• Hey :) Just a reminder that Fort community is not equipped to discuss current ongoing abuse. If you're currently involved in an abusive relationship - please log out, contact hotlines and/or alternative sites (the Help tab on top of any page lists a few of each), and feel free to come back to Fort once you're safe and stable. Be safe.

Registering on Fort

Lala

Admin
Admin
Joined
Feb 29, 2008
Messages
9,160
#1
Frequently asked in emails and private:

1. What do you do with my email and who sees it?
When you register, your email is checked against our database of known spammers/advertisers and if the computer feels you may be a spammer then registration is denied. This is automated and no one actually sees your email at this point.
Admins can view your email address but typically we don't need to unless you need assistance with your account or there is an issue.
Rarely we will send an email to you which if you prefer you can change your settings and choose to never receive email from us.
Overall your email is safe, I have no issues using my personal email which contains my real name on it.


2. Why do I need to tell you my Date of Birth?
Coppa law requires us to get written parental permission for anyone under 13 years of age. We opt out and our guidelines require all users to be physically 16 years of age and older.
We also offer certain areas to persons who are over the age of 18.
If you choose to display your age then your screen name will appear at the bottom of the forums on your Bday and we get to tell you, "Happy Birthday"
When registering you can decide whether anyone sees your entire birthday, just the month and day, or not at all.


3. Can I just read the forums and not post?
After registering you will have access to most of the forums.
We have private sections at the bottom that remain private until you are comfortable interacting on the forums more regularly and apply to join those specifically.
They also contain passwords to the private chat rooms and hosted chats.
Please note that we occasionally delete all accounts that have never posted.
A one time, short, "Hello", post will ensure your account is open and available to you and you may read the majority of the posts from there on out without being deleted from the database and having to re-register.


4. You say you only allow people over 16- who are all these kids on here??
We welcome DID/MPD persons.
These kids are living in an adult body. For more information on DID/MPD please see the other sticky in this area or:
http://www.fortrefuge.com/DID.html
and
http://www.fortrefuge.com/DIDfacts.html.


5. I can't read/understand what they are saying.
We understand. Most websites do not allow them.
DID/MPD persons are limited if not outright rejected to better accommodate those of you who are the majority. Here we do allow them to just be themselves and express in a manner consistent with how they feel best, what is in their heart.

I would say most of the kids spell phonetically and/or with kid linguistics- how it sounds when spoken by a child. While rarely actually needed, if you could use assistance please feel free to kindly ask for an interpretation or translation. Otherwise, you are in no way obligated to read/respond to any posts here made by anyone.
Most of these younger persons are highly intelligent, deep thinking and very insightful. Some of the best advice and feedback I have received personally has been from those that appear very young.
It can be startling for those unfamiliar with Multiple Personalities but if you can put aside preconceived ideas and/or prejudices you just may make a great friend.

While we deeply regret when people feel too uncomfortable and just can't shake it and need to leave, we know there are sites with high numbers of members, places much bigger than ours, that would love to have you and we wish you the best.
If you want to perhaps find littler known communities not on the top of search engines maybe you will find something in our list of web rings here:
http://www.fortrefuge.com/webrings.html


6. Are you going to ask for money?
No. We won't accept it if you offer.
This site is paid for by Kevin and we choose to not bring money issues into this Refuge. We don't currently have any paid advertising nor sponsors to intrude upon you either.

7. Who are you?
Me personally that is writing? I'm usually known as "Lala" ; friend, mother, wife, survivor without a license, living in small town USA. :P
Sometimes Kevin answers email as well but then he will sign his name.




Feel free to email us at admin@fortrefuge.com

Lala
 
Last edited:
U

Unregistered

Guest
#2
why has my registration been denied, i'm not a spammer

I don't understand why my registration has been denied, i'm not a spammer, just someone in need of support as a survivor struggling with issues from past abuse.
 

Manya

here an there
Admin
Joined
Jul 30, 2009
Messages
17,831
#3
good question.
it sometimes happens that you're trying to register and receive an error. each error page explains what happened and offers solutions, but usually it's one of the three problems:
1. you are under 16.
2. the nickname you wanted to use is already taken by another member.
3. the nickname you wanted to use, your email address, or your ip address belong to a known spammer.

if you're under 16, you cannot register at fort. you're welcome to come back when you're older.
if the nickname of your choice is already taken - you need to pick a different one.
if your ip or email was used by a spammer - you might want to change it and make sure spammers don't have further access to your new email account.
if the nickname you wanted belongs to a known spammer - pick a different nickname. for example, if you wanted to register as 'new_member' and received an error - try registering as 'new_member2012', 'member_new', or anything else you like.

you can see the reason your registration was denied and steps we suggest to resolve this problem on the error page you see at the time of denial.
if you're still unsure how to resolve the problem - feel free to email admin@fortrefuge.com, and we'll gladly investigate your specific case and assist you with it.

hope this helps :)
manya
 
D

DarkApril

Guest
#4
Why Can't I Register if I'm Under 16??

Hey there everyone. I have a quick little question about this forum that I need to be answered before I decide to join. If anyone could please answer me then I would really appriciate this. First of all, here's a little bit of info about me. My name is April and I'm fifteen years old. I struggle with cutting myself, my parents are alchoholics, and I've gone through bullying at school for over ten years now, beginning when I was in pre-Kindergarten. I was wondering...is this forum only for people who have been abused? I don't consider myself as ever having been abused. I would feel bad joining this forum if it's directed toward people who have been abused because I would feel like I'm stealing help from other people who need it more than I do. Anyway, I really need a place to go where I can talk about the stuff in my life that's bothering me with other people who are going through the same situations that I am because I don't have anyone in my life who understands. My parents are too drunk to help me, my sister believes that I'm suffering because of teen hormones that aren't serious, and all of my friends think horribly of people who cut themselves, which means I can't tell them anything. If someone could answer me, I would appriciate it. Thanks and have a good day, everyone.
 

Manya

here an there
Admin
Joined
Jul 30, 2009
Messages
17,831
#5
hey april :2b

first of all, so sorry to hear of your struggle. self-harm is a painful issue, and a hard one to resolve. however, recovery is indeed possible - i myself have stopped it, and know a few people who also did. its a tough road, but doable.

fort refuge is a peer to peer support group for people who have been (or still are) abused in some form: physically, sexually, verbally, emotionally, etc. in no way do we believe that abuse survivors deserve more help than anyone else - we dont compare pain and emotional turmoil people are in for any reason. everyone deserves help they need. however, the form of this help would vary depending on what specifically the problem is, and fort offers help for abuse-related issues. its not that we reject everyone else - just that we dont know much about other things. abuse we have personal experience with, and can share our thoughts/feelings/insights regarding it. there are sites that focus primarily on self-harm, so those can offer a lot better support for self-harm issues than we can - because this is what they are dealing with.

we also are only open to those who are 16yo and older. again its nothing personal, not that we dont like teens and refuse to talk to them, or feel that they dont deserve support. not at all. just the support for minors is very different from support for adults. for example, its a fairly common thing for our members to suggest each other to get themselves into therapy, to talk of their struggle with a mental health professional. for adults its a matter of simply choosing to do so. while for a teenager its a lot more complicated, as you cant just go get a therapist for yourself, you need to ask your parents to get you one, explain to them why you feel you need it, etc - which is a whole other can of worms, as many teens arent comfortable disclosing their self-harm problem to mom/dad. our members, mods, admins, etc arent qualified mental health professionals, all we can offer is our personal experience/thoughts, and so we won't know what to suggest for specific teen issues such as how to talk to your parents, how to get counseling at school, how to handle classmates, etc. so a site made specifically for teens might offer a lot better support than we can. also, since most of our members are older, they mainly discuss their specific adult struggles: work-related issues, spouses, children, etc. so a teenager might feel left out in our group, not able to relate to what people talk about, and not having other people relate to what s/he is saying either.

what we do have that could be helpful for you is a few library articles regarding self-harm:

- page of helplinks and hotlines - you can browse the sites for more info, and you can call a hotline to talk to someone, this is very helpful.
- page with basic information on what self-harm is and isnt, why people do it, etc. - might not sound very interesting, but its good to know what exactly youre dealing with, in order to figure out how to resolve it.
- self injury bill of rights page - people who self-harm often are confused about what they can and should expect from other people. while, self-harm or not, we all deserve fair treatment, and all have the right to have our boundaries respected. so this page lists some of these practical things you have the right to.
- a great page that lists tons of techniques on battling the urges to self-harm. a very useful thing imho - when you're in the middle of a crisis it can be hard to think straight and come up with other alternatives. so this page lists things you can do to battle the urge.

i hope you find some of this info helpful, and that you'll find the help you need and deserve - its available, just need to find it. a good place to start might be talking to a trusted adult - i hear that your parents arent really the adults you want to talk to, so maybe someone in school? maybe a parent of a friend? a distant relative? theres nothing horrible about people who self-harm, it just shows you're in a great emotional pain and havent learned good coping skills yet - it doesnt reflect bad on you, just means you need someone to help you out with this. we all need help at times, nothings wrong with that.

very much hope you find the help you need and deserve...
:2b for you
 
D

DarkApril

Guest
#6
hey april :2b

first of all, so sorry to hear of your struggle. self-harm is a painful issue, and a hard one to resolve. however, recovery is indeed possible - i myself have stopped it, and know a few people who also did. its a tough road, but doable.

fort refuge is a peer to peer support group for people who have been (or still are) abused in some form: physically, sexually, verbally, emotionally, etc. in no way do we believe that abuse survivors deserve more help than anyone else - we dont compare pain and emotional turmoil people are in for any reason. everyone deserves help they need. however, the form of this help would vary depending on what specifically the problem is, and fort offers help for abuse-related issues. its not that we reject everyone else - just that we dont know much about other things. abuse we have personal experience with, and can share our thoughts/feelings/insights regarding it. there are sites that focus primarily on self-harm, so those can offer a lot better support for self-harm issues than we can - because this is what they are dealing with.

we also are only open to those who are 16yo and older. again its nothing personal, not that we dont like teens and refuse to talk to them, or feel that they dont deserve support. not at all. just the support for minors is very different from support for adults. for example, its a fairly common thing for our members to suggest each other to get themselves into therapy, to talk of their struggle with a mental health professional. for adults its a matter of simply choosing to do so. while for a teenager its a lot more complicated, as you cant just go get a therapist for yourself, you need to ask your parents to get you one, explain to them why you feel you need it, etc - which is a whole other can of worms, as many teens arent comfortable disclosing their self-harm problem to mom/dad. our members, mods, admins, etc arent qualified mental health professionals, all we can offer is our personal experience/thoughts, and so we won't know what to suggest for specific teen issues such as how to talk to your parents, how to get counseling at school, how to handle classmates, etc. so a site made specifically for teens might offer a lot better support than we can. also, since most of our members are older, they mainly discuss their specific adult struggles: work-related issues, spouses, children, etc. so a teenager might feel left out in our group, not able to relate to what people talk about, and not having other people relate to what s/he is saying either.

what we do have that could be helpful for you is a few library articles regarding self-harm:

- page of helplinks and hotlines - you can browse the sites for more info, and you can call a hotline to talk to someone, this is very helpful.
- page with basic information on what self-harm is and isnt, why people do it, etc. - might not sound very interesting, but its good to know what exactly youre dealing with, in order to figure out how to resolve it.
- self injury bill of rights page - people who self-harm often are confused about what they can and should expect from other people. while, self-harm or not, we all deserve fair treatment, and all have the right to have our boundaries respected. so this page lists some of these practical things you have the right to.
- a great page that lists tons of techniques on battling the urges to self-harm. a very useful thing imho - when you're in the middle of a crisis it can be hard to think straight and come up with other alternatives. so this page lists things you can do to battle the urge.

i hope you find some of this info helpful, and that you'll find the help you need and deserve - its available, just need to find it. a good place to start might be talking to a trusted adult - i hear that your parents arent really the adults you want to talk to, so maybe someone in school? maybe a parent of a friend? a distant relative? theres nothing horrible about people who self-harm, it just shows you're in a great emotional pain and havent learned good coping skills yet - it doesnt reflect bad on you, just means you need someone to help you out with this. we all need help at times, nothings wrong with that.

very much hope you find the help you need and deserve...
:2b for you
Oh...well, I understand it all clearly now. The problem is that I'm only fifteen, so I can't join, but I have nowhere else to go. I've been on a number of different forums for self-injury help and I ended up having to leave all of them because I got treated badly by all of the other members, even though I was nice and tried to be helpful. But, I understand why you guys wouldn't allow me here, because that's a whole new set of problems to deal with. And I know that if I joined, you guys would have a hard time helping me because I ask my parents for therapy, but they never make any appointments or anything, so I'm stuck without help. The problem is that I can't find a forum specifically for teens that I haven't already been a member of and treated badly on. Can you offer some with nice members? Thanks.
 

Manya

here an there
Admin
Joined
Jul 30, 2009
Messages
17,831
#7
hey again april :)

i personally am 35, so obviously i dont visit teen forums/chats, that just would be wrong, you know. i did browse around though, and looked rather deeply into virtualteen.org - seems like a solid site to me. there can be mean people at any site, cant avoid them online really, but i personally judge sites by how admins/mods act there, and how they address problems. i spent about two hours reading through various threads on virtualteen.org, and got a very good impression. it is run by teens themselves, and admins/mods seem very professional to me. they have many forum folders for various issues (including a busy self-harm folder), and chat. the site is open to anyone between 13 and 19, been around for 12 years, got 7K active members and 10 mods. best shot i can give regarding teen forums/chats...

however, it is of course up to you, but i personally believe that, aside from forums, a 3d, irl, professional help would be a very good idea for you. doesnt mean youre crazy or anything like that, just sometimes its a good thing to talk to an adult too, and trained professionals can be a lot better than some random adults who have no clue what they're talking about. i understand your parents arent very helpful/supportive - been there myself. yet - you arent really stuck with them. you are a minor, in custody of your parents, but you're also a citizen, a valid human being, and do have rights. it can be tricky to get what you deserve when your parents arent cooperative, but it can indeed be done. try talking to other adults around, honestly. there are teen services in every country - you have a right to all this help, and if your parents dont want to support you - you can either get support bypassing them, or you can have someone have a talk with your parents about it all. try calling hotlines, talking to someone in school, or any other adult you trust. i heard of a few teens getting help after they spoke to a neighbor, remote family member, etc. just some adult who can help you research what options are available to you, and pick and chose which ones might be a good fit. you are in custody of your parents, but you are also a part of a larger society too, and that society does care...
 
U

Unregistered

Guest
#8
Self-harm is never the solution.

Hey April,

So sorry to hear about your pain and suffering. You are young and bright no child should have to go through such pain. I used to harm myself starting at the age of 12. Self-inflicting pain stopped when I turned 18. I realized that what am i gaining by hurting myself. It isn't healthy, you are only loosing yourself on the way. You shouldn't have to deal with such pain, it isn't fair. Please see a counselor, who will be able to talk to you and help you.
 
U

Unregistered

Guest
#9
Unable to see "image verification" fully in FireFox 40.0; only partially in Chrome

Perhaps Admin will have a chance after the holidays to let me know by return email what to do to solve my problems w/registering. In the registration section, in Firefox v. 40.0 I see *only the words "Image Verification", but no image to verify, and no place to type in the verification text. I didn't want to stack up a bunch of attempts which might sour my static IP as potential spammer, or worse, so I stopped trying to register and for experimentation's sake, opened the Guest Forum in Chrome (not sure of the version; I do not allow it to auto-update). Only now, in making this post in Chrome do I see anything beyond the text "image verification" - for the first time I see a partially truncated image along w/Captcha options and a field into which I can type the verification characters from the image.

Not trying to complain - just hopeful that someone will be able to tell me what browser functions I may have caged which are causing the problem in Firefox - as it is my preferred browser 99% of the time. I do not ever use InternetExploder :)

Thanks!
 

Manya

here an there
Admin
Joined
Jul 30, 2009
Messages
17,831
#10
hey :)

unfortunately i cant respond through email because the email address you provided through contact us form is invalid :P
glad you posted here so we can sort it out. you can email admin@fortrefuge.com directly, that would allow me to see your address and respond to you. or you can just use chrome to register, should be no issues with it :)

:ty for headsup about the captcha glitch on the older version of firefox, will def look into it.

:rs for you

ps: random internet explorer meme :D
 
U

Unregistered

Guest
#11
Not able to log in

Hi moderators,

I can't get on the forums since some time
It logs me in , but immediately out again
Hope some one can help with this problem ?!

- Shelter
 

Manya

here an there
Admin
Joined
Jul 30, 2009
Messages
17,831
#12
oh hey shelter
sounds like your browser isn't accepting our cookie anymore. try allowing cookies from fort, clear your history/cache, restart. if you're using a bookmark to get to fort - delete that bookmark, go straight to www.fortrefuge.com, make a new bookmark. you can also check "remember me" box, that should keep you logged in till you log out, even if you close your browser window (obviously dont use it if you're on a shared computer).

hope to see you around :rs
 

Shelter

Known To All
Joined
Apr 10, 2016
Messages
404
#13
Thnx Manya!
Not sure if that would work .. Just cleaned everthing ..
Am in through IPhone now. Laptop is the problem.. Actually both laptops wont let me..
Will try one more time what you advise! I might be doing something wrong. Thanks for the help

- Shelter
 

Shelter

Known To All
Joined
Apr 10, 2016
Messages
404
#16
(that was on my IPhone. That device gave no problem!)

Now on laptop and marked the 'remember me' . That was the trick :)
Never had to do that before, but hey, I am in again and that counts !
Thnx again for the tip(s) !
 
U

Unregistered

Guest
#18
Still can't log in

Hi I have registered my self few days ago , and I still can't log in .
Is there any probleme with your systeme or anyone sleeping ?
I have registered as Annie25 , so look for it in your systeme and approve it .
Thanks .
 

Manya

here an there
Admin
Joined
Jul 30, 2009
Messages
17,831
#19
alrighty then.
we have no "Annie25" in our database, and i see no registration attempts from your ip address within the past month. if you email admin@fortrefuge.com, i can check if your email address is in the system under any other username. other than that you can just try registering again, doesn't look like your attempt went through.

ps: the site is maintained by volunteers, abuse survivors like yourself. there's really no need to be rude, even if you're very frustrated by some tech glitch with your registration.
 
U

Unregistered

Guest
#20
Need help registering

Military vet with PTSD, depression, and schizophrenia...I'm trying to register but the system keeps spitting out my application saying I can only access the guest forum. Kind of frustrating, but I'm sure we can fix it up. Any suggestions?
 
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