by abuse survivors

This is a page of creative writing contributed by Fort Refuge members. Feel free to add yours here.

One Day...
by u_live_u_learn

One day I'll find relief,
Some days I'm at peace,
One day I'll be healed,
Some day I'll speak freely,
And one day I'll feel secure.
Ever expanding, ever adventurous, but never done!

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This Too Shall Pass...
by L. Lee Ramey (januaryhorse)

This too shall pass
Constantly haunted by my dark past
Feeling happy just won't last
When will I truly be free?
Or is this something I will not see
  Anniversary dates that kill me inside
Dates that make me want to go hide
Telling myself I will be all right
While crying myself to sleep at night
Feeling any minute I'll break like glass
But hopefully in time this too shall pass

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La Mariposa
by Freshair

She peeps from the safety of her shell
At the fluorescent colours of life,
It's only been months she's been freed from hell
She is still so full of strife
Some days she manages to crawl outside
To get a better world view
So much has been transformed deep within
So much has been made new
When it doesn't hurt
She unwinds her wings
She looks at their beauty and cries
She was fine before, living without wings
Yet gratitude fills her eyes
That despite her transformation
The god- awful change
Despite the hell on her soul
Every once in a while from her shell she sees
How she fits seamlessly
In the magnificence of the whole.

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Fort Refuge
by Leesh

Click the door and come inside.
From this point on, you don't need to hide.
This is a safe place.
Your lonliness will soon erase.
Here, we know we all have worries
Offering help when emotions flurry.
If you're having a bad day,
there's help here. It'll be okay.
You can go on chat or post on a forum.
Just be kind to others - proper decorum.
This is a place where everyone understands.
The difficulties in life we know firsthand.
You'll soon become friends with those who listen.
No more will your heart be imprisoned.
It's a nice thing that I am able to say
the people on here truly do make my day.
They are so insightful.
Their hope is delightful.
Administrators offer heartwarming advice.
And everyone is listening even if their response is concise.
Fort Refuge is place of hope.
With people who are finding new ways to cope.
We are all warriors Who struggled in battle.
We all have strong minds - Ignoring the prattle.
We all are our own person[s]. We don't have to pretend.
Above all we are survivors - who will fight till the end.

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Healing Under a Canopy
by LovelyChantel

Stroll through the shaded wood I must;
Liniment for a marred soul.
In love with the seclusion it offers;
I yearn for the peace it brings.
Amble about in nature's song
I stroll along to such sounds:
Singing birds, dinky feet on Forest's floor, water-a-trickling.
Healing from a pain so deep
It threatens  to crush my voice.
I rebel, fight back, scream, kick, cry.
I will not allow this.
You cannot have my soul.
My past will not destroy me!
Your 'control' is merely an illusion.
I am no longer a child.
For I see the light.
It's above me,
Filtering through the leaves.
It streaks my face with gold.
I feel its warmth on my skin.
This is the color of confidence.
I give myself the permission.
I can heal.
No one else can have
I smile.
I laugh.
I cry.
I'm filled with joy.
I am at peace.
Up ahead, I see a bridge.
I will cross it.
I will burn it down.

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by Kailima

Awkward silence.
Time passes as distance deepens.
Words spoken,
Sharp as daggers,
Cleave the air.
Secrets betrayed and trust shattered.
Run or stay?
Brick by brick,
Walls grow and envelope
Then they blot out the sky.
Winding pathways leading you astray,
Bones unseen beneath.
Trampled and awaiting discovery.
Voices echo as ghosts peer around corners.
Miles of confusion
Chaos eclipsing common sense.
Every stone a loss of self.
Beloved friends and family lost in battle.
Until only memories remain.
The lost souls haunting the present.
Shadows grow stronger,
As reality fades.
Flights of fancy
Free the enslaved.
Until only the body remains.
Shame, regret, anger
Then finally pain
Complete the descent.
A door opens...
A light glimmers.
The flame is extinguished.
The door closes as the key turns,
Silence echoes as space shrinks.
One by one they say goodbye,
Silent screams as reality strikes.
Darkness unfolding,
Promises of relief.
Caught in the middle,
Torn between light and dark.
Seeking anonymity.
A hand beckons,
Fear paralyzing
Voices echoing a warning too late.
A few steps then falling.
The ground gone,
Fog above and black below.
Frantically searching for a foothold,
Only finding walls of glass.
Faces peering in.
Air pulling in all directions.
Winds cycling until a tornado of chaos.
Dazed and disoriented,
Fact and fiction indistinguishable.
Lines curving until patterns are obscured.
Time spinning faster and faster
Then lost as it is suspended...
A hand appears in the fog.
Defying fear and gravity...
You grasp it tightly.
Not knowing where you go or who is leading.
Blindly following.
Heart racing, breaths coming short
Knowing this your final chance.
A gamble of good vs. evil.
Life and death.
I close my eyes and leap.

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by Anonymous

I am what you are,
moving so very far,
to a piece of land
where a band plays guitar,
guitarist who sail away
to be here today.

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Neither here nor there
by eagle22

My feelings were neither here or there to any that cared to see
To take the time to view a child, of two, or three, of five,
Who hid from view, to survive, the unsaid words
That her feelings were neither here or there.
My body was neither here or there, but lost for me.
A child unsure already of existence,of being alive.
Someone who bled without knowing, who hurt without
someone seeing she was real.
I'm neither here or there, neither I nor Me
A person cut adrift from normal living
By the mind that chose to shatter and split
Rather than bend its knee to those who took her being.

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Really Real
by Claire

A little bud of consciousness
Born out of pain
Developed and grew
Thoughts and desires
Personality and voice
A soul
I am really real
The world does not know
Who really is real
Body may be the same
But I still feel
I am really real
I am Claire
18 and free
I love
I laugh
I breath
I move
I am really real
It is her body
Her arms
Her legs
My soul
I am really real
I took her pain
I took her doubts
I held them all
And protected this body
Why cant I live?
Why cant I love?
I am really real
One day I will scream
One day I will shout
One day they will hear
One day every one will Know
I am really real

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by StormyDaze

There is a wonderful thing in this world,
A circle of friendships that never end.
Where you can be yourself without care,
Talk about anything that you can share.
I have found this circle on the web,
Where there is understanding and truth.
I am not alone in my suffering; the past,
I have company that keeps me feeling sane at last.
So for now I have friends I haven't met,
Not in person, just through their caring words.
With support from each other and a caring ear,
We stand up to fight the nightmares and fear.
Sharing and soul searching together,
We learn to heal and stand tall. 
United we stand, separate we fall,
The circle is here to catch us all.

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When They Took Us Away
by JanuaryHorse

We felt trapped with no way out,
We didn’t know what this was all about,
It happened over and over again,
All we knew was the unstoppable pain,
We waited and waited but no one came,
We thought we were all to blame,
No one knew what went on in our house,
Not the things that were done by the Uncle, the dad and his spouse.
Until the day they took us away,
In their car with the red and blue lights,
They took us away and ended all the cursing and fights.
We were still scared, not knowing that we had found our way out,
But with a new mom to love and care for us,
We would find out how lucky we were when they took us away.

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Shards of Glass
by Anonymous

So poised, you wear a perfect smile.
Great pretender.
At least for now.
You're safe when no emotions show
For who can judge
If no one knows?
But hidden there, beneath your poise
Lies all the hurt.
A deafening noise
That yells and screams.
It's cold as ice.
But, it's your strength;
Your sacrifice.
I've heard you say
No one can see what lies inside,
What's underneath
All the pretense.
The perfect smile.
But I can see.
I've walked that mile.
Your faith and trust like barren lands, or
Shards of glass
Within your hands.
What's lost is lost,
Yet life goes on as
We pretend there's nothing wrong.

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Tears for Rachel
by Lucea

she was such a solemn little girl..
she has learned what it is to smile
she has seen a butterfly and wondered at its beauty
she has never known laughter
joy is something that only comes through the extras
she knows they have it
she can sense it in them
she has never know it
she has known Him
He gave her refuge
she hides in the dark
the only face we can see is Lucy
we have drawn her face here because
she looks so much like Rachel
Lucy is five
Rachel is two
she is the little one
the original
the one who made us
the one we cry for.

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The Game
by WCL

Want to play a game?
Ok, when do we start?
We already have.
What are the rules?
Those are mine, at a whim they will change.
How do you win?
You don't.
What is the purpose?
My amusement.
I don't want to play.
Too late.
Enough I am not playing with you.
You have no choice.
I can leave.
No you can't
Watch me.
You are still here.
I don't like this it's pointless.
There is a point to everything.
Then what is the point to this?
To break you.
I am done!

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Arms And Fists Are Flying
by u_live_u_learn

Arms and fists are flying
Blood splattered on the walls
There's always someone crying
For no reason at all.
I ain't going back there no I ain't going back there at all.
I'm walking alone in the night
Nobody else in sight
The street lights are leading my way to a new life.
I ain't going back there
My suitcase in my hand
My hat up on my head
If I go back there I'd be as well dead
I ain't going back there.
Arms and fists are flying
Blood splattered on the walls
There's always someone crying
For no reason at all
I ain't going back there no I ain't going back there at all.

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The Elusive Dove
by Me1issa

I once did crave your affection and love
I'd search the house all about
Endurance wrought pride, as I slowly died
It was elusive: an invisible dove.
I once did crave you warmth and compassion
I'd search the house all about
Endurance wrought pride, as I slowly died
Was broken, alone, yet stout.
I once did crave your assurance and comfort
I'd search the house all about
Endurance wrought pride, as I slowly died
My heart did fray with doubt.
Yes, I once did crave your affection and love
Though I searched the house all about
Inside I cried, as I slowly died
Never found that elusive old dove.

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by songbird

i am lost, walking through the winding roads.
never ending through shadows.
walking alone because they told me to,
walking alone, they cast me off.
if there is a light,
let it shine soon,
i cant see ahead or behind.
no hand to reach to,
no heart to trust.
i hide so much in my heart, they taught me to.
they took away my joy in my life.
no star to wish upon,
no light to see the truth.
they turn off the lights,
and see what they wish.
and death wishes are carved into my soul, my heart, my body.
chains bound to me,
a hell that they have made.
and i see that my salvation never came.

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Mount up with Eagles wings...
by Greytabby

Mount up with eagles wings my friend..
To the sky let you they send..
Mount up with eagles wing my friend..
High above..up in the skies...
From way up there the problems show..
Their true strength..and their true size..
Mount up with wings of eagles my friend..
To comfort fly with speed...
Remember you are not alone..
Find strength in what God decrees.
For He will keep fast hold of you..
And hear your painful pleas..
Mount up with wings like eagles my friend..
And never forget this truth..
That we who love you fly by your side
For loves strength lives in eternal youth..
Mount up with wings of eagles my friend..
To the sky let you they send..
Find peace in the love of God..
And in the hearts of your friends..
Soar your way to Gods true grace...
And never lose flight again...

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Things That Were Too Hard For Me
by LacedWings

Once upon a time, I was a little girl
I was left alone to deal with things,
Things that were too hard for me.
You tore me down, the little girl I was
I know I should have called you dad,
But I never felt that affection.
I think of parents as protectors,
But the little girl was tore down,
Forced to make her own protector.
She shut down in order to survive,
She had no more tears to spend,
She knew it wouldn't help.
I escaped and ran away,
To a world where I was safe,
Where things weren't too hard for me.

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Unrealistic Expectations
by Deannagaige

So many contradictions in this world
like 2 separate sides of the spectrum;
we expect everything to be a certain way
that is our distorted perception.
We gather so much information all our lives
and take from it what we want;
then add our own little pieces to it
whether it is true or not.
It amazes me how the worlds perception
is almost all black and white;
like if your a good person you have no worries
but they forget good people die.
Just like mean people do have friends
and trustworthy people can lie;
and just cause somebody seems real tough
doesn't mean they don't cry.
A rainbow seems to stretch forever
but it does have an end;
and just because we make mistakes
don't mean we will do it again.
When i was a young girl
i was left all alone;
so i have a problem with unrealistic expectations
now that i am grown.
I feel i have always needed someone
to help me through life;
sometimes i feel i cant do it alone
sometimes i feel i wont survive.
So i began to try to meet new people
tried to make some friends;
i want one so bad it hurts me
because for me there's only one way to keep them.
I buy their food and things when we are out
and i am there when they need me;
but that's where i get taken advantage of
because i allow them to run over me.
Maybe i will make a true friend one day
or maybe i never will;
maybe i will realize my self worth more
and give myself time to heal.

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Guardian of Secrets
by Jess22

She heard the footsteps of a broken thought dissipating upon her acknowledgement, desperate to find the source of such a haunting melody inside of her and fueled by an addiction to curiosity; she chased the echoes that which reverberated down an unfamiliar hallway. These surroundings that her weightless feet seemingly propelled her through only tempted her thirst for a long searched truth more with each stride but she must focus on her task at hand. However; with each lunge, this hallway seemed to grow longer with shape shifting walls, doors and now voices to accompany the shattering thought that she had originally pursued. With not a second passing between this realization, the scenery changed into entirely new place; One that was more eerie simply based on the fact that now she had been precariously placed at the bottom of an ascending staircase. Glancing around slightly dazed, disoriented and but with a slight twinge of exhilaration; She gathered that this must be the end, that which she had been so desperately clawing a path towards. Yet as she trembled in recovery before it, a fleeing sensation crept throughout her. “Run, run fast! Do not satiate this hunger inside you!” was projected so forcefully in her mind that she had begun to quake with doubt causing her to begin second guessing this desire, this need.

Timidly, she placed a foot onto the beginning step as if it were a first kiss; wanting to proceed but hesitant of it being a mistake she supposed it is as they, curiosity kills the cat. Within in the span of blink, as if by teleportation, the door stood before her leaving even more muddling confusion. Just the mere image of it itself amplified the questioning slowly creeping inside but so far she had come that to turn away now seemed so self-defeating. Standing at least ten foot tall while easily spanning five across, the door was etched, carved, designed in a daunting imagery that would surely make one high tail themselves in any opposing direction so long as it was away from the morbidity radiating from this giant guardian of secrets. Reaching for the handle, determined to overcome this no matter what she felt pulsing in heart, she was again seemingly transported somewhere else. Upon the catchment of her breath, for this was getting exhausting, her eyes began focusing on the sites encompassing every space, every void that left no corner unfilled.

This had been what she yearned, pined and sought after for as long as her memory had served; however, now she had to fight back the urge to regurgitate every crystallized emotion that had been dammed up for so long. This truth was so real, vividly playing through every scene, every moment, every second of the life forgotten long ago only to loop itself at each end. It was almost as if these images were beings of their own, standing independently of themselves in imitation of physical objects representing every horror. Off to the side tucked in a corner silently observing stood an ominous man with a crooked smirk. Upon the notice of this figure, he was at her side with no in between of his beginning and her destination. Slipping slightly backwards out of surprise, she stared wide-eyed at this gentlemen who is now easily six foot five. His grimace intensified as he uttered only one question, the ultimate decision upon her actions. “Was this worth it?” Once those words had escaped his lips, the room began to vibrate, quake and fill with a blinding light that radiated and permeated everything contained inside all while coinciding with the girl who had now fallen to her knees with hands clasped over her ears in muffled screaming. This figure, though caught off guard with such intensity at the response, knew this was his answer as well as hers.

It had been worthwhile waiting to enter into the guardian of secrets and though painfully excruciating, all of their will powers have now been forged into diamonds with the exception that now it was a single, unified diamond that which the likes of nothing could shatter again.

Yes, it had all been worth the journey, the journey into being.

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I never knew a man come to greatness or eminence who lay abed late in the morning.
~ Jonathan Swift