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I can’t bring myself to do anything

U

Unregistered

Guest
#1
My husband and I have been together for 12 years. He has undiagnosed and untreated depression. Has for years. We moved to a rural area approx 3 years ago and the isolation is super tough on him.

He gets so angry and is triggered so easily. There has never been any physical abuse but emotionally and mentally I’m about to break. This morning he was throwing things around and yelling. I had errands to run and he said he wouldn’t be there when I got back. He’s always telling me he wants to die.

We don’t have a family doctor and mental health supports aren’t plentiful where we live. He refuses treatment anyways.

I feel sick to my stomach sometimes completely numb others. When he starts yelling and nagging at me I feel so worthless. I’ll sleep for hours and do nothing. This leads to him telling me I do nothing. When I truly think about it though I compare how I’m feeling to what he must be feeling and put my own emotions aside. Honestly just enabling hurtful actions. I’m feeling pretty lost right now.
 

Jane

Lark Ascending
Got Keys
Joined
Jun 19, 2013
Messages
26,233
#2
Sounds tough. Can relate to the feelings of inertia and being to ground down to take action to get away from what you describe. Imo once I reached this point I needed one on one professional support. In my case the way forward was to contact my local dv support group (we have some contact details under help in our header if this seems like an option for you). Found the staff there real helpful...no pressure (rather fed-back that the decision on what I wanted next must be my own...my life and all). Just telling my story to someone else enabled me to hear it with fresh ears...to see that the life I was living was not ok. Eventually with the support of this group I did decide to leave...took my time though, sorted out how to do it in a way that caused me the least disruption, sorted out what resources were available to help people in my situation, contacted a lawyer to make sure my property and other rights were protected as much as possible.

Would like to be able to tell you that leaving (when I came to that point) was easy. It wasn't, involved a lot of change and adjustment, however bit down the track I found that like many before me I had what it took to leave and rebuild a safe and ok life for myself. Now I look back (hindsight is a great teacher) and wonder how I put up with what I did for so long...how I gave a partner who did not have my best interests at heart control over my life.

Hope what I have shared helps. :rs:rs
 

Couragetofly

Known To All
Joined
Sep 3, 2019
Messages
608
#3
I was calling DV hotlines during marriage and speaking to friends. I then sort help of counsellors after leaving as well as social workers. He checked my phone bill but did not click onto this calling hotline. Neighbours tried to speak to me as well at bad times. I have left for a number of years now and have not seen him in a while.
 
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