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Thread: Can someone please give me advice

  1. #1
    Annoymous Guest

    Can someone please give me advice

    Hi, Iím not to sure If this is abuse or not by my boyfriend. Weíve been together 10 years, but for the last 4/5 years heís been quite nasty/emotionally verbally abusive and sometimes not enough to leave any marks but has hit me. But last week heís been pressuring me a lot with sex, I suffer from very severe depression and anxiety, also was sexually abused as a child, Iím 26 and Just getting therapy for it now it happened when I was 6 to 10. So last week heís been pressuring me alot, but quite nasty with it to, calling me boring all the time, Iím clueless useless thick, donít know how to please a boyfriend. Has said heíll go elsewhere to and admitted tonight heís watching porn, Iím so hurt by this, as I feel Iím being punished for just simply not being able to cope with sex or him right now. I donít know what to do I feel I have no where to turn, my family live miles away and my family Iím not on the best terms with. Iíve been crying for a week straight because of him heís not once said sorry, he doesnít feel heís being nasty. But tonight it hurt a lot and now Iím sat by myself alone and very depressed. Please can someone help me, and I hope I donít offend anyone cause I know thereís woman and men that get a lot worse than me.
    Thankyou

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    22,419
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    Hear your distress...in my book it is kinda irrelevant (unless I am pursuing legal action against some one) whether or not their behaviour meets the legal thresh-hold to be labelled abuse...much more important to me is how the behaviour makes me feel - whether I can live with it - find it acceptable. Took me a while to realise I deserved better than being demeaned, insulted and disrespected...looking back I doubt my partner would have taken any actionable actions...idk - physically assaulted me (he inflicted the odd shoved here and there but nothing more than that)...however emotional and psychological stuff, he subjected me to that.

    Know people who decide to stay and live with partners who do not treat them in an ok way (is their and no one else's choice). I did that for a good number of years. Eventually I faced the fact that I was not happy - my relationship was not serving me or my partner...that I seemed to have two choices (neither of them easy) - to stay and by doing so accept my situation...or decide that I deserved better - walk away seek a better life for myself. I chose the latter.

    I hope what I have shared helps you as you look at your options...chose your next step forward. Idk if you have checked out our library - have resources there you may find helpful...also contact details of agencies (click on the help tab in our header) who offer support to people experiencing ongoing relationship issues.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  3. The following 4 users say thank you to Jane for this useful post:

    kittenlover (08-06-2018),LivingFree (08-12-2018),Momma_Grizz (08-13-2018),weepingwillow (08-07-2018)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Location
    U.S.
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    9

    Proud of You!

    First, let me say that I am so proud of you for getting the support and help you need for the things that happened when you were very young. It is so important to be healthy for you! Jane said it so well, abuse and it's definition according to the letter of the law is irrelevant. It's about what you are willing to accept for yourself.

    Speaking from personal experience, things for me started slow and escalated over the years and I accepted it. No one would have been able to convince me otherwise. But coming here means that you have already had the thought that what your boyfriend is doing is wrong. Now you need to decide how to move forward with that thought in mind. It's not easy, regardless what you decide. You will be in my thoughts. I would love to hear from you again!
    "My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style." - Maya Angelou

  5. The following 2 users say thank you to LivingFree for this useful post:

    Jane (08-14-2018),Momma_Grizz (08-13-2018)

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