interesting topic
i guess my opinion that its a matter of degree and the effect it has on the child.
religious/spiritual/moral/ethical/cultural/etc values are an integral part of ones identity, and of course parents want/need to pass them on to their children. i think its perfectly normal and a good thing. i mean, its good to know who you are, what your heritage is, what your ancestors believed, how they lived, etc. also good to be raised with the basic ideas that we dont kill, dont steal, dont covet our neighbors wives, etc - and not just cuz acting otherwise might land you in jail, but cuz doing these things is morally wrong. that understanding can form at any age, but its best for the person and the society as a whole if this understanding forms in childhood. and parents play a large (though not exclusive) part in that. additionally, religious/spiritual practices can be a source of comfort/inner peace/inspiration/etc for many people. one can learn how to self-regulate in this way at any age as well, but learning it in childhood is better imho, provided that its a positive experience. i mean, it can be comforting for a child to know that theres an omnipotent g8d who loves them and will help them if they need it. holidays offer joy, structure, and a sense of belonging to the community. idk, that every fall we eat turkey with cranberry sauce and think of all the things we're grateful for in life (thanksgiving) - its a good thing imho, for both children and adults, and i think its good when parents provide some sorta framework like that, pass on these traditions to their children, so that theres a sense of continuity, something that their children can pass on to their own children as well. when a mother teaches her daughter how to bake gingerbread cookies for christmas, or how to braid challah for shabbat, or whatever their religious traditions are - i think its a great thing on many levels.
im aware that members of many religious denominations believe that theirs is the only "right" one while all others are destined to eternal hell. personally i dont think i believe that. im not sure what exactly afterlife looks like; idk if theres a hell and, if so, how exactly it works. but i doubt people get sorted based on their beliefs rather than actions. cuz that would go against very basic fairness and kindness, and, i mean, thats not what i believe about g8d. i dont believe g8d will send billions of muslims to eternal hell, regardless of how they act, just because they dont believe he had a son named jesus christ - and that he would spare christians who do believe in jesus christ but abuse their own children in his name. that just doesnt make sense to me, so i kinda doubt that thats how it works. however, i can see how people who believe this would teach this to their children. kinda like i teach kids that eating cheeseburgers is wrong - im sure it seems bizarre/meaningless/cruel/etc to many people too.
from moral/religious standpoint - most religions promote unconditional love, acceptance, support, non-judgment. there are indeed communities that instill hatred instead, idk, westboro baptist church preaches that "god hates america" for example. matter of choosing your beliefs i guess. to me, when theres a conflict, with a child or with anyone else, and especially if religion is involved somehow - to me its important to sit down and figure out what do i actually believe here, if deep in my heart i believe im doing the right thing or not, if this is what g8d wants me to do or not, and, if so, what does that say about g8d. i mean, if a 5yo doesnt wanna braid challah with me - i highly doubt g8d would want me to ostracize her for it. cuz its cruel and doesnt resolve the problem in any way. i believe g8d wants us to love and support each other, not abuse little kids. so if i get urges to take out my frustration on this child - im in the wrong, need to take a breather and rethink my strategy.
and from practical/secular standpoint - parents are required to provide a safe and sane home environment where their child can grow into a functional adult. thats not optional, failure to do that constitutes child abuse/neglect, a crime that can result in prison time. parents who are unable/unwilling to provide healthy environment for their children - need to contact authorities, so that the child can be placed elsewhere. constantly threatening a child with eternal hell, to the point that they develop anxiety, nightmares, etc - is abusive, and can result in removal of the child and criminal charges for the parent. there was a story for example, some woman used to tell her 7yo granddaughter that shes a rotten kid so witches will come at night and take her to hell. then, at night, she would dress up as a witch, wake up the kid, and drag her to the basement, letting her "escape" the last minute. that grandma went to prison for it. some parents go further than that, we got a bunch of stories on our
memorial wall, of kids/teens/adults who were murdered by their parents over religion. young children who their parents believed were possessed by d8mons, teenagers who wouldnt wear hijab, adults who divorced their spouses and/or dated someone outside of their faith/class/etc. its tragic, when people use religion as justification for abuse/crime. not uncommon, unfortunately. people use all sorts of beliefs to justify abuse; we've had a member whose mom tortured him throughout his childhood, from birth to adulthood, because she believed men were rapists. kinda nuts, the variety of excuses people come up with, to abuse their kids.
sorry for the lengthy post, i guess what im trying to say is - its a matter of extent/context, like with other forms of abuse. idk, slapping a 2yo on the hand while they are trying to grab a burning candle - not omg abusive imho. beating a 10yo to bruises - is abusive. telling a 12yo how to use tampons, once - perfectly normal; repeatedly insisting that she does it in front of the parent, "to make sure shes doing it right" - abusive. telliing a child that theres a g8d who loves them and will help them, but they need to behave themselves - fine. constantly threatening them with eternal hell - abusive. something like that, idk
...probably, no different really from the mismatches in our political beliefs...our sexual preferences. Bottom line is he may live his life differently than me, believe in different things, but when it comes down to it, this does not detract from his decency...one I like to think my influence/socialising helped him develop.