Folks of course are going to vary in opinions on this one, so only sharing my own fwiw.
Way I see things is we all are personally responsible for ourselves, our own feelings, our own ability to cope and to seek help. Full stop!
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I personally do believe that folks can indeed recall and talk about what they did not recall or talk about for as many years as is humanely possible. However, does that mean this person was abused? Idk. Maybe, maybe not. I simply do not know.
Many folks define emotional abuse differently, so idk if you are being abused by this person, or not. I simply am not here to judge anyone's experience or behaviors.
I guess what it comes down to for me is delineating where my responsibilities are in relationships.
If my sis is accusing folks in the family of abusing her, ok...so she feels that happened... Now what is my role? I do not see it my role to believe her or not believe her, I can simply choose to leave it an unknown. If that is what she wants from me though, well, she is barking up the wrong tree. However, I can respond to and relate to her pain. If she was abused or not, I may be able to still see and relate to her pain and support that in some way... if I feel I want to. If I feel it is not causing me too much stress or grief to do so... cause remember, I am responsible for me and my stress. (She is not causing me stress)
If she insists I have to agree with her reality of things to deal with conversing with me... well, tough luck.
If she gets demanding of me well... I am going to let her know that I can in fact remain without an opinion if it is fact or not and if that is going to cause a tantrum, well, I do not remain around tantruming adults...I leave quite easily.
It is not easy to hear shocking things. I also may need time to process and come to terms with this, not to say I will eventually feel she was abused, but I still need to come to terms with the info faced with. So I need to respect that for me...and be kind to allow myself time to digest what I have taken in.
Same goes for me... if I reveal about an abuse, and the person listening does not believe me, well, ok, that sucks, I am disappointed, but now what? It is my job to take care of me. If I feel I need validation on my experiences, well, maybe I need to seek a therapist to help me cope with life without the confirmation I am not going to recieve from others. For me, it really doesn't matter if no one believes me, I am still left with what I am left with to manage...these intense feelings that are taunting me...that is mine to deal with..no matter how much Ii wish to move some of these feelings off of me, they are going to remain until I learn to face and manage them. Besides, most of my friends are not nearly capable of dealing with any of my abuse history so to dump it on them, really wouldn't contribute much to the relationship...I save it for my therapist, and here with others who understand.
So as for my family... much abuse happened within my family, by several. If I were to confront them, I expect them to deny it, to feel it unbelievable, too awful to accept, and likely want me out of their faces for the reminder of my truth. Ok, well guess what? I decided that because of our realities being so different and the emotional disconnect we have, meant I felt engaging with them did me more harm that anything positive. Actually, relating to them was not even neutral for me, it was damaging to my emotional well being. Same rule I mentioned above applies... not at all my job to convince them my truth, to convince them to side with me or take sides or anything. I control me only. So safest thing for me was to put distance between us until I felt I was looking out for my emotional well being. So I did that. I continued with the distance to feel more emotionally safe. Turns out I have been NC with them all over 10 years. This, imo, was safest. It is still, me taking care of my emotional needs.
Idk if that makes sense or is helpful, but it is what it is and the only way I keep my own sanity is by knowing whose job is whose. Never is my job to be there to provide emotional regulation for another. Now, I may decide to be comforting to someone, or feel like making a validating statement maybe... but that is kind or thoughtful of me, NOT my obligation... and I would never intentionally do so if the validating statement was not genuine for me and what my truth is as I know it.
Way I see things is we all are personally responsible for ourselves, our own feelings, our own ability to cope and to seek help. Full stop!
..................................
I personally do believe that folks can indeed recall and talk about what they did not recall or talk about for as many years as is humanely possible. However, does that mean this person was abused? Idk. Maybe, maybe not. I simply do not know.
Many folks define emotional abuse differently, so idk if you are being abused by this person, or not. I simply am not here to judge anyone's experience or behaviors.
I guess what it comes down to for me is delineating where my responsibilities are in relationships.
If my sis is accusing folks in the family of abusing her, ok...so she feels that happened... Now what is my role? I do not see it my role to believe her or not believe her, I can simply choose to leave it an unknown. If that is what she wants from me though, well, she is barking up the wrong tree. However, I can respond to and relate to her pain. If she was abused or not, I may be able to still see and relate to her pain and support that in some way... if I feel I want to. If I feel it is not causing me too much stress or grief to do so... cause remember, I am responsible for me and my stress. (She is not causing me stress)
If she insists I have to agree with her reality of things to deal with conversing with me... well, tough luck.
If she gets demanding of me well... I am going to let her know that I can in fact remain without an opinion if it is fact or not and if that is going to cause a tantrum, well, I do not remain around tantruming adults...I leave quite easily.
It is not easy to hear shocking things. I also may need time to process and come to terms with this, not to say I will eventually feel she was abused, but I still need to come to terms with the info faced with. So I need to respect that for me...and be kind to allow myself time to digest what I have taken in.
Same goes for me... if I reveal about an abuse, and the person listening does not believe me, well, ok, that sucks, I am disappointed, but now what? It is my job to take care of me. If I feel I need validation on my experiences, well, maybe I need to seek a therapist to help me cope with life without the confirmation I am not going to recieve from others. For me, it really doesn't matter if no one believes me, I am still left with what I am left with to manage...these intense feelings that are taunting me...that is mine to deal with..no matter how much Ii wish to move some of these feelings off of me, they are going to remain until I learn to face and manage them. Besides, most of my friends are not nearly capable of dealing with any of my abuse history so to dump it on them, really wouldn't contribute much to the relationship...I save it for my therapist, and here with others who understand.
So as for my family... much abuse happened within my family, by several. If I were to confront them, I expect them to deny it, to feel it unbelievable, too awful to accept, and likely want me out of their faces for the reminder of my truth. Ok, well guess what? I decided that because of our realities being so different and the emotional disconnect we have, meant I felt engaging with them did me more harm that anything positive. Actually, relating to them was not even neutral for me, it was damaging to my emotional well being. Same rule I mentioned above applies... not at all my job to convince them my truth, to convince them to side with me or take sides or anything. I control me only. So safest thing for me was to put distance between us until I felt I was looking out for my emotional well being. So I did that. I continued with the distance to feel more emotionally safe. Turns out I have been NC with them all over 10 years. This, imo, was safest. It is still, me taking care of my emotional needs.
Idk if that makes sense or is helpful, but it is what it is and the only way I keep my own sanity is by knowing whose job is whose. Never is my job to be there to provide emotional regulation for another. Now, I may decide to be comforting to someone, or feel like making a validating statement maybe... but that is kind or thoughtful of me, NOT my obligation... and I would never intentionally do so if the validating statement was not genuine for me and what my truth is as I know it.