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Thread: Unhealthily Dealing with Trauma

  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    Unhealthily Dealing with Trauma

    I was raped almost three years ago, when I was 14. I have only recently told my family and my therapist and now I'm in the process of taking legal action. I wrote an essay that concerned some school officials and my mother a few weeks ago, and my mother decided it was a cry for help and that I needed to "deal with my trauma." I don't disagree with her, it is definitely a big issue for me. I am reluctant to go into a new form of trauma management therapy because I have already spent two years in therapy almost daily for my depression and severe self harm. I was so constantly exhausted and dreadfully unhappy during that time, and it took years for me to get to a point where I wasn't hurting myself every day. Intense therapies like these are excruciating to go through and they take tremendous amounts of time to actually produce a result. I don't know if I can put myself through that again, and I don't even know if I want to. I want to deal with my issues and get help but it's so much time, effort, and money for something that I have no guarantee will actually work. My current issue is that since I told my family and my therapist and it was decided something would be done about it, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I have it constantly playing on repeat in my head. I have no one I can candidly talk to about this, I have no healthy way to deal with my anxiety, and I've been smoking almost a half pack a day (my usual is two, maybe three cigarettes a day) for the past month. I feel so alone. I can't talk about my real feelings with anyone. I can't tell anyone that I feel like I will never be loved, that I hate my body as it is a constant physical reminder of the attack, I can't say I want to die. I can't just feel what I'm feeling because someone always has to remind me that I'm loved and beautiful. People constantly say these things and I don't think they understand that just because they say something, doesn't mean they have any positive impact. I keep hearing frail words of encouragement from transparent people who don't even care about what they're saying, let alone me. I don't know what to do to get this out of my head. I just want to stop feeling like this. I want to stop being ruled by my rape. I want to move on.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Kindness & hugs.
    I am so sorry you are feeling so traumatized...what you went through was big. Can only imagine the turmoil in your mind - have also been in the space where I reached out for help but was not ready when it came down to it...had to back off and give myself more time. When I did eventually feel able to share it helped that my T put absolutely no pressure on me - let me progress at my own pace - share and process as I felt able. Thing she said that reassured me was 'jane you have been through enough trauma already - for me one of the priorities is to take this as gently as possible - to work in a way that minimizes the risk of adding to your trauma).
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

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