• Hey :) Just a reminder that Fort community is not equipped to discuss current ongoing abuse. If you're currently involved in an abusive relationship - please log out, contact hotlines and/or alternative sites (the Help tab on top of any page lists a few of each), and feel free to come back to Fort once you're safe and stable. Be safe.

Don't know if this counts as abuse

Taylor73

Getting The Hang Of It
Joined
Aug 14, 2016
Messages
25
#61
Hi,

I can't really speak to whether or not you were abused, it definitely sounds like you are struggling in certain areas. I just wanted to say that for me I started my journey in a recovery group. I was nervous and scared at first but I realized not to long after I started that everyone there had a story, some were struggling with addiction, some with self worth, some with trust or co-dependency etc.. Anyway, they all had a story and most had been abused in some way or another in their past. Even when I was still questioning whether I had a right to call my experiences abuse I felt like I was in a safe place to start exploring my childhood. It was amazing how loved and accepted I felt by everyone else there and I never felt any kind of judgement. Through the group I was eventually encouraged to seek therapy. I'm a single mom of four so at first I was hesitant because I was pretty sure I couldn't afford it but because the group was Christian based and took place in a church I was steered toward the Therapists they had on staff who work on a sliding scale. I have been going once a week for five years now and I don't pay much. So I just wanted to share with you some possible options, hope that helps a little :)
 
Joined
Sep 16, 2016
Messages
4
#62
hmmm

i dont think your mind would make you all of a sudden think that happened if it didnt really. not by the way you react to sexual touch. i think your mind has just blocked out the memories to protect you but something like a song like you said might have triggered it causing the memories to start breaking through overpowering the wall your mind put up
 
Joined
Oct 7, 2016
Messages
1
#63
Should I report historical abuse? What counts as abuse?

I was in relationships with older men as a young teenager. With a 24yr old man when I was 14/15 then a 30yr old man when I was 16/17.

Both were consensual (encouraged by me even). In the first one, the only 'abuse' experienced was that I wasn't able to legally consent to the sex I was having. The relationship itelf was loving and felt relatively equal in power dynamic (in fact I'd say I had more intellegence at 14 than he had at 23 so actually held control). To all intents and purposes it functioned as any other teenage relationship. We both lived with parents, attended college / training, had similar interests / incomes etc etc.

In the latter relationship there wasn't 'abuse' on a legal level. He was very careful that we didn't have intercourse until I was 16 and yet, when I look back, I percieve that I was groomed. He encouraged me to break ties with friends and family and live solely with him . . . suggested I leave edication to get married and have his children . . . made me out my clothes to dress in the ones that he liked . . . He was a lecturer at my local college (he taught my friends) so was in a position of power over young women my age. When I eventually escaped he threatened to send a sex tape to my parents. The relationship was so many kinds of wrong.

More recently I saw the second boyfriend (now nearly 40) with a girl who couldn't have been more than 16. This leads me to belive he is carrying out the same type of behaviour even now. I'm angry and sickened and I want to make it stop but I don't know who I'd report it to or what I'd report him for.

I'm also horribly confused by the double standard that I have no ill feelings towards the first relationship that was abusive from a legal perspective (this an is now married to a woman his own age and has children), but I'm tormented by the one where legally there was no crime but I feel was damaging.

How do I proceed?
 

Sunfl0wer

Rebuilding
Got Keys
Joined
May 23, 2016
Messages
5,099
#64
I dated lots of older men as a teen. Sometimes I felt more groomed than other times. (I say all this looking back with wisdom of female with 40+ years) Always though the guy had some emotional immaturities, or insecurities and appreciated the fact that I was not going to be judging him as his peer aged females may judge his: job/educational decisions, financial decisions, time management stuff, ability to care for self or kids.

I was a kid, so yea, couldn't really judge a grown man for not acting more adult. He knew enough emotionally what a young gal wants for her emotional needs stroked, and gave conditionally, gave to create a bond in me to him to replace what I did not get as a kid from my family...I guess it made him feel good to have that affect (and also not feel responsible/accountable for other life areas he didn't feel good at.)

As for how you proceed...
Not sure we can tell you what to do. Maybe can just share our experiences on things in some way...

"Proceed" is a bit ambiguous.
Legally?
Self growth?
Something else??

What are you wanting?
 

LCraven

Getting The Hang Of It
Joined
Oct 12, 2016
Messages
49
#65
I'm in the same situation of not knowing what exactly is real. My childhood was no bed of roses. My home life was a volatile mix of near-cult religious conservatism, mental illness and drug addiction. I didn't feel safe in my environment, and I had been forbidden to tell anyone what was going on. It was the perfect breeding ground for all kinds of abuse. In my 20s I started feeling as if there were, for lack of a better description, pieces missing in my mind, like an internal wall I couldn't get around. Sometimes little things would start to come up but I'd have a panic attack if I started focusing on them so for a while I just ignored it.

I've been told by a variety of individuals that I "act like a sexually abused person", which caused me to eventually wonder if those missing memories were of being molested. When things finally did start coming through, however, they were so crazy and "out there" that I'm still not sure if I'm just making it all up. Things that go way beyond having a funny uncle. There are pieces that don't seem to fit in with the rest of my life- they stick out like a big, white elephant, and I've always had a vivid imagination, so it's easy to think my mind just created things to fill in the blanks. I'm still not 100% sure what exactly happened. The only thing I can suggest is to find a really good therapist who can help you try to get to the root of your feelings. Don't settle for a crap therapist who isn't going to listen to you- in this case it is very important to find someone willing to listen and invest time in unraveling where these things come from.
 

Jane

Lark Ascending
Got Keys
Joined
Jun 19, 2013
Messages
26,093
#66
One thing that I have noticed about my memories is that they sometimes get a bit jumbled up...but are generally based on something that did happen. An example: I often have this memory of being buried alive...pressure of earth on my chest, being unable to breath...it didn't happen...wouldn't be here to tell the story if it did. I did however experience sensations of being smothered...overlaid by a much bigger adult and other CSA related actions that caused me to struggle for breath. So although my mind remembers the sensation very well...my mind has muddled up the events that lead to these. Given this I do not take all my memories as :omg 100% accurate in all their details...however also do not dismiss them as having no basis.

Other thing I do is to try and make sense of things force myself to fill in the gaps. Found it is not helpful...leads me to speculate on what might have happened...before long this leads to my mind getting muddled about what I truly remember and what I have speculated (implanted in my mind). I know when I was a kid I was fed stories by my parents to cover up the truth eg to explain a non-accidental injury. After a while my mind got to believe these alternative truths...suppose I was subjected to a mild form of brain washing.
 
N

Nepenthe

Guest
#67
Being irrational with my boyfriend after a trauma

I dont know where else to turn, i experienced a sexual assault just over a year ago and met the love of my life a couple of months after.
Everything has been amazing with my boyfriend.
The 'person' (i will not refer to as a man) disappeared from my life shortly after and only in the last couple of months i saw him while i was driving through the town and the feelings i had pushed out of my mind have completely resurfaced and i feel i becoming more and more insecure and feeling worthless and i cant possibly bring myself to tell my boyfriend.
I am now terrified my feelings of what happened will affect my relationship.
All i want to do is tell my boyfriend and i know he would be so supportive and amazing but i know his nephew knows my abuser and i know it could potentially cause a whole lot of trouble.
I just want someone to talk to on a deeper level who has been through similar and can give me some advice.
Very much appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this.
 

eagle22

Fort Resident
Temp Banned
Joined
Aug 20, 2014
Messages
7,173
#68
Sorry to read all you've been through. No idea where you are but there are help lines available in most countries...some are listed above. I think maybe they will be of help to you as you try to get through this..they are often staffed by survivors of similar abuse so will have empathy for you.
Hope this helps in some small way :hug
 
Joined
Nov 14, 2016
Messages
4
#69
Is it abuse?

Hi guys. I'm Jean and I'm slightly hesitant about coming here because I feel like I haven't suffered abuse but alters and my best friend say it is. I feel like because I grew up with it and because I'm used to it it isn't technically abuse to me. But at the same time if I'm scared to go home every nigt because I know I'll get yelled at and called names and all it is. I just don't want to take away anything from anyone else. If this isn't abuse then I'd like to be told so, so I'm not misinterpreting anything.... Sorry, goodnight.
 

Manya

here an there
Admin
Joined
Jul 30, 2009
Messages
17,831
#70
hey jean :rs

idk whats your story, but whether its abuse or not is your call to make, not ours. fort is open to anyone who believes they have been abused and wants to talk of coping/recovering from the aftermath of this trauma: ptsd, depression, etc. some people are here because they were gang raped and now cant sleep because of night terrors. others are here because their parents didnt love them much and now they cant form meaningful relationships and feel lonely and inadequate. we dont judge whose story is "bad enough" and whose isnt, what matters is that we all have problems as a result of something someone did to us that they shouldnt have done, so we come together to talk of how we overcome these problems and rebuild our lives.

fort is not a hotline, where people wait in line to get connected to a volunteer who'll talk to them. its a peer support group. there are no volunteers, its people like you talking to each other, and everyone is free to respond or not respond to anything they wish. so you wont be taking anything away from anyone, you'll be adding to the community: your story might help someone feel less alone in their struggle, and your insight might help someone else tackle their problem.

hope this helps :bf
 
Joined
Oct 31, 2016
Messages
9
#71
Not Alone

This makes me feel a lot better about how I feel about my parents. What I struggle with most is validating how I feel, whether my hurts are legitimate. It's always been drilled into my head that I'm too sensitive, that I'm disrespectful when I voice that the things my parents do hurt me. I try to understand them, but I can't forget that they. hurt. me. What hurts most is they refuse to recognize it. The more I realize that people who take on the role of the abuser live in fear. I hope one day to fully realize that the being in the dark corner isn't a big scary monster, but a silhouette of mist that confuses me and doesn't make sense.

I believe that the people who consistently hurt you have no solid basis upon which to give you validation. Over time when a person independently discovers his/ her own beauty, that's what counts. I can't keep waiting and hoping for my parents to change. They'll never understand that they put themselves before me, emotionally, that they emotionally dehydrate me.

You're not alone in this feeling. I try to tell myself to look in the mirror and see myself with my own eyes, not my parents'. At the end of the day, I am the only person who will be there for myself 24/7.

Wishing you love and healing :fbf
 
Joined
Nov 24, 2016
Messages
1
#72
Am I in an abusive relationship, or am I just going crazy?

This is my relationship right now, with my boyfriend....
He intentionally pushes all of my buttons and pulls at every nerve (insulting me, pointing out all my flaws), then he says it's "for my own good", he thinks he's making me stronger, thinks he's "training" me. He forces affection on me and admits that he does it just to piss me off, but when I do get pissed off, he retaliates at starts a fight with me. He tries to control me and my daughter, he tells me how to raise her because he thinks I'm not doing a good enough job. He criticizes everything about me, to the point where I feel bad about myself and he says "it's your fault you feel bad about yourself" and "since you feel bad about yourself, I'll make you feel bad about yourself too". He does all of this because he thinks (or claims) it helps me. He gets angry over small things, gets angry that I can't have sex right now because of pregnancy-related health issues (then he threatens to cheat on me) then screams in my face, throws things, breaks things, and when I retaliate with an angry response or cry from having a nervous breakdown, he only gets worse. One of our horrible fights, it was caused by a simple conversation about bills, I merely said that since I'll be on maternity leave (my already low income will be cut in half) and he is getting a huge raise and promotion at his job, that it might not be fair (or even possible) that I pay 50% of all the expenses. This sent him into an angry stupor, yelling at me, accusing me of being a "lazy *****" and not wanting to work. I try to explain that I can't work, since I am growing and carrying his child, and will have to stay home for a little while to take care of our new born child. This just makes him even worse, he says "Oh, so you'll have it easy, sitting on your lazy ass at home with the baby while I actually WORK to provide for you!" My daughter was in the house, she witnessed everything and heard him yelling at me, she saw me break down, huddled on the ground crying and hyperventilating (he would not stop yelling). Some of you may think I overreacted, or maybe I'm a drama queen, but having chronic depression/anxiety is not easy,especially when you throw pregnancy hormones in the mix. It traumatized her, she broke down too from seeing me in that state, and that broke my heart even more. She jumped to my side, holding onto me and crying, yelling at him and defending me.
It shouldn't be this difficult, everything feels so difficult, I feel like I'm in a cage with high voltage bars, and each day the cage gets smaller and smaller, it's closing in on me.
After our fights he apologizes and says he feels bad, that he loves me. He apologizes to my daughter too and tries to buy both us off, tries to buy our forgiveness with gifts or dinners. But the fights just happen again...they happen almost every day.
All of my friends and family say that I should just leave him...that simple, huh? Just leave. Like it's that easy. The only thing is...where would I go? I have no one that I know in the city I live in who would house me and my daughter (and my unborn child). I would have two choices: Be homeless (in a high crime, highly homeless populated community) with my two children, and most likely get them taken away by C.F.S., or move back in with my parents (who live two hours away). The second option may seem like the better choice, but please try to see things from my point of view: my daughter's dad (from my previous marriage) and step sister and half brother live in our city, if we moved away, she would be distanced from her family and almost never see them again, she would also have to switch schools (again) and leave all of her friends behind. She has A.D.D., so huge changes in routine just mess her up. Also, I would have to abandon my schooling and completely forfeit my future career, flushing all of my invested time, money and effort down the toilet. Mine and my children's' lives would be turned completely upside down by either outcome.
When ever I talk about leaving, he threatens me with things like taking our baby away from me and making sure he gets full custody, and replace me with some other woman to be our child's mother. He says that if I leave, he'll make my life a living hell. But I feel like I'm already in hell...and I feel like there's no way out. Not right now, anyways. I wish I could just leave him, I wish it were that simple. I think that my best option (at this point) would be to wait out the storm, once I am able to go back to work and I have my degree, get a well paying career so I don't have to rely on his money anymore and I'll be able to stand on my own two feet and be able to support myself and my children. I'll also be sure to get a good lawyer, a court order for him to pay child support and I will allow him (supervised) visitation rights for our child.
How do I keep my sanity for the time-being?
 

weepingwillow

Resident Bandito
Got Keys
Joined
Oct 20, 2012
Messages
14,329
#73
:hi ah30

idk, we can't really say if you're being abused or not, is up to you really whether you think it's abuse. Now, imo, his behavior is out of line at the very least but what one person can put up with and not feel abused is unbearable to others. You say forced affection, if you mean forced sex that is rape by law where I am - doesn't matter if you live together, are dating, married, etc., if you say no and he keeps going it's legally rape. A lot of the things you said he is saying are common in abusive relationships, such as saying he's making you stronger.

Another thing I try to remember is that being in a relationship is a choice. It doesn't have to be abuse to leave. You can leave him if you don't like the way he chews or sneezes. I mean, you don't have to have a reason other than you are somehow unhappy with the relationship and don't wanna be in it.

There may be local dv shelters that could help you if you feel you need to leave. They at least can give you insight on your rights in your area and may be able to provide you and your children housing. Things are a little different everywhere, so idk what the dv shelters where you are can do, but you can call them and ask questions without having to leave. They may be able to help you plan an exit strategy that doesn't require you to give up your hard work in school and your career. He can't just up and take the kids cuz you left him, just doesn't work that way and is considered kidnapping. Not to scare you, but in some places staying in an abusive relationship while a small child is at home is considered child abuse and can result in the kids going to foster care. Way bigger disruption imo than moving, even if it would be such a huge stressful move. I'm not saying it's easy (or fair), not by a long shot, and everyone's situation is different. Not telling you what to do, that is absolutely 100% up to you. I know it's not as easy as "just leave him", especially given you have a small one and are pregnant as well, just that you may want to look into the laws in your area to see what you can do and what you have to do by law. Far as I know being homeless isn't grounds to have your children removed, so that's not likely a concern.

I am sorry to hear how you and your daughter are being treated. It's a terrible situation to be so incredibly unhappy in a relationship. Whatever you decide is best for you, I hope it pans out for you. :rs
 

Sunfl0wer

Rebuilding
Got Keys
Joined
May 23, 2016
Messages
5,099
#74
Hey,

So sorry you are in this position.
I cannot speak for another, just myself.
What matter isn't how I categorize the situation for you, but how you feel about it and if it is or isn't working for you or is or isn't harmful to the child, soon to be children.

So, in line with speaking for me...
I was in an abusive situation. I ended up going to a domestic violence shelter that my T referred me to. It was not as bad as many may think. I certainly would not have guessed it to be a safe place, but it actually was. The other women there were focused on getting their stuff together to leave asap. They were building resumes, applying for jobs, or food stamps, all with support of staff. No one was stagnant and no one was harmful to one another.

Sure not all shelters are that way I am sure.

So another situation, My child was a toddler, and I was living with my mom who was emotionally and verbally abusive. Sure, my immediate idea was that it HAD to be better than a homeless shelter. Well, I really wasn't feeling too good about exposing my child to her abuse, even if I was there to intervene and it was limited. After much personal deliberation, I decided... Well, option #1 is I KNOW my son is being exposed to abuse. While Option #2, a homeless shelter, idk. Maybe abusive, maybe violent, but idk.

Often for me, the unknown is the most scary option.

However, I took a huge leap of faith and decided to leave my mom's and enter the homeless shelter system with my toddler child.

I will never regret making that decision for us. It really helped me to start owning my choices and taking back control of our lives.

Sure, it could have turned out different.
Sure, fear of the unknown coulda been worse and damaging.

Yet, just simply saying...
Sometimes our fear of the unknown is worse than reality of it.

At my mom's, I knew there would be just verbal and emotional abuse, not physical.
In the shelter, I had no idea what to expect. My biggest fear was physical assault.

I ended up staying in the shelter about three months before I found a place on my own. Was not nearly as awful in real life as it was in my mind.

Just saying cause sometimes I have prematurely have eliminated viable Options.
IMO, not a good idea to eliminate ANY options while in crisis. All are viable. Yet, that is my opinion, no substitute for any other.
 
K

KurseTen

Guest
#75
Hello

I went through a horrible expereince when I was younger and it reminds me of your situation. I'm glad you found someone that is worthy of you! I tild myself you cant appreciate the beauty of light without a defining shadow. we are able to appreciate the good, because we know what bad really is.
I hope you have told him your story, if not when you do I hope he as understanding as he seems!
 

Jane

Lark Ascending
Got Keys
Joined
Jun 19, 2013
Messages
26,093
#79
Been thinking about this whole subject...'is it or is it not abuse'.

Clearly what constitutes legal abuse varied between counties cultures and even states. Bit is not too hard to pin down what applies in a particular area, can do this via the local DV shelter, or Community Law Centre or if you have the resources by checking with a lawyer. What I find less cut and dried is how to define behaviours that do not reach the legal thresh-hold needed to be called unlawful...a lot of the not ok behaviour I lived with (and found very distressing) fell into this category - upsetting but not outside the law...not things that the authorities had power to do anything about - or were interested in interested it. Things like being insulted, demeaned and emotionally manipulated, having no say in situations that impacted on me and such.

Since coming to Fort I have realised that behaviour does not have to be illegal to have a serious impact on those who live with it. Indeed as a survivour of both illegal (rape and physical violence) and the not ok but not illegal stuff like that I mentioned above I now believe that any and all of these behaviours have the potential to cause trauma not only at the time but in the longer-term.

I am now at the point of believing that it is immaterial whether what has upset me is legally defined as abuse...what is more important is what it was like for me to live through...whether I perceived it as traumatic, whether it has left me feeling hurt and damaged. It has left me feeling lesser, needing help and support to heal from.

Have a personal example. As a child among other things I was blamed, punished and made to suffer for stuff that was outside my control. Later as an adult I had a relationship with a partner who also was quick to unjustly blame me. I found this aspect of their treatment of me hard to bear...could not take it in my stride. Other people may have been able to but my previous history made me very sensitive and reactive to what they were doing - continued to do even though I told them I found it unfair and hurtful.

My thoughts for what they are worth. :bee
 
R

Rin

Guest
#80
I'm not sure if my mum is abusive or not, or what I should do about it

Hello all, and I apologise in advance if my post is clumsily written. Not only do I struggle to talk about these things, I think I might be slightly concussed at the moment.

I'm 28 years old and I'm an only child, and I'm still unfortunately living with my parents, who are miraculously still together. I'm unemployed and recieving support benefits right now, and moving out isn't really an option for me at the moment. I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety which I am on medication for, and I've been struggling with type 2 diabetes for ten years now. Yes, I was diagnosed with it at 18.

I used to think my mum was an angel. I used to think she protected me from my horrible miserable dad, who didn't like us and didn't care about us. He used to work a lot, so he wasn't home very often, and yes he used to be the one who punished me for doing bad things when I was little, so my child brain bought into it. Only within the past few years did I learn what was really going on then. Dad always felt pushed out and blamed for everything, I learnt to see him as a villain, and my mum was seeing another man and planning to take me away to live with him. He was a drug addict.

Another important point I feel like I should bring up is my mother suffers with epilepsy, and has grand mal seizures. These tend to happen if she's tired, stressed, or hasn't taken her medication. I have been exposed to these seizures since I was very young and they're terrifying, and on many occasions have required hospital visits. Of course, this isn't her fault at all, but I think she knows how badly it affects us and how we both feel the need to keep her happy now.

I self harm and the first time I cut was when I was nine. I think. I know I was still at primary school then. I don't remember much of it, but it was in the bath, and one of mum's razors was in reach. I remember when she saw it all she did was tell me to wear a long sleeved top and not let dad see. Nothing else was said about it. I was bullied a lot at school because I was a large girl, in height as well as weight, so maybe that was why I felt the need to do this, but I didn't feel like her reaction to it was particularly healthy, looking back.

I remember when I left primary school I ginally had a few friends. Most of them were boys, I was a tomboyish girl. A lot of them probably only liked me because of my mum though, because she was a 'cool' mum. She bought them porn and let them smoke. I think she was just desperate for them to like me? I remember vividly about her making this truth or dare game for us to play. I know a lot of the things in it were rather inappropriate, kissing and stuff, but the worst was a card about a boy putting his hands up a girl's top or something. We were about 11 at the time.

Secondary school was pretty bad for me. I went to a girl's grammar and never really fit in. They had strict uniform rules and because of my height and weight (for reference I am 6'2" and obese now, and I grew very quickly, I was probably about the same then) my parents struggled to get uniforms for me. I had big feet too, so I had awful man's shoes. I remember having an awful pair of tailored trousers that didn't even fit, because according to mum she couldn't get me grey trousers anywhere else. I only had one pair, and they didn't get washed until the weekend. My blazer didn't fit properly either and it was humiliating. Skirts were an option but until then I'd never really worn many girl's clothes, mum usually got me men's clothes, so I didn't feel comfortable in those at all. The few times I did wear one I was made fun of.

My schoolwork declined and my relationship with my father got worse, we would argue a lot and he would get frustrated and hit me. Mum would hit me too, but somehow this was overshadowed. She'd also shout and throw things and break my stuff. But dad always seemed to be made out to be the evil one somehow. I couldn't concentrate, I got extremely anxious in classes, I couldn't do my homework, and this made things worse. I started self harming again, and when I was 15 I was in hospital for a few days because I overdosed on the antidepressants I was given at the time. I was often in the toilets cutting myself and being sent home. Mum would never really have any sympathy, I was just being a pain because she had to come and pick me up. Oh, and I was stressing her out. Which made her epilepsy worse.

I managed to scrape together a handful of GCSEs thanks to private tuition but no one was really proud of me. I was a failure and I knew it. I got into college and failed there too. My first year was fine but I couldn't cope with my national diploma and dropped out. It was all too much.

Since then I've not really done much with myself other than get worse mentally. I've tried volunteering and was employed part-time for a while, but I could never stick to anything. I was too anxious, too self-deprecating. Too tired as well! My diabetes is very poorly controlled. Mum never really knew what portion control meant and as a result, I struggle to control my eating habits now as well. She used to let me eat whatever. I remember her buying me big bags of chocolate, crisps, whatever, probably just to shut me up? I don't know. Or maybe to make her look like an even better guy compared to dad. Either way I honestly think that's why I was dianosed as diabetic when I was 18. And it terrifies me.

Of course if I bring that up with mum its my fault. And I honestly feel guilty about it.

Over the past few years anyway, things have deteriorated with my mum. I gained a new burst of self-confidence in my body when I went to college, and since then I've tried to dress in clothing I feel good in, but she usually tells me it looks bad. Or my skirt's too short, or its too tight, or whatever it is. I'm fat and ugly and I should cover up, I guess, but I don't want to, its the one thing I have that makes me feel good about myself.

She's also very abusive with my dad, expects him to do everything and do the house up, yadda yadda. Now our house isn't amazing, but it belongs to us, and the morgage is paid off, and considering how things are in the UK right now, that's pretty good for a working class family. We have a stable roof over our heads and I feel like we should be grateful for it. But its never good enough for her.

She's also started getting jealous with my recent relationship with my grandparents (her parents). My grandfather had a stroke earlier this year, and I have been helping to care for him, mostly just by being around for them and cooking. They've been grateful and not minced their words telling me this, which has been amazing for me, I've been so happy to help and its felt so good to feel useful finally. But mum doesn't like it, because SHE'S not getting praised, she doesn't get this, or that, even though she doesn't do what I do.

What finally made me snap was yesterday. She started complaining about dad again, and I told her she shouldn'#t complain so much about him. It turned into an argument which ended with her snatching up the TV remote and smashing it around my head.

I need to do something but I honestly don't know what. She terrifies me, this wasn't her first violent act against me, she often throws things but I honestly feel like she's given me concussion, and it terrifies me to think what she might do next. She feels absolutely no remorse. Not once have I ever got an apology from her. I think she'd have happily grabbed a knife if it was to hand and got me with that instead, and not felt bad about it, simply because 'I made her angry'. Is this good enough to go to the police with? I don't want to seem like a timewaster. Or is there any mental health services I can call, because I honestly think she needs help.

Thanks if you bothered to read through this post. I'd really appreciate any input :)
 
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