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Thread: How Can I Cope?

  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    How Can I Cope?

    Hello. I've faced many years between physical/mental/sexual abuse. I've tried talking to a therapist, and sometimes I feel better and other times.. I feel worse. I feel like my attitude is what holds me back from moving forward. To be perfectly honest, I really don't know how to move forward anymore. I lost someone who was very dear to me within the last year and I know that grief has been incredibly difficult to cope with. Sometimes I feel like I'm bi-polar.. I try to always be happy and positive, but when I have bad days, my emotions are a roller coaster. I would never do anything to harm myself or someone else. I just feel the need to be alone for days at a time and snap on those who try to help me. I feel like I've never been able to fully recover from the mental abuse because I never realized it was happening until my parents saw what it was doing to me. A part of me feels like I can't escape it. It's happened so many times that I feel like I am doing this to myself or that I am doing something wrong. I know being 23, my generation mistakes kindness for flirting a lot. I can't help who I am.. so that's why I feel like it's my fault. Another reason why, is because my most recent experiences was with my mother's ex-boyfriend... I never told my mom about it because him and my sister have a father/daughter relationship and I don't want to ruin that. Also, if it weren't for him, we would be homeless right now due to the fact that there are no rental homes in the city I live in, and my mother's court order with my sister and her biological father restricts her from just leaving the county we live in.
    Dating has been extremely hard, and just the other week I went through almost like a flashback to a moment when I was with the man I have been seeing currently. He's helping me the best that he can through this, but has also advised I see a therapist. I just don't want to talk to someone who deals with this regularly. I don't know what my options are.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Kindness & hugs.
    Hi welcome to Fort...

    "How can I cope"? Reckon that is a question many of us here grapple with. if there is an easy answer out there I am yet to find it. So can relate.

    Helps me to try not to think too far ahead when it comes to healing...not to set too aspirational goals. For me small ones work best...when things are real bad just getting through the day, eating meals, attending to my hygiene needs doing the absolute basics is an achievement. Helps me to acknowledge even though it was not easy I dug deep and did as much as I could. I tend to have periods where I feel stuck and overwhelmed but also periods where I feel more on top of things - have more energy so is a bit of an up and down mood situation for me. One thing that helps to stabilize my mood is to get outside and walk...find it calming and seems to help keep my mood from sinking - me drifting into hopelessness.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  3. #3
    Unregistered Guest
    Hi, thank you. I understand. Some days I want to feel like Iíve accomplished more than the basics. How do I continue to step forward ? Is there ever an answer ? Sometimes I just feel the basics arenít enough. Waking up is probably the hardest thing to do, but I eat , exercise, go to college.. Iím studying to become a doctor... but I just feel so.. stuck.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    hugs and kisses,but mind the feathers please.
    I echo Jane's thoughts on this. I too can go through prolonged periods of not knowing how to cope,of needing to be alone and of an intense grief that I can't quite put my finger on or fully identify with.
    During the worst of these moments I withdraw as much as possible from the world and from people..but then again I'm lucky in being able to do both of these things due to not working..can appreciate how hard it must be when in work or education.
    I try to do the basic things of life like eating whatever is easiest and attending to personal hygiene stuff...and also whatever makes me happiest at that point in my life...for me its gardening even if its only wandering around dead headed stuff..or listening to music ..or reading a page or two from a book.
    I also find hobbies a great help. I do paper cutting which uses a scalpel ..so have to concentrate doing this..sometimes all that concentration allows me to "escape" my own thoughts.
    Hope this is of help
    " A person's a person no matter how small" Horton the Elephant.
    "Why,sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast" Lewis Carroll,Alice In Wonderland.

  5. The following user says thank you to eagle22 for this useful post:

    Jane (09-05-2018)

  6. #5
    Unregistered Guest
    Hello, thank you. It does help a bit. Iím thankful for the responses I have gotten so far

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    ďI never told my mom about it because him and my sister have a father/daughter relationship and I don't want to ruin that.Ē

    I want you to know that you did not ruin anything. Your stepfather did. Donít think any of this is your fault.

    I have a very difficult time dealing with it. For me, it was my husband that was abusive. I moved out and got divorced. He still manages to abuse me through our child though. I tell myself if I let him get to me, than he wins. I do not want to give him that satisfaction.

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