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Thread: Looking for advice

  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    Looking for advice

    I am trying to find advice on how to leave an abusive relationship. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and he has been abusive pretty much the entire time. He uses all types of abuse to varying degrees on a daily basis. We have 2 children (ages 10 and 6) and I am currently 31 weeks pregnant. I have tried leaving in the past unsucessfully and I desperately want to leave now but I am so scared. Scared of what he will do and scared that I canít make it on my own with 3 kids. We live in Canada now but all my family is in the U.S. (where Iím from) so I basically have no one here. I feel trapped. I have no money (he wonít let me work and he controls all money) and no where here to go. I donít want my kids living in this anymore. They deserve so much better. Although he rarely gets physical with them, he is verbally abusive towards them and they witness his abuse towards me. I am so lost and need advise as to how I can get out.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Kindness & hugs.
    Hear you agree that leaving is never easy...especially if you do not have family to assist and support you.

    Took me several go's before I finally made the break. Thing I found helped was to plan and prepare. I contacted my local DV Centre/Shelter (not cuz I wanted to move in, but rather because I needed input from people with expertise in the situation I was in). They were great, helped me to explore my options, what resources I could call on (benefits and such) - did not pressure me just provided me with info and support. They also helped me to get legal advice on protecting my property and rights as a parent, and counseling. When I decided that I wanted to leave they helped me to develop a plan to do this safely...offered me a place in one of their shelters if I wanted it,

    Long story short I did leave...was not easy in the beginning but gradually I found I had what it took to survive on my own...build an abuse-free life for my kids.

    Now I look back and think "why did I put up with what I did for so long?" (fear of the unknown I think and feeling trapped). In the same situation (and pray it will never happen) I think I would rather be penniless and live under a bridge than endure the hurtful and damaging impact of being an out of control/violent man's target...also realise that living with an abuser/witnessing abuse I owed my son a better life than that.

    I hope what I have shared helps...that you find a way to move forward.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

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