Guest,
not a guest?We're glad you stumbled upon us, though regret that you needed to google an abuse site. Whatever brought you here - child abuse, rape, domestic violence, religious abuse - we want you to know you're not alone. Abuse, unfortunately, affects people from all walks of life, and leaves an aftermath that can be hard to talk about: PTSD, suicide, addictions, DID, you name it. However, pretending it isn't there doesn't make it go away. We offer
a bunch of resources available to public, and members-only forums and chat, to talk to each other about what happened to us, how we feel about it, and what we do to rebuild our lives after this trauma. Fort membership is free, anonymous, doesn't expire no matter how much or little you use it, and is offered to any abuse survivor over 16 who agrees to follow our
guidelines. Welcome to Fort!

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JournalingMany abuse survivors struggle with depression, addictions, unhealthy relationships, even suicide thoughts. One of the reasons it's happening is that abuse robs you of your identity, so once it's over - you feel lost and unsure of who you are anymore, and try to fill your life with unhealthy distractions. Another reason is that abuse causes a lot of conflicting feelings: pain, anger, fear, frustration, love, confusion, self-blame, hope. Talking of these feelings is hard, and even the most supportive friends can't listen 24/7. Journaling resolves both of these problems. It allows you to express your thoughts, feelings, desires, plans, hopes - free of judgment or limitations. To re-discover who you are and what you want to do with your life. This page lists a few of the most common approaches to journaling - pick the one that seems most inviting, or experiment with them all.

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Growing Up In A DV EnvironmentI grew up in a violent situation, where the adults around me were not only violent with me, but were also violent with each other. Domestic violence was really confusing for me as a kid. Then I had the fortunate opportunity of living in a completely different situation with my adoptive Mom and Dad, and the contrast between the two situations was drastic.
I read something a while back that made me think about the situation. I remember really strongly how I felt as a kid when the adults around me fought with each other, argued and were violent with each other, were disrespectful towards one another, and treated each other as less than a person. Their actions had a huge impact on me--I was afraid the majority of the time, I didn't feel safe, cared about, or stable, my world felt like it was always on the brink of crumbling, and I had no way to get myself out of the situation or to improve it, so I felt really trapped. Considering I didn't have anything to compare this environment to, I figured this was just the way it had to be--that adults argued, fought, were violent, etc.--and I often felt as if these things were my fault. Fortunately, once I got out of the abuse situation and my Mom and Dad adopted me, I found out that relationships and conflict within relationships could be drastically different.
My Mom and Dad often disagreed with each other, had arguments about a multitude of things, didn't see eye to eye sometimes, but they never treated each other with anything less...

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Stages Of Healing From AbuseWhile every survivor's path is unique, there are some common stages we all go through. It is rarely a straight sequence, as we tend to move on from stage to stage too fast, which results in jumping back and forth - from anger to acceptance only to discover that we missed grief, or to realize we have more anger than we used to think and we need to revisit the anger stage, or to walk through a few of these stages again, regarding another instance of abuse that we didn't think much of at first.
This page is by no means a recipe to healing, it's simply sharing our experience. Walking this path can at times feel like it's hopeless, getting worse, or going in circles. Sometimes it truly is. This is why a roadmap might be helpful.

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Living With Agoraphobiai've been struggling with agoraphobia for the majority of my life. It's waxed and waned over the years, swelling and receding in its severity, but it's never fully gone away. There have been times where it was so severe i've been bedbound for a few days. There has been times where it was held back, and going outside wasn't a big deal. There are times where i can go outside easily with trusted companions, but cannot step foot out my door to even check the mailbox on my own. Each time i've battled the extreme 'flareups' that agoraphobia throws at me, i'd had different approaches, depending on where in particular the irrational fears were stemming from. This current bout, though, has been one of the most difficult to fight, and one of the longest stretches i've had to endure it. i started to write about it on Fort about a year ago, at first just venting frustrations, but the thread grew into more than just an explosion of emotions - it shows glimpses of my journey, thoughts, plans, ideas, failures, successes...
When i was approached about sharing this particular battle of mine more publicly on Fort, i felt a little bit honored. i often feel that Agoraphobia is misunderstood. i know i'm still attempting to wrap my head around it, even after all these years of living with it. It's a very lonely, isolating condition, and at its worst, it's completely irrational, yet totally unbudging against all forms of logic. And if putting my story out there will help reach others, to...

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AddictionsAddiction is such a heavy topic, with so many stereotypes, judgments, blame, and shame attached to it. Truth is, many people are addicted to one thing or another: alcohol, coffee, drugs, cigs, sex, gambling, internet, drama, video games, psychotherapy, shopping - you name it. Many of them live fairly functional lives, and would be insulted if someone categorized them as addicts. Addiction only becomes a problem when you spend more time/money on it than you're comfortable with, neglecting/sacrificing other areas of your life; when the habit in question becomes a bigger part of your life than you'd like it to be - or when it starts hurting other people. It can be an unpleasant topic to think about, if the price you're paying for your habit isn't really worth it for you. However, avoiding the problem rarely resolves it, while looking into it might turn out to be helpful, especially if you're in fact fine with the costs of your habit and it's just the peer pressure that's making you feel like you need to change something.
First of all, it's you and you only, who gets to decide if your habit is a problem or not. Societal norms/expectations/attitudes fluctuate rather widely, over time and across the globe. A little over a century ago society had an issue with masturbation; people were getting locked up in mental asylums, some even committed suicide over their inability to quit "this sinful addiction" which they weren't even comfortable naming - and now we teach our children that...

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Neglect
Neglect means failure to provide adequate care to the child in one's custody. It's by far the most common (and the most lethal) form of child abuse, yet the least spoken about. Many people struggle placing "child abuser" label on a parent who didn't mean to harm their child, who struggles with various hardships and failed to do their job as well as they should have. However, visiting one's problems on a child is inappropriate because the child has no remedy: they cannot divorce their parents and live independently. Without adequate care, they get sick or even die; those who survive often suffer serious psychological trauma, chronic physical illnesses, and/or developmental problems, sometimes irreversible. Overcoming parental hardships is a part of being a parent. People who can't afford bare necessities can apply for government assistance or reach out to charities. People who don't know how to maintain a clean house can google tutorials or hire a cleaning lady. People who aren't sure how to care for their child can take parenting classes. At the end of the day, the parents are obligated to either provide appropriate care to their child or surrender him/her to the authorities. Failure to do so constitutes child abuse.

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Info for TeensEverybody has the right to happiness. With adults it's their headache to reach it. With minors - it's society's job to provide you with a healthy, safe, supportive environment where you can thrive. Nobody can make you happy but yourself, but adults responsible for you (like your parents, your teachers, your doctors, your local police officers - everyone around you) have the responsibility of providing you with your basic needs, things no one can be happy without. Society cares about you, wants you to reach your full potential and turn out a happy, healthy, smart, responsible, well-adjusted individual. This is why we have laws in place to make sure you get what you need to do that:
You have the right to a safe home, adequate clothing, school supplies, food, medical care. When you don't have a winter coat, your home has no electricity, you haven't seen a dentist in years, there's no food in the fridge, or mom and dad yell at each other every night so you can't focus on homework - this is a bad environment to be in because you can't function like this. Nobody can thrive while cold, hungry, or sick.
You have the right to education and guidance. If you can't read - you won't get very far in life, you know. If you don't know how to do laundry - it's going to be hard once you move out of your parents' house. If you never learned how to balance a checkbook - things will be rough when you get your own bank account and start paying your own bills. You have the right to learn all...
Full-length documentary:
Dissociative Identity Disorders and TraumaColin A. Ross, MD, GRCC Psychology Lecture.
See more documentaries.

Interesting book:
The bad seedby John, Jory
It is a book about an easily lovable little seed who started his life quite happy however after a naturally occurring fall in his life things went dark and he was spit out of darkness but left feeling resentful and bitter and not at all enjoying his life at all.He admits he became "lost on purpose" and didn't care.Yet one day he made a decision...He decided he didn't want to be so unhappy anymore.But you gotta read it yourself to see how he sorted himself out and got on with things for him.Somehow in the illustrations his bruises to his shell heal up by the end... even tho he is a seed... and the shell is not actively on the flower anymore... I appreciate that the illustrator fixed up his shell for him.
See more books.
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Disclaimer:
Anything you read at fortrefuge.com is an opinion only, based on the personal experience of the author, and should not be used in place of counseling, therapy, or medical or legal advice.