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Thread: No support. Desperate

  1. #1
    Purple Guest

    No support. Desperate

    I don't know where else to turn. I keep coming to support groups and forums because since it happened almost 9 years ago (it will be 9 years in late December), I've had no real support.
    I've had different types of therapy, hypnotherapy, meds...
    What I really needed was justice.
    I told the police, but they dropped the case. It never made it to court.
    I was branded a "liar" due to that, I was harassed and assaulted twice for "daring" to report it to the police. Apparently I had "ruined his life".
    Doesn't look too ruined to me!!!!!
    He's out there happily living it up and I'm now a recluse in my own home, too afraid to go out. I haven't left the house properly since 2012 when I was last assaulted (beaten) by him in a public park. I have violent panic attacks if I go up my street!

    I've since found out he is now working a 4-5 min walk away from my home. He knows where I live.
    Neighbours have seen him up our street and recognise him from when he broke into our house once, months before he raped me.

    I really do not feel safe.
    Police again will not do anything (I'm in England so no surprise there! Our police are awful.) and nobody wants to help me.
    I'm so scared and I can't live like this anymore. I'm desperate to get him put away. He's intimidating me on purpose I know he is! That's what he's like.
    I was a teenager when he abused me and raped me. He was MY AGE!!!!
    I can't understand why he's free.
    Every day it's all that's on my mind, and I'm feeling afraid and lost, with no help.
    Pretty soon I think I will give up altogether. I can't live like this anymore.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    14,135
    for you purple, hear how upsetting it is, when you report an assault to the police and the case doesnt make it to court. can see why support groups arent helping with putting the guy away though - kinda not their field. we're a support group too, for example. we can totally talk of coping with panic attacks, agoraphobia, etc - its an abuse site, many of us have been assaulted in our own homes, had someone break in, etc. its a terrifying experience, and yeah, many of us struggle with agoraphobia as a result. common topic on forums. got a couple of library pages about it too. so yeah, we can totally talk about it if you wanna: exchange ideas, experiences, etc. for you
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  3. The following 2 users say thank you to Manya for this useful post:

    Jane (11-02-2017),Jobriel (10-31-2017)

  4. #3
    Purple Guest
    Sorry I meant that I didn't find support groups helpful in general. People didn't reply to me or talked over me and I felt silenced again.
    Sorry I was typing all rushed and forgot to explain properly.

    I think having someone actually listen and truly believe me, not try to silence me, would be a great start :(

    Thank you for replying xx

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    19,880
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    Hi purple - glad you stepped in.

    Can understand why you feel as distressed as you do - who wouldn't in your situation. Also imo it is pretty normal to want some sort of punative action to be taken against some one who broke into your home and raped you...is hard when the police fail to find the evidence to follow through on a case...one that you lived through and know is true.

    As manya says you are more than welcome to join us - post/chat and share as much as you wish - express your feelings. As a peer to peer support group (no professionals all survivours) we do not do one on one support - instead we open convos on subjects that interest us - are causing us concern so that others who wish to can chip in add on-topic content. We also have some useful articles in our library (which are also available to you as a guest).

    Spending a few minutes sitting with you - letting you know I relate to your very human need to feel heard.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  6. #5
    Purple Guest
    Thank you both for replying. I did reply yesterday but it didn't seem to get posted???
    No I know punishment is not your field, that's not what I meant. I was typing in a rush so probably didn't make much sense.
    What I mean is the support group on Facebook I was in, wasn't very supportive because people either ignored my post or made it all about them. I don't mean that in a nasty way, not at all. I get why they talk about it.
    But I have never been "allowed to" without being silenced or talked over.
    I've had no help with this in almost 9yrs. I've been let down so badly by just everyone.
    I don't know why it's getting tougher to deal with lately, but it's all I think about. I'm scared.
    Moving to work 5 mins away from me can't be legal, surely?!
    He was arrested to be questioned back then, it wasn't an informal questioning, so surely that has to mean something?
    The police only had to look at his previous record; he's done some absolutely disgusting things! Crime, yes. Compulsively lie about sick things...Abused me throughout the 'relationship'...
    I can't believe I'm being made to suffer so much all this time later and nobody cares enough to even listen, let alone help me.

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    England.
    Posts
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    hugs and kisses,but mind the feathers please.
    Hi purple,
    so sorry to read all you've been through...

    I too am in England and wondered if these organisations might offer you some help

    https://rapecrisis.org.uk

    https://www.victimsupport.org.uk

    Hope things work out for you and you get the help and support you deserve
    " A person's a person no matter how small" Horton the Elephant.
    "Why,sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast" Lewis Carroll,Alice In Wonderland.

  8. The following user says thank you to eagle22 for this useful post:

    Jane (11-02-2017)

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