decisions lightly, but if you believe we're missing something - feel free to email admin@fortrefuge.com. If you're upset, you might want to hold off with that email till tomorrow though, just to not snowball the issue further than it has to go. For example, we might contact law enforcement about murder threats. While banned, you can't access private areas of Fort (like forum and chat), but can still use our Library, Calm Room, etc.
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• Why was my friend banned?
  We don't talk about our members behind their back, so we can't discuss ban reasons with the community, especially since many bans are temporary and the person will be back sooner or later. Generally, there are three reasons for permanent bans. First, it's people who were looking for something we don't offer and who aren't interested in coming back now that the misunderstanding is resolved. For example, supporters and researchers. Second, it's people who joined Fort with clearly malicious intents. For example, scammers, stalkers, sex predators. And third, it's people who are chronically unable to follow our rules, usually due to severe mental health problems. We receive endless complaints about them, sent them multiple warnings, had them on moderation, but nothing helped.
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Can I join if...

Fort membership is offered to anyone over 16 who believes they were abused and is able and willing to follow our guidelines.

• I'm under 16, over 60, etc.
  You have to be over 16 to register an account, and over 18 to access two forum folders. As of 2017, our youngest member is 16, oldest is in their 80s, median age is 39.
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• I'm borderline, bipolar, narcissist, sociopath, aspie, etc.
  We don't discriminate based on diagnosis, but you need to be able and willing to follow our guidelines.
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• I have/don't have/don't know if I have DID
  We're a DID-friendly site, alters are welcome to share accounts or create their own, don't have to announce who they are with, and have to follow the same guidelines as everyone else. We have a couple of forum folders and chatrooms dedicated to DID, including Kids' Corner for littles. You're welcome to join us whether you have it or not, same as with any other mental health issue.
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• I'm Christian, Muslim, Pagan, Satanist, etc.
  We're a non-denominational community, and limit all topics involving spirituality to one forum folder only. If you're OK sharing the space with people of other faiths, and agree to leave your religious beliefs or practices out of the rest of forums and chat - you'll fit in just fine.
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• I'm feminist, mens' rights activist, democrat, liberal, republican, neonazi, etc.
  We don't engage in political arguments because they're offtopic and tend to cause needless conflicts. If you're able to focus on your personal recovery from abuse and skip activism, we're cool whatever your political affiliations are.
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• I'm gay, bisexual, straight, celibate, transsexual, asexual, etc
  We have members of all genders and sexual orientations, and rarely pay attention to these details; this isn't a dating site.
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• I'm not sure if I was abused badly enough
  We don't compete on who was abused the worst. If you believe you were abused and feel you could benefit from participating at Fort, you're welcome to join us. We're a diverse community, you're likely to find someone with a similar story.
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• I'm currently involved in an abusive relationship
  We're a trauma recovery group and can't provide interventions, financial/legal assistance, or relationship advice. If you're currently being abused - please call hotlines and get 3D help to escape the danger you're in.
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• I'm targeted by CIA, aliens, supernatural forces, etc.
  Fort is an anonymous peer group, so we can't help you escape the danger you believe you're in. Please reach out to law enforcement or hospitals, they should be able to assist you.
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• I'm just looking to chat
  Feel free to hop in, but keep in mind that we're anonymous peers, not counselors, listeners, sponsors, or other such. If you're looking for a crisis chat, please see our list of hotlines instead.
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Why don't you offer...

Fort is a platform to talk about our personal experiences with abuse and its aftermath. Below are other things we're often asked for but don't offer.

• Crisis chatline
  It's a different format. In a chatline you're talking one on one with a volunteer who is trained, mentally stable, and giving you their full and undivided attention. Fort, on the other hand, is a peer support group; we are abuse survivors just like you, sharing common experiences, problems, and accomplishments in a company of equal peers. Adding counselors to the mix would be disastrous because the community is anonymous, so credentials can't be verified; you'd end up being counselled by someone less stable than you are.
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• Support for suicide crises
  Fort is a peer support groups. We have no counselors on staff. Our moderators and members are abuse survivors just like you. We aren't qualified to assist with mental health crises. It's unethical and illegal for us to try to talk you out of killing yourself, while having no way to reach you in 3D. It's also traumatic to our members, to witness you endangering yourself, while having no options to intervene. Please reach out to your local emergency services, and feel free to come back to Fort once you're safe and stable.
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• Relationship advice
  We agree that when your partner calls you names, cheats on you, or drinks away your money - it causes pain and just isn't OK. We recognize your right to classify such a relationship as abusive, and are glad that you're reaching out for support. There are sites that offer it, such as loveshack.org or 7cups.com. Fort is focusing on a different issue. Our members were abused a long time ago, but still struggle with psychological aftermath of that trauma. For example, nightmares, addictions, low self-esteem, troubles trusting people. That's what our community talks about.
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• Financial assistance
  Sometimes abuse survivors contact us requesting housing accommodations, healthcare, food, travel expenses, or other financial needs. We relate to the struggle, sympathize with your position, and hope you find the help you're looking for. However, Fort is an online support group; it has no physical assets, and can't offer financial assistance of any type. Our members can't offer it either because they are abuse survivors just like you, struggling with the same financial difficulties. Besides, the community is anonymous, and money transfers would disclose our emails.
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• Advertising space
  Our members come here to talk about hard and painful subjects, and don't want to be distracted by ads. We're paying all the site expenses out of pocket to accommodate this need, so allowing endless links to blogs, books, podcasts, conferences, etc would be counterproductive. If you know of a resource that you feel would be helpful to our users - email the link to admin@fortrefuge.com, we'll consider adding it to our library. And if you're simply spamming, please do so through our Spam Portal.
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• Research platform
  Our members use Fort forums and chat with an expectation of privacy, and feel intruded upon when they suspect someone might be here to conduct research on them. We recognize the importance of academic research, and fully support it, by linking to relevant research studies from our quizzes page. Just forward the link to your survey to admin@fortrefuge.com, we'll gladly post it.
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• Advocacy platform
  You're welcome to submit content to Fort Library, all of it is user-created. We're a trauma recovery group and have no political affiliations, so we'll only publish content directly related to abuse and/or aftermath, no political agenda. Forums and chat, on the other hand, are limited to your personal experiences only. Our members include democrats and republicans, feminists and men's rights activists, pro-lifers and pro-choices. If we all start posting links to petitions and advocating for our causes, we'll cease to exist as a support group and become a place to argue about politics. That's why we focus on the one thing we all have in common, recovery from the aftermath of abuse we survived, and leave social justice issues at the door.
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• Membership for victims
  First of all, the term 'victim' is not derogatory, it simply means the person who is currently being abused. The reason we don't offer membership to victims is because victims and survivors have completely different needs. Survivors need a platform to discuss their hardships and accomplishments with their peers, while victims need assistance of law enforcement, mental health professionals, and social services, to escape from their abusive relationship and build an independent life. Offering an online distraction to someone whose life is in danger is unethical and unproductive.
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• Membership for supporters
  Supporters have needs that are completely different from survivors. For example, many survivors struggle with nightmares, while most supporters don't; many supporters struggle convincing their loved one to get help, while most survivors don't. It's an entirely different set of issues, needs, and interests. Naturally, many supporters would like to join a survivors' site, to better understand what their loved one must be going through. However, that would compromise privacy of our members. Instead, we offer Public Forum, which our members browse and post in, and which is open to everyone, no registration necessary. This way supporters can communicate with survivors, ask any questions they wish, but survivors don't feel intruded upon.
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• Membership for counselors
  If you've been abused, feel free to use Fort for your personal trauma recovery, basing your input on your experience as an abuse survivor rather than on your professional qualifications. Many people online claim to be mental health professionals, yet our members have no way to verify your credentials because the community is anonymous. We're equal peers, sharing our thoughts, feelings, and experiences. There's no need to gain one-upmanship on other survivors because we aren't disputing theoretical subjects, and never tell each other what to do, think, or feel. If you'd like to volunteer somewhere, helping abuse survivors - please reach out to crisis hotlines instead.
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