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A veteran of symptoms

Joined
Jan 10, 2021
Messages
14
#1
Hello.im brian.im new here because I'm like everyone else finding a place where I can share and feel comfortable without ridicule or stereotyping..I'm 53 I've carried dual diagnosis. Bi polar ptsd.treatment is non existent.im exhausted fighting my battle over 40 years without medications too I'm intolerant to meds so I learned how to cope. .I cycle often and become so self hating I barely survive the cycles these days.. people are afraid of what they don't understand. I'm tired of the ideation that it comes with my illness I'm tired of constantly going through evaluations when I'm feeling down my problem with my illness is I can't find any reason to love me for carrying it and the final find some love for me in this life it will have been an empty life .not what I want .I only want to be happy..shit I can't remember when I was hugged last .but none the less hello😁
 

Sunfl0wer

Rebuilding
Got Keys
Joined
May 23, 2016
Messages
5,099
#2
Sorry you are not finding a way to receive treatment for your symptoms.
I suppose I also have my bouts of self loathing... I say suppose cause I wasn’t noticing these tendencies in me due to trauma responses of disconnecting from my inner experiences. It feels devastating and makes me not want to exist when I loose fuller perspectives of living and I forget how living is not all that bad, how it can be the opposite of the bad stuff... but when I am in that mindset... feels impossible to see my way outta the thoughts that floor me/block me from seeing what is good to live for.

Am glad you know that you want to be happy... sounds like a good intention for a starting place from here perhaps.
 
Joined
Jan 10, 2021
Messages
14
#3
Sorry you are not finding a way to receive treatment for your symptoms.
I suppose I also have my bouts of self loathing... I say suppose cause I wasn’t noticing these tendencies in me due to trauma responses of disconnecting from my inner experiences. It feels devastating and makes me not want to exist when I loose fuller perspectives of living and I forget how living is not all that bad, how it can be the opposite of the bad stuff... but when I am in that mindset... feels impossible to see my way outta the thoughts that floor me/block me from seeing what is good to live for.

Am glad you know that you want to be happy... sounds like a good intention for a starting place from here perhaps.[/QUOTE
 
Joined
Jan 10, 2021
Messages
14
#4
Thank you for the kind prospective..yes I can't stand the flashbacks they trigger me.i don't try a self loathe it seems to be a default switch that goes off..it can take just a simple thing like watching a movie where a tape or a story of abuse similar to my experiences.im gonna get these cycles under control.bring here and sharing has unloaded a lot off of me..today I'm in a great mood .I've met a new therapist that is up to my challenges .plus I'm a man of faith..I have God in my corner .He's opening these doors for me..thank you and have a great night😁
 
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