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Thread: Recovery

  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    Recovery

    I was in a very physically and emotionally abusive relationship for 3 years . About 2 months ago I finally made the leap and left him. I have told almost no one. Although I've been taking steps to talk to a few people about it. I don't want to be a pity case. And I'm still screwed up and love my abuser and don't want to smudge his name. I have had a hard time locating a good therapist near me. I think I need the help of a professional to recover. I feel like I'm functioning worse now that he's gone. I've developed depression. No suicidal thoughts. But trouble sleeping . No interest in things I used to enjoy. Etc. I think it would really help me to actually talk through the experiences I went through. Some times i have to tell myself and remind myself that it all actually happened and it wasnt a bad dream. And going into that much detail with a friend seems like too much to ask them. The one time I tried the look of pity in their eyes was just too much to take. I'm a survivor. I had to be my own hero every day. And now asking for help to pick up the pieces seems like too much. I'm just unsure of everything at this point.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    22,425
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    Hi welcome

    Reading your post brings back memories of the emotional turmoil I felt when I initially left my not ok relationship - like you I really missed my partner. can understand why - like all of us he was not all bad. Thing that I had difficulty keeping in my mind was that his good points did not cancel out his out of control and nasty stuff...the stuff he refused to acknowledge - the stuff he refused to take responsibility for. Fortunately I resisted the urge to go back to him (it would never had worked) but so easily could have. I also was reluctant to reach out for help - lots of reasons for this. Did not want people to feel pity for me...did not want to accept I was not coping. Yep also found that some of my friends just did not get it. Think they truly believed it was as simple as leaving - leaving, heaving a sigh of relief and getting on with my life - it wasn't...don't thing it is like this for many of us who separate. Working with a therapist helped. Helped me to see that I was dealing with grief...understandably so. So many things to grieve, my dream of a happy ever after with a man who I had and still to a degree loved, the acceptance that all the effort and stress I had put into my relationship had come to nothing...having to start over.

    Can reassure you that with work and time things did get better...but was a gradual few steps forward a step back kinda process. Now? I look back and wonder how I could have stayed as long as I did, how at the time I could not see that I had what it took to make the break and survive, rebuild my life.

    For you as you negotiate your way through this challenging phase of your recovery.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  3. The following user says thank you to Jane for this useful post:

    Determined (08-01-2018)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    9
    Congrats on leaving. That was the hardest and most difficult thing for me to do. You describe the exact same emotions I went through after leaving as well. All very normal for what you have gone through. It will get better.

    See if you can reach out to a Domestic Violence agency near you. The one by me offers free counseling with counselors specifically trained in domestic violence. If they donít offer it, they would probably be able to refer you to someone.

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