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Thread: Confused

  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    Confused

    A few days ago it was my 28th wedding anniversary. The first eight years he beat me up and tried to kill me. I finally had him arrested at the time. His probation officer told me to get the kids and leave town before my husband killed me. I left for a year after that. When I first moved the place that I stored our stuff in burnt up with all mine and my kids stuff in it. A year after I felt he had enough counseling so I would go back. No to tell the truth I went back because I felt so low about myself I felt if it worked good. If I ended up dead that would work too. The physical stuff stopped but verbal stuff like him saying he would still be beating me except he didnít want to go back to jail and that I was a fat ugly b......Eventually the cussing part of that stopped. Slow progress but I had hope for a brighter future. We finally moved to a different state to buy a house from his family. He would make almost all decisions with his family then talk to me. If I didnít agree with thing they would all get angry with me and tell me off. His father got mad because I didnít want him correcting my children and asked them to call before they came by to make sure I was decent. He is big on control too but that is another story. If they were upset with me then My husband would stick up for them instead of me. Including one time when they made a fake land contract and was charging us a couple hundred dollars a month too much. We slowly got through that. Once again I finally thought we were getting better. Our kids are married and in the service. One is a veteran and in college. My husband and I were finally talking civil. Then last November I found out for the last seven years he has been sneaking around with prostitutes and strippers. Paying for one and dating the other....and those two are the ones I found out about on my own. He said there were so many lap dances through those years he lost track of the number. He would not offer up the truth until I found it out from the women or he thought I was about too. Too begin with I told him I was going to leave for good but once I calmed down I offered counseling. He said divorce is easier than counseling....so we are getting a divorce. I find myself the angry one now yelling a lot at the situation of him throwing me away. He wants to keep the land, house and most things in the house. One night when I almost left he trapped me in a room for a little bit shoving me a few times. I have an upstairs room that sometimes he will stand in front of the door when I ask him not to come in. He will wait to close the door and leave until he is ready. I left out that about 5 years ago I was injured as a cna and I donít have a doctor release to work and am not on any assistance so I am dependent on him. I feel all alone right now even though I have lots of family and friends who care about me. Any advice would be helpful

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    Kindness & hugs.
    Hi confused...so sorry you find yourself in this situation. Sounds like you have turned yourself inside out to make your relationship work...was the same for me...I left and went back before finally seeing that to have any sort of settled future I needed to leave...accept that doing that was gonna be hard...but that others had done it before me and survived. Thing that helped me was to contact my local DV shelter (was not that I needed accommodation - rather some affordable support)...must say I found their input very helpful...they did not tell me what to do, or make decisions for me. Rather they discussed the support that was out their for people in my situation, benefits and such. They also linked me into some legal help - important cuz I needed to protect my property and other rights (found out that my ex could just not say this is mine - house and stuff and take it. That enforceable rules applied to the division of our joint relationship property.

    Leaving was not easy...initial period especially (big changes to adapt to) however with time and the support of the personnel at the DV shelter things did get easier. As my confidence grew I could see I had made the right choice for myself...to not live with a man who dealt with his problems by scape-goating and lashing out at me...allowed his family to do the same.

    I hope what I have shared helps you as you plan for and follow through on your not ok relationship.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

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