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Thread: how to stop this fear

  1. #1
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    how to stop this fear

    i was in a violent and controlling relationship for 3 years. i am in a good one now have been with him for 22 years , i still have the fear of been hit from behind or punched in the head i cant seem to make it go away, the man i am with now would never hurt me in any way. how to i stop the constant fear the looking over my shoulder the felling someone is coming towards me to hit me please how.

  2. #2
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    Hi there,
    I feel you about fearing specific abuse to reoccur.
    For me, with greater sense of safety, exterrnally and internally, it has eased up. However, if something occurs to compromise my sense of safety, then it seems to return.

    What I mean by externally, for example: While in a relationship with my most recent ex, at some point, he started transferring his past fears onto me and treated me like someone who abused him in his past who abused him. Simply put, he started getting paranoid/delusional (we even went to couples counseling where he told the therapist he was being abused by me and therapist tried to correct him over the course of many sessions.)that I was abusing him even tho I was not and began trying to protect himself from me... I felt less safe, therefore I was more easily triggered. My past fears of someone sneaking up on me and such, became way more easily triggered.

    What I mean by internal is my own thinking. When I am thinking negative thoughts of myself and sort of beating myself up in my head, then again, I seem to get more easily triggered by this past abuse and will react way more easily.

    So for example, atm, I am quite calm. Yet, if I go to a new dentist and they start reclining me without telling me what is going on, I may feel triggered. And if I further do not speak up to help myself feel safer by saying: Hey, btw, just want you to know, I have PTSD so please tell me before you are about to want to do something so I am not caught off guard please. However, if I do not speak up for myself, I will feel internally triggered and feel worse.

    For some reason tho, I got a facial, and she had to have me in simial oosition as dentist, and I did nit feel triggered cause she naturally did some "grounding" things for me, like holding one hand on my shoulder.

    So atm, I have exacerbations and kind of remissions of being hypersensitive. Mostly these days I am fine, but I know if I hang around certain folks who are not respectful this may change.

    I do hope that there is a way forward while in my trauma therapy that will make this not a trigger any longer, at some point. I am hipeful maybe EMDR will help it or such, idk.

  3. The following 2 users say thank you to Sunfl0wer for this useful post:

    Jane (02-10-2017),kittenlover (02-10-2017)

  4. #3
    Join Date
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    Big break-through for me was the realisation that thinking and intellectualising about my triggers did not help me to minimise and/or control them. Thing that did help was to acknowledge and surrender to their impact. Sounds counter-intuitive but by doing this (initially with the spport of my T) helped me to get to know and build up my resistance to them.

    Was not a quick process (or an easy one ) but with practise I learned to recognise my body's initial emotional and sensory reactions to triggers (whatever may have caused them) and to develop strategies to calm them...prevent a full-blown panic attack. Would like to say that I am now trigger-free - however that is not so...but, I am better at taking control of my reaction to them...mmmh well on a good day
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

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