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Thread: Feel unjustified

  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    Feel unjustified

    I was hit, punched, barracaded in rooms, watched while I showered etc by my son's bio father (he's out of the picture and I'm now married to someone else) about 8 years ago when I was 18. I don't feel justified if I were to go to a domestic violence survivor's meeting or support group because I know many others have had it much worse. I don't even remember if some of the stuff I've heard his family say he did to me is true or not and he's never punched me in the stomach or face or things like that. I still have a sense of sadness and anxiety when I think back to that time and almost have an anxiety attack anytime we had to go to city over him violating my temp. stalking protection order against him. I would go to a sorry group or counselor but I dont want to offend anyone or have anyone think that I don't belong because what I went through want as bad as it could've been or as others had been through. I've never had a black eye or cut lip and no hospital trips resulting from him. Thank you if you've read all this and if any mistakes my apologies I'm using my phone.

  2. #2
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    Hi read about how you are thinking - 'the others had it worse than me' thing. Think it is pretty common to do this, however round here we do not judge abuse by what happened or when - is this worse than that? Reality is the only thing that matters is the impact it had on you - the person subjected to it. idk an example: have experienced a lot of bad stuff...some of it meets the criteria to legally be labelled as abuse (a crime) other stuff like emotional abuse does not. Doesn't mean that I did not find the emotional abuse traumatic at the time and still deal with its long-lasting aftermath.

    Clearly what you experienced traumatised you - reckon that is justification enough for you to say it was not ok - to seek support...to register here if you wish.

    For you
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  3. The following 3 users say thank you to Jane for this useful post:

    Manya (05-13-2017),Sunfl0wer (05-13-2017),weepingwillow (05-15-2017)

  4. #3
    Unregistered Guest

    I do feel as though I'm a survivor of it

    I guess it's just a hard reality because I've witnessed and experienced abuse in various forms in my life and have tried to down play it or others have downplayed it to me. I did thunk it's time I talk to a counselor about it though or talk about my experience to others. Thank you for your feedback!

  5. #4
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    From your description, sounds like you are still needing to cope with the affects of abuse. After reading around here sometime, I hear it again and again, persons who feel like their abuse "wasn't enough" in some way to be valid or bad enough to seek therapy for it or other such help.

    I also have felt that. Recall seeing blood on my shirt, thinking, it wasn't "bleeding" enough to need help. I mean after all, the blood wasn't really dripping down my face too much. It was only spots ya see? Then my arm slammed, the x rays showed it wasn't broke, so maybe I was making too much of getting slammed in a door?

    Well, when I got out of that relationship finally, my therapist suggested a womens domestic violence group therapy for me. I was shocked. In my head, I never broke a rib, stayed overnight in a hospital cause of him. I felt these women would look at me like they are the ones who endured stuff and what I had was small potatoes. Anyway, long story short... these women embraced me...saw themselves in me. While their abuse did go on for many more years than mine had, we had a lot in common, they started out like me and kept wanting to save me, impart wisdom, tell me I didn't deserve this. They needed to say this to me, being the youngest member of that group, and I realized that I needed to hear all that stuff. Hear complete strangers tell me I am worth it, doesn't matter how I want to measure or minimize my abuse, I am still worth more. Saw the pain in their eyes as tho they were talking to their younger selves, really helped me grasp how much we had in common.

    I mean, not saying everyone is going to have a similar group therapy experience, just saying ya don't know ya may end up having a lot to contribute to the dynamic of a group that you didn't expect. May even learn to be ok getting something outta it for yourself too.
    Had I not created my whole world. I would certainly have died in other people’s. ~Anias Nin

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  7. #5
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    its not a competition. people sometimes feel guilty about calling a suicide hotline while not actually planning to kill themselves, cuz they figure they are keeping the line busy and someone in actual danger might not get help fast enough as a result. however, fort is a peer group, there are no counselors on staff, so you wont be "taking away" from others by being here. its not a hotline, we're simply talking of common experiences, sharing tips and tricks, etc. for example, got tons of threads on dealing with anxiety. it doesnt matter where that anxiety comes from - for some of us it's from past domestic violence, for others its rape, or child abuse, or any other type of abuse; someone did to us something they werent supposed to, and that traumatized us, and now we get anxiety attacks when reminded of the past. so we talk about coping with it. the more input there is - the more helpful it is for everyone, so theres no point in competing on "who had it worse"...

    for you
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  8. The following 3 users say thank you to Manya for this useful post:

    Jane (05-13-2017),Sunfl0wer (05-13-2017),weepingwillow (05-15-2017)

  9. #6
    Unregistered Guest

    Thank you!

    I appreciate the replies and I think joining and talking to people who can relate can help a lot and hopefully I can help and/or listen to others in turn.

  10. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    I guess it's just a hard reality because I've witnessed and experienced abuse in various forms in my life and have tried to down play it or others have downplayed it to me. I did thunk it's time I talk to a counselor about it though or talk about my experience to others. Thank you for your feedback!
    Hear you...hope coming here helps you to continue to find your way forward...to take the steps that seem best to you in your own time.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  11. #8
    Unregistered Guest
    Thank you I'm hoping to move forward and I think I found the right online support forum to help!

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