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Thread: Just need to word vomit without judgement

  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    Just need to word vomit without judgement

    He and I have been together about a year. A few months ago he pushed me down then two weeks ago he beat the crap out of me. I know he is not a good person but there is good in him. I cannot save him or change him. He is a product of his environment like everyone else. I left for a week. But everybody kept taking me where I didnt want to be. Nobody asked what I wanted.
    I want to be with him. I want to take a chance that he will seek help. I want to be able to love him without judgement. Now that I have returned to him if he ever hits me again I have no place to go. I am stuck here it things don't change.
    Im so confused. And hurt. Not so much by him but by those who cannot respect that I am willing to forgive and try to work with him to change our relationship.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    22,425
    Affection
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    Agree it's your life...unless you have been judged by a professional to be mentally incompetent (which doesn't seem to be the case) you have the right to make your own decisions...take responsibility for them...live with the consequences.

    Would not be my choice to stay with a man who "beat the crap out of me" but we're talking about you not me here. Can understand your friends and family 'having their say' on this matter...finding it difficult (or not wanting) to forgive someone who attacked you. Hear he has some good aspects (imo most of us do) in my book this does not cancel out the fact that he physically assaulted you.

    Can hear that you feel this time things will be different. Hope you are right. My ex was not a 'hitter'...history shows yours is. Given the reality that past behavior can be a reliable indicator of future behavior - if I was in your shoes (staying with a guy who has a history like the man you are with) I would above everything else be thinking of my safety. Wondering what guarantee (beyond his word) do you have that he will not be violent towards you again? Has he acknowledged his anger problem? Is he seeking professional help...showing a commitment to doing the hard personal work that is needed to learn healthy ways to express himself and his needs..deal with his angst?

    Hopefully once the dust settles you will find that (as most are) your family will be there for you if your relationship once again turns to custard and you need to reach out to them.

    For you...hope things work out for you
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  3. The following 2 users say thank you to Jane for this useful post:

    eagle22 (07-11-2018),Momma_Grizz (07-12-2018)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Location
    U.S.
    Posts
    9

    No judgement

    Believe me, I am the last person who would judge you. All I can say is that I was in your situation... for 18 years and two kids during that time. I continued to give chances and the situation continued to intensify. The difference in our situations is that I never told anyone what was going on. I didn't have a best friend because he isolated me and my family lived hours away from me. Because I knew I wasn't leaving I decided not to worry my family. I wish I had done something sooner, much sooner, than I did. I left him five years ago and that's when the abuse transferred to my children during their visits. Like Jane said, historical behavior is the best indicator of future behavior. No one is going to change your mind on this, I'm speaking from experience that the decision of what you will do has to be yours.
    "My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style." - Maya Angelou

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