Fort Refuge Community Guidelines

You must be physically over 16yo to participate in our support group.

Common Courtesy
Self-Care
Consequences
Hosted Chats and Private Groups
Contact a Moderator

Common Courtesy:

• Please be kind, use common sense and good judgment. Fort is a support group for abuse survivors, members discuss sensitive topics here, are vulnerable, and your words can hurt. We all have "off" days, but be respectful - everyone is welcome at Fort. Personal attacks of any kind will not be tolerated - we all have been abused enough already, let's not abuse each other further.
• Respect the boundaries of others. No one has to respond to a question or comment if they do not want to. Do not try to "force" anyone to talk - everyone is free to do so if and when they are ready. Please recognize that it may take time for our members to trust you. Do not ask personal questions that would identify a member (full name, address, phone number, etc). It is often difficult for survivors to discuss their abuse in person, this is why each of us is welcome to remain anonymous.
• Let people make their own decisions. Suggestions and encouragement are always welcome, but do not try to tell anyone what to do. We are all equal survivors, exchanging peer to peer support. None of us are here in the capacity of mental health professionals, regardless of employment, education, or training. The admins/mods are here to maintain this site, not to replace the advice of a therapist, counselor, or a psychiatrist. Likewise, if you yourself happen to have professional qualifications in the field - please base your input on your survivor expertise instead. We are here because we were abused, not because we like to practice therapy on our peers.
• What is said in private needs to stay in private. We do not allow posts or chat room transcripts to be copied and taken offsite, this can be a bannable offense. If you wish to share something you have read on Fort, please get permission from the author. The exception of course is that it is OK to share anything concerning with Admins and Moderators.
• Please be considerate of others:
  • chat safely: SI topics are only allowed in SI room, Adult topics are only allowed in Adult room, DID topics belong in DID room, Lobby is a trigger-free area. Littles are welcome in every room except for Adult room, bigs are welcome in every room except for Littles Fort.
  • do not abuse p2p (private chat box): request permission before p2p'ing someone, don't assume it's OK to talk of triggery topics without the other person's consent just because it's private, don't flood anyone with p2p - it's a distraction, don't take advantage of p2p - it's not courteous towards the rest of the room. Please refrain from p2p during hosted chats.
  • some of us have had traumatic experiences with religion/spirituality, so it can be a very sensitive subject - please keep discussions relative to it in any of the "Spirituality" folders in forums, private messages, and - when appropriate - the RA/SRA forum. Please use discretion in commenting in a negative light about another religion, and try to not identify it if possible, - we welcome members of all faiths.
  • do not use sexually provocative images or images containing violence, SI, or SUI content as your Avatar or Profile Picture. Refrain from such content while choosing your nickname and signature as well.
  • we do not allow roleplaying, defined as: any role such as parent, guardian, spouse, or significant other, that is not and never has been face to face, lived up in real life.
  • please refrain posting or chatting while under the influence of drugs or alcohol - that's just disrespectful, or glorifying the use of them.
  • please do not make suicidal or self injury threats: there's a difference between saying "I'm struggling with SI urges today, do you know any good distraction techniques?" and "Hang on, I'm gonna go slit my wrists now, brb." The latter is abusive - we are forced to witness you endangering yourself, with no options to interfere. Please get 3D help if you're in an acute crisis.
• Members who announce a "Good-bye, I'm leaving the site" message will be removed from private group memberships. To be reinstated, they will be re-evaluated after another consecutive 30 days of activity. Repeated "Good-bye" messages may result in a permanent ban - we don't support drama. We also do not delete accounts or all posts of a member upon request, for multiple reasons.

Self-Care:

Please practice taking responsibility for your own care:

• If you feel someone is violating our guidelines - please do not engage in a fight, but don't suffer silently either - contact a moderator.
• If you feel conversation is ok, but is taking place in the wrong room - feel free to ask members to move to the appropriate room. If it's a misplaced forum post - report it to moderators so that they can move it.
• If no rules are broken, a supportive conversation is taking place in the appropriate room or forum folder, but is just making you uncomfortable, upset, and/or triggered - leave the situation quietly: you don't have to respond to everything you read here. People come to Fort to receive support - do not interfere with this basic purpose by diverting everyone's attention to yourself instead (hiding under a chair, repeatedly entering/leaving the room, etc). If you're not up for it - roam to another room, browse other threads, or go make yourself a cup of coffee. Fort isn't going anywhere, you can always come back - 10min later, tomorrow, or next year.
• If it's a particular member repeatedly getting on your nerves (without violating any rules) - both chat and forums have "ignore" buttons. Pressing one will block you from seeing anything that user types or posts. Nobody will know you're ignoring them unless you tell them openly. You can always un-ignore them later.
• All of us want privacy at Fort. Admins do their part by providing the technical side of things - now it's up to you to keep your information private. Carefully plan what specifics about yourself you want to share, and with whom. If you link to your Fort profile from FaceBook - your facebook friends might follow you here. If you share your phone number with someone you met in chat - they might start harassing you off-site if the relationship turns sour. Take responsibility for your decisions regarding privacy.

If someone breaks rules…

• Occasionally: the situation will be discussed. We all have our ups and downs, no biggie. Fort is a safe place for abuse survivors to practice healthy communication and learn appropriate boundaries through trial and error.
• Habitually: the member will be placed on moderation. Moderated members lose access to chat, PM's, visitor messages, and private forums, and all of their posts are screened by a moderator prior to becoming visible to other members. Moderation lasts as long as it takes for the member to adjust to our community rules and stop violating them.
• Hopelessly: the member might end up banned, temporarily or permanently. We believe in our members, and are very generous with second, third, etc, chances, especially since moderation prevents troublesome people from causing any harm to the community, but yes, we might ban someone who's incapable of or unwilling to respect our members.
• Severely: we reserve the right to ban trolls immediately with no warning. Some signs of a troll are:
  • racism, disparaging sexist remarks, or negative commentary against anyone's sexual orientation or religious beliefs.
  • cybersex or pornography (including PM's and p2p).
  • arranging an off-line meeting with a minor - for any reason.
  • using Fort Refuge for research, recruiting, or advertisement of products or services.
  • allowing anyone else to access your account - we don't know if it was you or a roommate using your computer, but if your account is compromised - we have no choice but to block it from accessing Fort. As someone said - passwords are like underwear: change them frequently, and don't share them with friends :)

Hosted chats and private folders in forums:

Access to these can be given upon request to members who have been actively posting on forums for 30 days. This is for everyone’s protection. It allows new members to familiarize themselves with the site, and it gives all of us a chance to get to know each other and build trust. To request access to a chat/folder - check off the group you want to join, and click "join group" button. After the group leader reviews your request and grants you access to forum folder, you'll be able to view its contents. Passwords to chats are in their corresponding folders.

Got a question?

Post it in "Talk to Admin" folder on forums. As an alternative, staff can be reached by PM. You can see admins and moderators here. If you haven't registered yet, you can email the admins at admin@fortrefuge.com.

Fort Refuge is all of us - admins, mods, members, and visitors. It's a group of abuse survivors coming together to support each other in our healing journey. There's plenty of us here, so you never have to feel alone again. Some of us are here for years, some - only for a visit, but each of us shapes this community. Thank you, and hope to see you around!

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