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Thread: Contact from Abuser

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
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    2

    Contact from Abuser

    Basically my dad abused me for about 12 years from when I was about 5/6years old until I was 18 when I managed to escape. Now Iím 22 and I have just had a hand delivered letter from my father informing me that my Grandma (his mother) has passed away from terminal cancer. He put his mobile number at the top of the paper and Iím not really sure what to do. I really appreciate that he thought to tell me and I want him to keep me updated should anything happen with the rest of his family. But how do I tell him any of this without opening up back and forth contact with him? If I tell him anything at all?
    I reported the abuse to the police but nothing came of it as there wasnít any physical evidence so he didnít get any kind of repercussions. That was 4 yeas ago and this is the 1st Iíve heard from him since.

  2. The following 2 users say thank you to Eliza95 for this useful post:

    Jane (10-29-2017),Jobriel (10-29-2017)

  3. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    Kindness & hugs.
    Hi Eliza first of all may I offer you my condolences for the loss of your grandma...passing of family members is usually hard for those who knew and cared for them.

    Hear your conflicted feelings about returning your father's message...that doing this may give him the idea that he can resume a contact with you. In your position I do not know how I would feel, I suppose if I wanted to attend the family funeral I would have to accept that he would also be there and need to plan how I would manage this - if I had no intention of attending the funeral I would probably not return his message. Is a very personal thing - a hard situation to be dealing with.

    Just another thought...is there any family members other than your father who you could contact to offer your condolences and be with as you come to terms with the lost of your grandma.

    For you if I may
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Posts
    2
    Thank you for your kind words. Unfortunately I am not in co tact with any of the rest of his family as I didnít feel it fair to put them in the middle of everything. Youíre right, I donít really want anything to come of me contacting him, so there is no point in doing it. I can respect my grandma in my own time and in my own way. I would not want to go to the funeral - again as I would not want to put my other family members in a difficult position or cause any arguments at the funeral. Thank you so much for the advice.

  5. The following user says thank you to Eliza95 for this useful post:

    Jane (11-08-2017)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
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    England.
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    hugs and kisses,but mind the feathers please.
    Sorry about your Grandma....wondered if just sending flowers on the day to the funeral directors would offer you some way out of actually going and would perhaps help you mark her passing without making contact with your father.
    " A person's a person no matter how small" Horton the Elephant.
    "Why,sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast" Lewis Carroll,Alice In Wonderland.

  7. The following user says thank you to eagle22 for this useful post:

    Jane (11-08-2017)

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