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Thread: few years later

  1. #1
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    few years later

    When I was 18 I entered into an abusive relationship; we were together for about a year and a half (till I was 19). Now I am 23 and I have a new boyfriend that I have been dating for the past two and a half years. We are bestfriends, lovers, and significant others. He is not abusive what so ever and our relationship would be considered healthy. About a year or two ago my old abusive partner tried contacting me. First it was simply things like trying to add me as a friend on Facebook and sending me a message on Facebook. Than the contact stopped for awhile and he ended up texting my phone; I ignored it. Than a few months down the road I got a call from my mom one day. She told me some kid named ***** was calling the house over and over again and wanted to talk to me (he was calling my parents home I no longer live there). He than sent me another text on my cell phone. I felt angry and upset with the situation. I than decided to call him using my cell phone. When I heard his voice I first stood my ground and told him to no longer contact me or my family and that I would be blocking him from my cell phone and what he was doing had to stop and was not right. (I feel ashamed for writing this) but than he pulled a "fast one" on me; at the time I was blind to what was going on. He started saying things like, "well I just want to talk to you because I have some issues going on and your the only person I feel like I can talk to about it." and "your really good at helping people and helping me through things" and "I need someone I don't have anyone else to talk to". He new I was a caring person; at the time we dated I worked as a caregiver and I am now in college going for social work.. and he played upon that. :( I started questioning him as to why he didn't have anyone else to talk to but I eventually broke down and I agreed to talk to him (over the phone) about his problems. My boyfriend came home that night and even though I felt uncomfortable telling him that I was talking to my ex abusive boyfriend to try to help him I new I had to tell him because honesty is important in a relationship. When I told him he became upset at the situation and talked with me as to why I needed to stop. But I felt angry.. but at my boyfriend. I felt angry because I was trying to help someone and he was trying to stop me. I told him that I could help this person and that he didn't have to worry. That evening things were a bit quite in the house between my boyfriend and I and I could tell he was becoming more upset; at the time I thought it was ridiculous. Than after awhile I had been talking with my ex he sent me a text message about meeting up with him one time. At the time I thought "yes" I can talk with him and help better in person. My boyfriend (for good reason) became more concerned. After talking for awhile my ex than sent me a text message saying something sexual. At that point it finally hit me and the light in my brain came on that "wow ya he isn't talking to me for "help" and I should not be doing this" Since than I didn't talk him at all and am not planning on it ever again.. but here is the thing this happened months ago and I talked with my boyfriend and he understands my "logic" at the time and he is supportive of me. But I still feel really dumb, stupid, and guilty...... I feel dumb and stupid for believing my x just wanted help, I feel dumb and stupid for even answering him in the first place, I feel dumb and stupid for being upset at my current bf at the time, I feel guilty.. I feel like I betrayed my current boyfriend.. I feel like I let him down.. I feel like I cheated..
    How do I overcome these feelings and not feel this way about this small situation?
    Also at the time I had the thoughts of how I could meet up with him and was thinking about different ways I could kill him....
    How do I overcome these thought and worries?
    and do I have anything to feel guilty about?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    Kindness & hugs.
    I am sorry you find yourself in this situation - have also made decisions I later have regretted - sometimes under pressure, sometimes due to more complex reasons idk looking at a situation through rose coloured glasses...ignoring or not seeing warning signs. Yep done plenty of things I have later regretted - sometimes gone against the advice of friends and family who had genuine concerns that things were not going to work out well.

    It helps to remind myself that making mistakes is part of the human condition...that beating myself up takes me down a bad path - that learning from my mistakes and consciously moving on (hard as this is) works better for me. Other thing I have done if I can not process and heal from some event in my life is to contact and work with a trauma therapist...just mentioning this in case it is something you may like to consider.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  3. The following 2 users say thank you to Jane for this useful post:

    kittenlover (06-15-2017),weepingwillow (06-15-2017)

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