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Thread: After effects of abuse

  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    After effects of abuse

    I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years, 2 years ago. This summer that ex phsyically assaulted me outside my house, I got the police involved, I got an injunction but my mental health has suffered greatly. I was scared to leave the house and as a result have been left sick with PTSD and depression. Shortly after I had to leave that residence for unrelated reasons and then my partner at the time left me because he couldn't deal with me needing support through this- because of my sickness.

    So I now find myself trying to fight with the NHS for the right mental health support (and for my mental health Dr not to use inappropriate language around DV!) and having to try and manage my health as a single woman again. I have supportive friends but I find the DV aspect really throws people and I'm not in this frustrating space of partially wanting to be open about what's happened but also not wanting to be pigeon holed by my experiences or to keep having to discuss/ explain them in detail.

    Also- during the relationship I was very accepting of his behaviour towards me and his actions towards me and so its only retrospectively that I've been able to see this relationship as abusive. And so I'm here having to cope with PTSD from this relationship and a rape I experienced as a teen and left feeling like my whole life and dating/sexual preferences are in flux because they all have been effected by this.

    I feel like there's a lot of support for the crisis point of abuse when it is in action but less available for the after effects. I'm sure I'm not alone with seeing the extent to which the DV has effected all aspects of my life.

    Any words of support would be wonderful to hear- I'm exhausted fighting this battle alone and I'm disgusted at being left because of my assault. -As I said to my (most recent) ex ' By doing this you're letting him win.'

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Kindness & hugs.
    Hear you and can relate to the traumatic impact that can result from living with an abusive partner...how this impact can conmtinue even once you have left the relationship. Remember that it was not until I finally left that I fully appreciated the tension I had lived with - was too busy just getting through the day - trying to anticipate and avoid my ex's outbursts (unsuccessfully so!). When I finally left was like my protective barrier shattered and I was confronted with all the emotional pain that up until this time I had not let myself acknowledge - let alone deal with. Found that although my friends and family tried to understand and be supportive - they were pretty out of their depth (lots of comments like 'its over you can get on with your life now', 'glad you have finally come to your senses and left him' and worst of all implications that I was stupid to have cast my lot in with an abuser.

    In the end I stopped turning to my family/friends for support - found it just made things worse. Thing I did do was work with a trauma T someone with the knowledge and training to understand where I was at - and to help me find my way forward. Making this choice was a good one for me and slowly I started to be able to process what I had been through and start to focus on my future rebuilding my life.

    All of us here know what it is like to live with abuse and heal from its often profound aftermath...so no shortage of people to share with who get it. You welcome to join us if that appeals to you.

    For you
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  3. The following user says thank you to Jane for this useful post:

    weepingwillow (10-08-2017)

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