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Thread: Helping my friend extract himself

  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    Helping my friend extract himself

    My best friend broke up with his abusive partner years ago. However, they continue to live in the same house, as she threatens/attacks/has a complete meltdown every time he tries to move out, she gets drunk, or they otherwise fight. He feels trapped due to obligation and guilt, as he feels that she is completely and utterly dependent on him, and if he moves out it will be too hard on her. He is in therapy to help him overcome this, but it's like he is trapped in this prison he can't seem to remove himself from. He isn't afraid of her physically hurting him and doesn't really fear for his safety (although she's bloodied his face many times), he is afraid of being the cause of so much anguish in her life.

    The incidences of physical/emotional abuse are relatively few and far between (as they don't really interact much), but he is in absolute misery. There are a lot of deep issues on his end, including crippling depression and anxiety. He has a stressful job and feels like it's easier to just not deal with things at home.

    I've watched this go on for a long time (about 3 years), and been as supportive and non-judgmental as possible. However, I have decided that I'm going to come to him (he lives quite far from me) and remove him from the situation. What's always prevented me is a fear that he will be upset or hate me. i basically don't care anymore. I can't stand to watch him live like this - he's barely functioning and it's not been good for either of them.

    I will simply get him an apartment (which he can easily afford; money is not an issue at all) and go to his house, and tell him/her that he is moving out. She is your typical bully, and I don't expect any issues with her, but I'll bring someone along just in case. I've been hinting at this for a while, and part of me suspects that part of him hopes I will come. In any case, I don't expect to need to go through with it. I think he will move out himself before I get there, but I feel like he needs the push.

    I was wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation, and if anyone could share? I'm not really looking for advice so much as anyone's shared experiences and would be open to ideas/things I've not thought of. Has anyone confronted a non-dangerous abuser? Any thoughts on making it as easy and pain-free as possible? Thanks in advance, and thanks for reading.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    I've watched this go on for a long time (about 3 years), and been as supportive and non-judgmental as possible. However, I have decided that I'm going to come to him (he lives quite far from me) and remove him from the situation. What's always prevented me is a fear that he will be upset or hate me. i basically don't care anymore. I can't stand to watch him live like this - he's barely functioning and it's not been good for either of them.
    if someone in my life started making and enforcing decisions on whats good and whats bad for me - id ask them to cut it out, and would certainly call the police if they didnt drop it instantly. just my two cents
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  3. The following user says thank you to Manya for this useful post:

    Tasha1701D (01-03-2017)

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