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Thread: Hard time dealing with memories

  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    Hard time dealing with memories

    I was in a relationship for 4 years and it recently ended. During the relationship, he was controlling and would get mad when I talked to other guys or would hang out with friends without him. The breaking point was when he started using cocaine. One night he got very aggressive with me. He thew a bottle at me and talked to me in a very deep tone like he was about to lose it. I told him that I needed to go and he held onto my forarms and told me I couldn't leave. He grabbed onto my clothes so I couldn't leave. I waited that night until he fell asleep and snuck out and that was how I left him. Now he is saying that he's sorry and it'll never happen again, and he wants to be friends. I cant be his friend, who does that to a friend? It has been a few months but I am having a hard time dealing with the memory of this night. I confided in my friend at work and he said I should talk to someone about this so it doesn't affect me worse later. But I'm having a hard time lately. What should I do?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    PA USA
    Can't tell you what to do, it's your life yaknow, so I wouldn't put much stock in advice from online peeps anyway. I'm sorry to hear that things ended this way with your boyfriend.

    I've learned that if someone makes me that uncomfortable I don't want them in my life, so like you probably wouldn't want to be friends with him either.

    Coming here to talk to other abuse survivors and talking to a therapist have both been very helpful for me. Many people find one or both helps them, so perhaps it'll be an option for you as well.
    Currently dusting off my jumpsuit. Cover me!
    East is up.
    You can learn to levitate with just a little help.
    You're facin' down a dark hall/I'll grab my light and go with you.||-//

  3. The following user says thank you to weepingwillow for this useful post:

    Sunfl0wer (05-07-2017)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    May 2016
    I confided in my friend at work and he said I should talk to someone about this so it doesn't affect me worse later. But I'm having a hard time lately. What should I do?
    Am working with a therapist myself to help me to reprocess traumatic memories. It has been pretty helpful.

    This site also has been helpful, in a different way. While the therapist actually helps me undo the anxious response I get to the memories, reading around and posting around here helps me to relearn different perspectives and responses to abuse. Helps me feel like some things that I hated about myself, seem a bit of a natural response to some abuse, so after reading that many others feel similar or responded similar, I am more easily able to be kind to myself about it...which helps me heal and learn to nurture and love myself more.

    Just sayin, for me, my therapist has one place in my healing. Fort has another. Neither can replace the other, in my situatiin, they do two different things the other cannot.
    ”Not only do self-love and love of others go hand in hand but ultimately they are indistinguishable.” ― M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth

  5. The following 2 users say thank you to Sunfl0wer for this useful post:

    Jane (05-07-2017),weepingwillow (05-09-2017)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Kindness & hugs.
    Can understand you not wanting to go back to this guy (in your shoes it would take a lot to convince me this was a wise thing to do) also that the memory of being held against your will is still haunting you. it helped me to talk about my abuse related memories with a trained trauma therapist. Just to have someone listen and take my story and its impact seriously helped me to process and start to heal. Think whether or not to work with a therapist is a very personal thing...for me I had to feel ready to do this and it took me a while to get to this stage.

    For you
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  7. The following user says thank you to Jane for this useful post:

    weepingwillow (05-09-2017)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    talking with someone whether shrink or trusted friend or some places pretty good for crises like hotlines and such or writing it all down to get things out the last one does the trick for me

  9. The following 2 users say thank you to SF for this useful post:

    Jane (05-09-2017),weepingwillow (05-09-2017)

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