Poems about depression

Lost

i am lost, walking through the winding roads.
never ending through shadows.
walking alone because they told me to,
walking alone, they cast me off.
if there is a light,
let it shine soon,
i cant see ahead or behind.
no hand to reach to,
no heart to trust.
 
i hide so much in my heart, they taught me to.
they took away my joy in my life.
no star to wish upon,
no light to see the truth.
they turn off the lights,
and see what they wish.
 
and death wishes are carved into my soul, my heart, my body.
chains bound to me,
a hell that they have made.
and i see that my salvation never came.
...

by songbird
Radioactive

It's all a lead blanket,
to keep it all inside so I only poison me.
I cannot inconvenience them all--so I
shut down, go comatose.
I can't even feel my own body.
While inside, I'm wild,
radioactive.
All sharp jagged edges and high winds.
Screaming so loud inside my own mind,
That I can't hear you when you speak
to me.
So they all think I'm lazy--sedentary.
I've just learned not to stir up the toxin.
I'm nonfunctional and unreliable--can't move.
For fear I won't stop before--I can't snap back.
Before I destroy all in my path.
Burn the whole damn thing down with me.
Angry I can't stop myself from diving in.
Because I'm so irritated inside;
bleeding life just to look at you.
Because I'm trying not to feel so,
radioactive.
And you know I never forgive myself,
for poisoning you all--again
after the explosion.
Because I'm trying not to be so radioactive.
...

by weepingwillow
Not for me

I am being swallowed whole by this.
Feel my world shrinking by the minute.
I look out through the bars behind my eyes,
wondering if anyone can see the cage I'm stuck in?
Fear and uncertainty are wearing me down again.
Rage and despair control me again and I've got
Nowhere to go.
Who cares?
There is no relief for this constant ache.
Overwhelmed by miniscule decisions.
I lean on you crushed to pieces.
All of these years of introspection later--
there isn't any hope and there aren't any dreams.
Still I slog on gritting my teeth every day.
I promised-
and I will.
There is no purpose to my life.
There is no divinity or sacredness.
No difference one day to the next.
My soul tied up in barbed wire I pretend I don't .
So I can present the impossible me to the world.
Whole and complete and at peace with myself.
It's not possible.
It's not for me.
...

by weepingwillow
Glances, questions...

Glances,
Questions.
Awkward silence.
Time passes   as distance deepens.
 
Words spoken,
Sharp as daggers,
Cleave the air.
Secrets betrayed   and trust shattered.
 
Run or stay?
Brick by brick,
Walls grow and envelope
Then they blot out the sky.
 
Winding pathways   leading you astray,
Bones unseen beneath.
Trampled and   awaiting discovery.
Voices echo as ghosts   peer around corners.
 
Miles of confusion
Chaos eclipsing common sense.
Every stone a loss of self.
Beloved friends and family   lost in battle.
Until only memories remain.
The lost souls   haunting the present.
 
Shadows grow stronger,
As reality fades.
Flights of fancy
Free the enslaved.
Until only the body remains.
 
Shame, regret, anger
Then finally pain
Complete the descent.
A door opens...
A light glimmers.
The flame is extinguished.
 
The door closes   as the key turns,
Silence echoes   as space shrinks.
One by one they say goodbye,
Silent screams   as reality strikes.
 
Darkness unfolding,
Promises of relief.
Caught in the middle,
Torn between light and dark.
Seeking anonymity.
 
A hand beckons,
Fear paralyzing
Voices echoing a warning   too late.
A few steps then falling.
The ground gone,
Fog above and black below.
 
Frantically searching   for a foothold,
Only finding walls of glass.
Faces peering in.
Air pulling in all directions.
Winds cycling until   a tornado of chaos.
 
Dazed and disoriented,
Fact and fiction   indistinguishable.
Lines curving   until patterns are obscured.
Time spinning   faster and faster
Then lost as it is   suspended...
 
A hand appears in the fog.
Defying fear and gravity...
You grasp it tightly.
Not knowing where you go   or who is leading.
Blindly following.
 
Heart racing,   breaths coming short
Knowing this   your final chance.
A gamble of good vs. evil.
Life and death.
I close my eyes and leap.
...

by kailima
Embrace

You are holding me and I am still alone.
It's like a magic trick in my head.
Pretty words in safe blue
etch in red in my mind.
I would swear it was possible for my soul to .
The hinges lubricated and things get in and out.
I would swear it was possible to be psychotic--
and rationally know it.
I cannot make sense of my own thoughts.
I do try to behave rationally.
I am so frustrated to find I am failing.
Though still drowning I've floated near enough,
that I can see the surface and
how far down I've been again.
Never broke through though I thought I had.
Tired of struggling so hard just to find
that I'm swimming for the bottom again.
I want to give up and don't know how to do that either.
I will do as I always have-trudge on and survive, exist.
Screaming silently all the way.
Can't you hear me love?
You're so close.
...

by weepingwillow
Brick by brick

Brick by brick i build the walls
layer by layer I seal myself in
shutting out pain, and fear and doubt,
hiding safely, deep within.
 
Brick by brick I build the walls
layer by layer I seal myself in
a castle a fortress without
a tiny prison cell within.
...

by dilly
Two places

A place where confusion reigns supreme,
and beauty is only a dream,
and dreams are goals which cannot be reached,
and the light...
has gone dark,
and love...
can't be found,
and the art of friendship is slipping,
and everyone lives in misery and dark.
 
And the place where everything is understood,
and beauty is at every turn,
and dreams and goals are within grasp,
and dark...
will become light,
and love...
is all around,
and friendship is strengthened.
and all live in happiness.
 
Two places in my mind, my soul.
Two places in my heart.
One I want to live in,
the other I want to be rid of.
Where dark is light,
I have no fright,
but where light is dark,
I seem to dwell.
 
Two place, two extremes.
One insanity, misery.
The other happiness.
How to get from the dark,
to the light?
I try and I fail.
 
Save me from this place of misery.
"Help me", I call I scream.
"Someone? Anyone?"
I whisper to no one.
Not even I am listening
to such a pathetic soul.
 
One day. Some day.
I may see light close up,
not from far away....
Some day. One day.
Maybe.
...or not...
...

by weepingwillow
Lifeline

Sweet and soft,
my silken lifeline,
he throws to me.
Pulling, he lifts me,
from the bottom.
Lifts me through the tidal pool.
Grateful and dependent.
I cling to him.
I lean on him.
I pull on him.
...

by weepingwillow
And not appear

How do I ask for help,
and not appear desperate?
How do I lean on you,
and not appear weak?
 
How do I cling to you,
and not appear needy?
How do I admit I can't,
and not appear useless?
 
How do I wait for you,
and not appear helpless?
How do I think of myself,
and not appear thoughtless?
 
How do I hold the rage,
and not appear emotionless?
How do I give it away,
and not appear worthless?
 
How do I talk about it,
and not appear whiney?
How do I protect my demons,
and not appear self-destructive?
 
How do I not harm you,
and not appear distant?
How do I crack this shell,
and not appear?
...

by weepingwillow
Perfect ending

I am electrifyingly numb
and muddled.
The fog swirls, the thick feel of my thoughts
keeps me from communicating.
And I fear
I fear
I fear
my future.
 
Your reaction, any and all reactions.
I suffer, laughably,
some strong pained martyr I make myself
out to be.
The part of distressed artist,
I play so well,
when I've been told how easy I can be fixed.
All in my mind, my head.
Where?
I forgot it
it
it
it
 
was important, again.
A subject, and ending I look for.
The perfect ending,
per-ah
per-ah
 
mmmm... perfect ending.
The end?
...

by weepingwillow
Scarlet mistress

can I just die
you don't even have to cry
no mess just death
take back your breath
I hate the living
I'm going to start digging
I can no longer pretend
I want the pain end
it hurts inside
welcome home your bride
why keep us waiting
the guest are fading
soon we won't have a witness
I'll be your scarlet mistress
abandoned at the alter
you left me in the water
the miracle didn't walk by
so I'm asking you why
he got his silver
and I'm stuck in a river
...

by slothrunner
Red flags are pretty

I should have known
from that one time...
 
where you kicked me out
said I'm not welcome
 
then slammed the door
three times
 
but the deadbolt was out
and you cracked that poor door's spine
 
and i thought
"what about mine"?
 
but i left...
and i cried
 
and i wrote giant paragraphs of text
and you wrote giant paragraphs of text
 
and we decided
i should come back...
 
and later, when we talked about it
how the door doesn't close
the half busted lock-- it remembers and it knows...
 
but you forgot (or denied)
that it ever even happened
you refused to believe
that the crack was new
and came about of your
mad design
 
that you called me by name
when you kicked me out
and that should have been
a sign
 
i should have known...
 
when you woke me up
at 3am
and yelled and screamed
and made me sleep
in my bed
 
how your sister said your mom
did the same thing
to your nephew next door...
and his bond to her
grew stronger and she became his floor...
 
i should have known...
 
when you said
"I need to make sure
you have your own bed"
and that it can't be put away
it should be ready every day
 
because "I'm an anrgy person"
you would always say...
 
so I get to deal with it
if I leave then you'll feel it...
 
I should have known...
 
when you attacked me
then ran from me...
then said that I shamed you
when I told you...
"I'm going to sleep in the car
you can have the tent"
as blood leaked from my
not-yet-a-scar
 
and then the next day...
you worried what I would do and say...
would I leave you? would I
"hold this over you"?
would people think you a monster?
 
but what about me?
do you consider that with your decry?
 
i spent all my energy
supporting you
lifting you up
making you feel better
about what you did
to me
 
saying it would be fine
saying I won't re-live that crime in my mind
i won't want to drink more wine to feel just a little more sublime
that it'll be better if we only give it some time
my feelings and outbursts could shame you so I'll make sure they stay JUST mine...
 
and on my misery and loneliness
i began to dine...
 
chew it
swallow
shove it down in my gut
 
let it permeate my body
mind
and even my butt
 
i should have known....
 
not to get into bed with you
not to move into a home with you
 
that one night when we fought
in the street
about RFID chips and
conspiracies
 
and I apologized ...
because megan said I was broken
and i thought so too
only I didn't know she knew
just what strings to pull
to make me feel like I'm the monster
when she's dating her future husband
and in the same rhyme
saying "I love you, come out here, we'll have a good time....
forget that back burner thing, it'll be just fine
i'm moving to be with you
and there aren't any hidden designs
in my mind"
 
i should have known...
 
and i did.
 
i did the whole time.
 
but even i know i'm broken...
 
can't trust myself--
 
hell i can barely even rhyme
 
i felt rejected dejected miserable and imperfected
 
i know now this illusory world of "my problems" is too often just her own issues projected
and my gullibility is reflected
when part of me knows what's up and then my anger is inflected
 
red flags
 
look prettier
 
every
single
day.
 
so next time
 
i can promise me
 
i won't
look
away.
...

by Tokala