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Thread: I need advice and help.

  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    I need advice and help.

    To those reading, I am a 21 year old female and have been in my relationship for a total of 3 years come this July of 2017.

    Yesterday I experienced a fear like non I have in my life. I feared for my life. Me and my partner do not see each other a lot of the time because of the nature of our work and study patterns. He works full time whilst I work part time and study full time aswell.

    Yesterday we had an argument. This argument then turned violent. I had my face slapped, hair yanked and my partner was holding a kitchen knife in his hand. He kept shouting literally face to face with me whilst holding the 6-7 inch knife...I thought he was going to stab me.

    He ended up cutting his own hand with this knife and getting blood on his furniture and then said to me 'that all of this was my fault and I caused this to happen'

    Needless to say, this isn't the first time I have been hit. In the space of our 3 year partnership I have been punched in various places, slapped, choked, restrained, attempted to have been suffocated, had a knife held to my throat, the list goes on.

    Now from yesterday I am scared to even be around this person. I don't want to engaging in sex but somehow it still happened yesterday.

    Because of this violence happening, I have now sadly started to also become violent, which is something I do not want to be. I have adapted this mannerism because of the anger and hatred I have towards him for making me experience these things.

    I want to get out of this relationship, but I honestly don't not know how to. I scared that he will try to kill me or one of us will end up seriously hurt.

    Please can someone help me. I don't know what to do.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    19,860
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    Sounds nasty...can understand why you have decided to leave this guy. There is help out their for people in your situation I turned to my local DV shelter - staff there helped me to look at my options and develop a plan to leave my abusive ex. Also gave me advice on how to protect my interests and offered me therapy.

    Was hard leaving I mean my ex was not all bad...but like many before me I found with work and time I reached an ok place and now look back and wonder why I stayed for as long as did - why when with planning I could have left earlier. Yep sure took me a while to realise this man's good points did not balance out his out of control behaviour...that I was selling myself short.

    Hope what I have shared helps you to put your happiness and safety first.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  3. The following 2 users say thank you to Jane for this useful post:

    freedom2016 (06-03-2017),weepingwillow (06-01-2017)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Posts
    41

    be safe

    I know you're afraid of him but you may need to either go to the ER and have them document any bruising or scars or go ahead and call 911 the next time it happens. That way, you can have some documentation and be able to file an Order of Protection. Where I'm at, an Order of Protection is only good for 30 days and then a judge has to determine if it is extended. If you have documentation, the judge can see that as reason for signing the Order of Protection and extending it if needed. Granted, the order is just a piece of paper so you'll still have to be careful, but it will at least give you some breathing room. I was advised to keep the order if possible so that if my ex tries to come around me that I can have him arrested. Some times just the thought of being arrested is enough to convince someone not to come around. Everyone is different though. If you don't see each other much now, the more you're around each other, the more the violence will occur. It's not my place to tell someone whether they should leave or not, but in my experience, the violence only increased. There's a thread on this site titled "cycle of abuse". If you haven't read it yet, you should check it out. It may help. Good luck and be safe. I hope this helps.

  5. #4
    Join Date
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    Quote Originally Posted by freedom2016 View Post
    There's a thread on this site titled "cycle of abuse". If you haven't read it yet, you should check it out.
    we also have a library page on it, available to everyone (forum threads are visible only to registered members), here - http://www.fortrefuge.com/cycle-of-abuse.php
    Guidelines | FAQ | Talk to Mods | Get Keys | Contributors Club

    *Honorary Member of The Troll Patrol doing laundry in public:

  6. The following 2 users say thank you to Manya for this useful post:

    freedom2016 (06-04-2017),weepingwillow (06-04-2017)

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