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Thread: Financial Abuse

  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    Financial Abuse

    Iíve been with my boyfriend now for 10 months, and through most of our relationship Iíve paid for everything. I have paid for hotels for him, helped him get a camper, pay for dinners, pay for his rent, pay for gas, pay for anything and everything. And for some stupid reason, I keep letting him do this to me. He just put $105 on my credit card today. He used $650 of my money this week for lawyers and for a rental car. I keep blocking him and then unblock him. I need some support. I just feel so alone and stupid.

    And heís done other domestic violence things before, but here I am, still with him.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    Read your story and can relate - in my case my partner (now ex) did not really exploit me financially (had enough money of his own to not need to help himself to mine). However he did consistently put his own wishes and interests ahead of mine - did not play at all fair when it came to fairness and equity. In the end (after unsuccessful couple counselling, pleading etc) I decided enough was enough.

    Contributing to the debt and wasteful spending of another would upset me too. Even more so as in my country a partner's debt credit rating would impact on my own. Idk would it help to talk to a lawyer (one who had expertise in financial planning, matrimonial financial affairs) work out a way to tie things up so that he could not dip into your accounts. I know this would not stop him from pressuring you, emotionally trying to undermine your resolve. Is a hard thing I know to rise above your wish to please someone who you love and see that they are taking advantage of you - that giving in will not further their regard for you - just continue to reinforce the message that with enough cajoling and pleading you will give in and give them what they want even if it is not in your best interests to do so.

    As I read what I have written I am thinking to myself it is so easy to be wise after the event - remember when I was in this kind of manipulative stuff I was an easy target...said a lot but did not follow this up with effective action. Looking back can see I relied on him hearing me and having a change of heart and behaviour - he didn't

    What helped me (after I left) was to work with a therapist...enabled me to see that true love does not come with a requirement to give in to pressure or give your assets away to someone who claims them as their right...that functional relationships are about mutual respect and in my opinion this includes honouring the right of your partner to maintain sovereignty over their earnings and property.

    Hope what I have shared helps.

    Just had a further thought - have this article on financial abuse in our library that you may find useful http://www.fortrefuge.com/financial-abuse.php
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  3. #3
    Unregistered Guest
    Thank you so much, Jane. You proved that it can be done. I really appreciate your story and your help.

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