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Thread: Male survivors?

  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    Male survivors?

    Hello,

    I am looking for a forum for male survivors to share in positive & supportive conversations. Does Fort Refuge offer this? I am a survivor of different types of abuse & would like to engage in conversations in which I donít feel like an alien, with other people who are trying to live the best life that they can, & who are trying to make peace with a past they cannot change. Or at least accept that things have occurred which, unfortunately, canít be changed or, even better, erased. Okay, the first time that I tried to submit this message, the site said my post had to be at least 400 words in length or I wouldnít be able to post it. I think Iíve written 400 words now, so I hope to hear back from someone soon, so I can find a place to speak with my peers. Thank you.

  2. #2
    Tasha1701D's Avatar
    Tasha1701D is offline Fort Security Chief & Stargazer
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    Welcome, although sorry to hear what brought you here. Fort has a diverse membership, including male survivors of abuse. When I first stumbled across Fort, I read pages like the About page, the guidelines page, and a few other things to help me decide if I wanted to join. I know for me that the discussions I have with people who, like me, have survived the trauma of abuse, has helped me as I work to heal from what I went through. Hope you find the support you're looking for, both online and in 3D. Look forward to seeing you around.
    ~Tasha

    May you have peace, live long, and prosper.

    "On the starship Enterprise, no one is alone." ~Capt. Jean-Luc Picard in The Bonding, ST:TNG Season 3
    "Seize the time, Meribor-live now! Make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again." ~Capt. Jean-Luc Picard as Kamin in The Inner Light, ST:TNG Season 5

  3. The following 4 users say thank you to Tasha1701D for this useful post:

    Jane (04-19-2018),Sunfl0wer (04-19-2018),theunwanted (04-21-2018),weepingwillow (04-21-2018)

  4. #3
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    Hi glad you persevered and hit the 400 character requirement. Thought I would take the time to explain why we have this in place. It only applies to the first post in a new thread/convo...didn't happen often but occasionally someone would introduce a new thread with not enough detail for other members get the gist of what they were talking about idk something like "no one will help me and I'm fed up". Non thread starter posts (responses to existing convos) we have no word limit on these - can respond with a few words or or as many as you wish.

    But back to you glad you have dropped in -are having a bit of an explore. Dunno if you have visited our library (link in the header) have some interesting artlicles there some deal specifically with the subject of abuse against males - debunk some of the myths eg that males are the only abusers, females their only targets.

    For you
    Last edited by Jane; 04-21-2018 at 06:21 PM. Reason: Yypos :)
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  5. The following 2 users say thank you to Jane for this useful post:

    theunwanted (04-21-2018),weepingwillow (04-21-2018)

  6. #4
    Unregistered Guest

    Thanks

    Tasha & Jane,

    Thank you for the welcome & for the information. I really appreciate it! Although I had read through the ďAboutĒ tab, I wasnít sure if many males were among your community. And thank you for directing me to the ďLibraryĒ section as well. I am particularly interested in exploring the section regarding physical fitness! That has been the best therapy I have ever explored & it has profoundly changed my life for the better! So, yeah, after looking for an online resource after having left my home state & now that I am not visiting therapists of any type at the moment, I think I am interested in registering here.

    The comment on my initial attempt to post my question but failing because it was too short, I hope wasnít offensive in any way. Apologies if so. I think I was probably not paying enough attention to any instructions or guidelines (?). It makes sense to me by those examples as to why a post shouldnít be so short, so thank you for explaining & I apologize for not being more aware.

    One final thing before I consider a pseudonym for registering, that is I love the quotes at the closing of both replies! Picard is awesome! So, ďPeace, & long life.Ē The other quote...what I wouldnít have given to have had someone close to me who could have said those words, so long ago. Either way, I will remember them.

    Okay, I apologize if there is a word limit!! There are times when I donít talk so much, believe it or not, & some times like now when I just canít seem to stop. Okay, thanks again:-)

  7. #5
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    Hi unregistered - good you are taking your time to decide whether or not to join us.

    No pressure but thought I would share a little more information. As you may have worked out we are a diverse community - we like it way cuz despite some of the misinformation out their abuse is not limited to one group with within society, women, men, LGBT all can be and are targets of this not ok attention...just as perpetrators come in all genders. We currently have more females registered as members (fact is it is often harder for a variety of reasons for men to reach out for support - greater likelihood they will not be believed, they feel as men (stronger sex!!!) they should be able to cope protect themselves and more- we do not in any way support these unhelpful myths and feel men have as much need and right to seek support (including being welcomed to join peer to peer support groups like Fort).

    You mention you are not necessarily a talker...some of our other members are not either - Basically we provide a platform for survivors to use to get support as they work on their individual healing journeys. Some of our members find it helps them to visit pretty regularly. Others only come for a time or two or slip in when they feel the need. Some members find it helpful to come here to access our articles and other resources - others like to start and join in conversations on issues that they are facing as they work on their healing. Bottom line is - it is fine to be yourself use Fort in a way that works for you...only boundary is that you read and operate within out guidelines (link in the header).

    Reading your comment about exercise being a sanity saver for you I smiled and thought 'yes indeed' idk about you, but I find it hard to sweat stuff when I am pounding the pavement - think there is research supporting the link between exercise and mental health if there isn't reckon there should be.

    Hope my extra 2 cents worth is helpful
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  8. The following 2 users say thank you to Jane for this useful post:

    theunwanted (04-21-2018),weepingwillow (04-21-2018)

  9. #6
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    Just wanted to pop in and say that what you said about the word limit was not offensive in any way, you weren't rude or anything, just stating a fact. Just thought you would like to know why there is a limit instead of it being a mystery.

    Whatever you decide, I hope that your recovery is as smooth as they can be. The way you stated that you were looking for a place to talk with people that are trying to live better lives, and trying to come to peace with the past, was very well put. We try to make Fort that kind of place, hope that we succeed once in a while.
    Currently dusting off my jumpsuit. Cover me!
    East is up.
    You can learn to levitate with just a little help.
    You're facin' down a dark hall/I'll grab my light and go with you.||-//

  10. The following user says thank you to weepingwillow for this useful post:

    Jane (04-21-2018)

  11. #7
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    Hello, it's good to see you are here and looking into the site. I see that Tasha1701D, Jane and weepingwillow have, as always, posted replies full of very useful information insights and of course the warm and open welcome that is such a part of Fort Refuge. So for my part I will tel you our own feelings about Fort. I too am a male survivor and yes there are many of us here on fort. There are forums and threads that deal with being a male survivor but, in our experience here we have found a kind of inclusiveness, compassion and support that is a strong and solid presence running through the site and its members. We always seem to find some one here that can relate to what we are talking about no matter what the subject. We hope you give it a try and look forward to talking to you (if you want to, of course) in the future.
    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain." - Vivian Greene

    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us"- Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "If music be the food of life then, play on" -William Shakespeare (and a big favorite of Mick Fleetwood)

  12. The following 2 users say thank you to theunwanted for this useful post:

    Jane (04-21-2018),weepingwillow (04-22-2018)

  13. #8
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    Well, I joined & I feel glad that I have. Thanks to all for providing so much information about the site, how it works, who itís for & for pointing out the clear guidelines. The last really are what made me decide to join Fort. It makes me feel comfortable to see what type of behavior & regard I can expect & what kind I wonít have to worry about experiencing.

    I had a hard time trying to decide what to call myself here, but settled on the name I have chosen because it represents my plan as far as both my physical & mental health are concerned, & because I am perfectly fit for this world. It took me a very long time to make that realization. I feel confident that I will not feel like I donít fit in here or be made to feel like some kind of alien from another planet who tries to act nonchalant & just like everyone else while hoping no one notices my antennae, giant bug eyes, long four fingers & fluorescent green skin.

    So Iíve made an introduction & have replied to a post or two, & Iíve enjoyed the conversations Iíve had as a result. Iím not ready to talk about the main reasons why I came here, but absolutely feel no pressure to do so. So thanks again for this forum & for the warm & informative welcomes!

  14. The following 2 users say thank you to Fit4Life for this useful post:

    Jane (04-24-2018),theunwanted (04-29-2018)

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