ABOUT US

We are a non-profit organization, a small group of people running this site so that fellow survivors can have a safe place to come together and discuss their struggles and victories in healing from various types of abuse.

If you ever googled "survivors of abuse support groups", you've noticed plenty of sites that offer essentially the same thing, including some that are a lot bigger than us. So why do we bother running yet another support site, investing our money, time, effort, and nerves into this project? Answer is simple - we're different. We have our own niche that nobody else has filled yet.

First of all, we don't do drama. We don't create it ourselves, and we don't tolerate it in our members. Abuse survivors communities can be exceptionally prone to it - members have poor boundaries by default (simply because their boundaries were violated in the past too many times), are discussing very sensitive topics (what can be more sensitive than, say, child sexual abuse?) - naturally things have a tendency to get out of hand. We are very understanding of all survivors and their social/communicational skills - but we set firm limits on what is and is not OK within our community. Fort is a safe place, because we are serious about keeping it safe. Fort staff in particular has no time for drama either. We have 1500+ members and five moderators - we're in it to keep a safe supportive community, not bother with personal drama. We specifically pick out moderators who are drama-free, have good boundaries, are friendly, and have no odd agendas like power trips etc.

Second, we don't do unconditional support. There's a fine line between being supportive and enabling dysfunctional patterns. Unfortunately, all too many survivor communities cross that line. We pay extra attention not to. We do not judge, and don't tell anyone what to do - but we encourage our members to feel free to not respond with hugs and validation to statements they disagree with. We want our members to be honest with each other. If you post "I have urges to molest my 5yo son" - you won't hear "awww, it's not your fault, you were programmed to feel this way". Nope. You'll hear "we understand where these feelings might be coming from, considering your past abuse, but it is not ok to hurt a child, please seek help for these urges before your son is harmed." We feel survivors owe this much honesty to each other.

Third, we don't do overly "safe" environment. In many communities you can get banned for using a colored font, an avatar with a sad face, or for posting a poem you wrote about your experience. We don't do that. All of our members are adults, and we don't over-protect them. You can speak freely at Fort - if someone gets triggered, they'll use self-care. There are limits of course, nobody will do graphic descriptions bordering on pornography just for the heck of disturbing other members - but a healthy supportive conversations are allowed, and might involve triggery topics - this is what Fort is for. We're here to discuss abuse, and it isn't always pretty.

Fourth, we welcome every survivor. We don't discriminate, don't pick and chose. You can have DID, bipolar, or kleptomania. You can be male, female, single, divorced, celibate, or an ex-prostitute. You can be anywhere between 16 and 120. You can be a CEO of General Motors or a disabled housewife. You can be from Washington DC or from a remote village in Zhejiang, China. You could have been through SRA, neglect, or child abuse. We are all survivors here, that's all that matters. Any survivor capable of following our guidelines is welcome indefinitely, and receives as much support as the founding fathers of Fort Refuge. There are no cliques, no bullying, no ostracism - for any reason. Abuse happens to people from all walks of life - we like you no matter who you are.

Fifth, we are serious about keeping Fort a peer to peer support community. Everyone here at Fort, from site owners to the latest newbee, is a fellow survivor. Regardless of education, qualifications, or employment. There are no counselors here. Moderator is a survivor just like you, who happens to volunteer their time doing technical things behind the scenes so that this website would run smoothly. We do not provide counseling, do not preach, do not advise anyone. We don't know about abuse any more than you do. We offer you a safe place to socialize with other survivors, we keep this site safe and interesting - but that is all we do. If you need professional help - we encourage you to seek it in 3D. This is one of our boundaries - everyone is equal at Fort.

What is Fort Refuge?

It's basically a community of abuse survivors. People who were (or still are) abused come together here, to discuss anything that has to do with their past, present, or future - as it relates to their survival from abuse. We offer forums (aka message boards): you post a message, other members see it and respond, you see their responses and respond back, etc - these messages are visible to members indefinitely, so you can look back and see what people were discussing last year, if anyone ever posted on the topic you're interested in, what sort of responses they received, etc. It's a priceless resource that's continuously growing and expanding. We also offer seven chatrooms: you log in, see if there are other people in, and chat with them in real time about anything you wish. These conversations are not recorded (though admins can look up transcripts if there's a problem), but the benefit is that communication is a lot quicker - you don't have to wait for a response to your forum post, the person you're talking to responds as soon as you enter your question. And then we offer a library - carefully selected articles regarding all types of abuse that our members might find interesting. Library is visible to anyone including guests - this is our contribution to the world wide community of survivors.

So who are you, personally?

You can contact us at admin@fortrefuge.com. If you're curious about site owners, here we are:

Lala:	Kevin:	Manya
Being the founder of Fort Refuge, Lala focuses on every aspect of it, from page maintenance to user infractions, giving most attention to things that require her executive decision. However, with 9K+ posts, Lala is also one of the most prominent figures on forums, and a frequent chatter. Lala has five kids and a dog, lives in Wyoming, and loves to vegetable garden in her spare time.	The least noticed, yet the most important figure for keeping the Fort online, is Kevin. Invisible to most members, he silently does his job paying bills, running maintenance and security, working to assure the site is as safe as possible and running smoothly on the technical side. He is occasionally seen dropping a line or two on forums, or stopping by in chat. Kevin works full time as a cattle rancher in Wyoming, enjoying nature and outdoor activities.	The newest site owner; Manya focuses primarily on management, site design, responding to site email and assuring the quality of visits to the Fort via interpersonal communications amongst members and staff. Being a long-standing admin, she also hosts youth chat, and is a leader of various groups on forums. Manya lives in NYC, works for a small business selling toys and enjoys drawing cartoons.

Fort Refuge would not be possible without our crew of admins, mods, and staff - see the full list of us here. Most importantly - Fort Refuge would not be possible without YOU - our fellow survivor, and we warmly thank you for being here with us!

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