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Thread: Current relationship issues

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
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    hugs and kisses,but mind the feathers please.
    I think for me no matter what the cause this would have been unacceptable behaviour and a complete deal breaker.
    Relationships to my mind should be based on mutual standards and likes at the very least..and his response to your lack of sobriety was beyond anything I would personally tolerate.
    My usual reply to anyone is this: what would you tell your sister/daughter/ mother or friend should she tell you about this? If it applies to them it should to you too..

    I hope you manage to find a way through this that sits well with you.
    " A person's a person no matter how small" Horton the Elephant.
    "Why,sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast" Lewis Carroll,Alice In Wonderland.

  2. The following 2 users say thank you to eagle22 for this useful post:

    Jane (03-24-2017),Manya (03-31-2017)

  3. #12
    Peter le Cornu Guest

    Be careful

    Be aware that when you try to cut him off from the gravy train to which he's attached himself, the reaction will be angry and violent.

    Please don't be naive... have people present who can protect you. Get a restraining order if necessary.

    It would be such a shame if you managed to take that good step only to have violent assault and physical injury to add to your problems.

    Unfortunately I know firsthand about abusive violent and sociopathic people... which is why my first impulse is to give you these warnings.

    I wish you a good outcome.

  4. #13
    Unregistered Guest

    Confused

    I am so confused right now. I feel like I am in the middle of a bad horror movie, and I am the Star of it. It all seems so unreal.

    I got out of an abusive marriage, the police removed me, and ended up in an even worse situation. This man keeps trying to purposely make me ill in various ways. He also traps my cat in a corner when he thinks I am not looking and scares her. I now just stay in the living room with her, with the door closed all the time. He knows I have an asthma-like illness and he goes spraying things in the kitchen to try to make me sick, and turns the heating system off and on because we are having problems with the radiators putting off a chemical like smell and also a gassy smell and he knows it makes me ill.

    I am possibly going to get a large sum of money from ESA, and he is on my claim. I want to leave here as soon as I can. I don't know if I am required to give him half of it. I wish I could keep it all till I get out of there safely. I am afraid if I get this money and give him half, he will leave then and I will not have anywhere to live and end up in a homeless shelter and lose my cat as well.

    He also does just stupid things like puts his food over in the middle of the refrigerator shelf because he knows that I want my stuff on one side of it and his on the other side of it. I have some kind of a mental disorder about this I guess, and I like to have everything in order. He always does these sort of things in a sneaky manner then denies it. I found out things about a Covert Narcissist and I am pretty sure that is what he is.

    I am also so afraid to move out as well, I am worried I wont be able to get onto ESA and stay on it. I just went for my health assessment a couple of days ago. I am afraid also that I won't be able to have a day with enough time when he is away so that I can safely move out of here with my cat. He does things like telling me he is going to 'take my cat for a walk' because he knows I want to protect her from harm and I won't let her outside because I have had 2 cats that got run over and died and one cat come up missing that I never saw again. And the teenagers here are awful to animals.

  5. #14
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    Hi hear how hard things are for you. Sure sounds like the threats and actions of your (am I right in thinking not yet ex) are doing nothing other than add to your problems. I wonder have you a case worker who you could discuss your options with...failing this maybe contact your local DV shelter. Hopefully they will be able to put you in contact with someone who will be able to clarify your legal entitlements re property and assets you share...and most importantly help you to enforce your right as an adult to make your own decisions...about your future including your current unhealthy relationship.

    I hope what I have shared helps to see you do have options that there is 3d help available for people living with domestic abuse and the like.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  6. #15
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    USA
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    Welcome. I've known men like the one you are describing. Get help, be safe.

  7. #16
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    England.
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    hugs and kisses,but mind the feathers please.
    I think you might be in the UK judging by mentioning ESA so hopefully this will help. The ESA is a benefit for you..as far as I know you are not required to give anyone a part of it..but perhaps a talk with Citizen's Advice or DWP might offer better advice?

    https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk

    https://customerservicecontactnumber.uk/dwp/

    Also maybe women's refuge might be able to offer some help with accommodation

    http://www.refuge.org.uk

    Hope this helps
    " A person's a person no matter how small" Horton the Elephant.
    "Why,sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast" Lewis Carroll,Alice In Wonderland.

  8. The following user says thank you to eagle22 for this useful post:

    weepingwillow (04-14-2017)

  9. #17
    Unregistered Guest

    life has been stressful lately

    I have PTSD and am on the autism spectrum. my boyfriend and I get along most of the time until he hit me a couple months ago. I work at mental health. My boyfriend is unable to work and is pretty upset about it. He still goes for life skills program. My boss is concerned because he likes to name call or put down disguised as a joke. Something at work triggers me. My bosses are understanding but I haven't been able to do my job. So I just go to hang out. I don't know what at work triggers me. Something does. Any suggestions for the triggers
    or relationship advice?

  10. #18
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    I am so sorry that your b/f is not treating you well - we have some links listed under the help tab in our header - details about agencies you could approach for relationship advice. Is not what we are able to offer here as we focus on providing a place for people who are no longer experiencing abuse and are working on healing from the harm it has created for them.

    Idk if you have visited our library (link also in the header) we have some good info their on managing triggers, grounding techniques and such.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  11. #19
    RichLOX Guest

    Thoughts about my complicated relationship

    Good Day. Recently I made a post about financial abuse and really was appreciative of the feedback I received. So, I wanted to make another post, just to get some thoughts about my current relationship.

    Currently, I am engaged to my girlfriend with a tentative wedding date in October. We have lived together for about 18 months. Our relationship has been rather volatile since we moved in together. Despite not showing any abusive tendencies in my former marriage or my two post-divorce significant relationships before this one (and I have asked all my exes if I was abusive or not), I have demonstrated some abusive tendencies in this current relationship (physical such as yelling and getting in my finace’s face during arguments and emotional by not following through on things I said I would do). Since I recognized these tendencies, I voluntarily attend a DV counseling group (one of the court-ordered types) and see a psychologist for my anger/control issues. My fiancé has survived several abusive relationships in her past which does affect our relationship and she has demonstrated abusive tendencies towards me (and she currently sees a psychiatrist for PTSD related issues).

    The thing that confuses me about this relationship are the ways that my fiancé justifies her abusive behavior. For me, I know there is no excuse for any type of abusive behavior in any relationship (hence why I continue to get help with my issues). However whenever my fiancé is abusive towards me, she always stresses the “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” sort of thing, saying her behavior is justified. Much like me, she gets in my face during intense arguments and actually insults me greatly during arguments. As for any physical abuse, I have never come close to hitting her. However, there have been two incidents where she physically hit me, leaving significant bruises on my arms and legs, that were not initiated by any physically abusive behavior on my part. Additionally, she has thrown and broken things including my CD collection and a valuable baseball card.

    As you can probably see, I am very torn about this relationship. Is my fiancé’s behavior justified in any way??? Is there anything more you think I can do???

    Thanks for taking the time to read this.

  12. #20
    Join Date
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    Hi Rich not a relationship expert...though have had my share of unhealthy ones. For me I now would only set my lot with some one who treated me with respect. Someone who even if they disagreed with me accepted that I had a right to hold my own views.

    For me it is as simple as - to even be on my radar - they got too treat me as an equal. Not necessarily to agree with all I say. but prepared to talk things through (without snarky remarks) and both come out the other end feeling intact, able to live with were we have got to.

    In your situation I would not be planning my wedding...setting the date. Would feel I still had stuff to work on with her - that I was not yet ready for this big step.

    Again. I have experienced volatile relationships - ones where we seemed to be tugging in different dirrections. Found them too life sapping - not good for me or my partner.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  13. The following 2 users say thank you to Jane for this useful post:

    Manya (05-02-2017),Sunfl0wer (05-04-2017)

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