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Thread: Hard time dealing with memories

  1. #1
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    Hard time dealing with memories

    I was in a relationship for 4 years and it recently ended. During the relationship, he was controlling and would get mad when I talked to other guys or would hang out with friends without him. The breaking point was when he started using cocaine. One night he got very aggressive with me. He thew a bottle at me and talked to me in a very deep tone like he was about to lose it. I told him that I needed to go and he held onto my forarms and told me I couldn't leave. He grabbed onto my clothes so I couldn't leave. I waited that night until he fell asleep and snuck out and that was how I left him. Now he is saying that he's sorry and it'll never happen again, and he wants to be friends. I cant be his friend, who does that to a friend? It has been a few months but I am having a hard time dealing with the memory of this night. I confided in my friend at work and he said I should talk to someone about this so it doesn't affect me worse later. But I'm having a hard time lately. What should I do?

  2. #2
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    Can't tell you what to do, it's your life yaknow, so I wouldn't put much stock in advice from online peeps anyway. I'm sorry to hear that things ended this way with your boyfriend.

    I've learned that if someone makes me that uncomfortable I don't want them in my life, so like you probably wouldn't want to be friends with him either.

    Coming here to talk to other abuse survivors and talking to a therapist have both been very helpful for me. Many people find one or both helps them, so perhaps it'll be an option for you as well.
    "You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it." -- Robin Williams
    "Don't be afraid of the shadows, that only means there's a light nearby." -- Evanescence
    "So when you’re feeling crazy, and things fall apart, listen to your head, remember who you are." -- Three Days Grace
    "But I am not really worried, I am not overly concerned. You try to tell yourself the things you tell yourself to make yourself forget." -- Counting Crows
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    "Peace will win and fear will lose."

    "And I will say that we should take a moment and hold it, and keep it frozen and know that life has a hopeful undertone."
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  3. The following user says thank you to weepingwillow for this useful post:

    Sunfl0wer (05-07-2017)

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    I confided in my friend at work and he said I should talk to someone about this so it doesn't affect me worse later. But I'm having a hard time lately. What should I do?
    Am working with a therapist myself to help me to reprocess traumatic memories. It has been pretty helpful.

    This site also has been helpful, in a different way. While the therapist actually helps me undo the anxious response I get to the memories, reading around and posting around here helps me to relearn different perspectives and responses to abuse. Helps me feel like some things that I hated about myself, seem a bit of a natural response to some abuse, so after reading that many others feel similar or responded similar, I am more easily able to be kind to myself about it...which helps me heal and learn to nurture and love myself more.

    Just sayin, for me, my therapist has one place in my healing. Fort has another. Neither can replace the other, in my situatiin, they do two different things the other cannot.
    Had I not created my whole world. I would certainly have died in other people’s. ~Anias Nin

  5. The following 2 users say thank you to Sunfl0wer for this useful post:

    Jane (05-07-2017),weepingwillow (05-09-2017)

  6. #4
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    Can understand you not wanting to go back to this guy (in your shoes it would take a lot to convince me this was a wise thing to do) also that the memory of being held against your will is still haunting you. it helped me to talk about my abuse related memories with a trained trauma therapist. Just to have someone listen and take my story and its impact seriously helped me to process and start to heal. Think whether or not to work with a therapist is a very personal thing...for me I had to feel ready to do this and it took me a while to get to this stage.

    For you
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

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    weepingwillow (05-09-2017)

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    talking with someone whether shrink or trusted friend or some places pretty good for crises like hotlines and such or writing it all down to get things out the last one does the trick for me

  9. The following 2 users say thank you to SF for this useful post:

    Jane (05-09-2017),weepingwillow (05-09-2017)

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