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Thread: My Story to Connect w/Fellow Survivors

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Posts
    5

    My Story to Connect w/Fellow Survivors

    I married a man that put on a good front in the beginning. He is (was) the hottest guy I ever saw, could be a model so good looking. He was shy, opened doors for me, and thought was man of my dreams. *** had finally answered my prayers... so I thought. He wore a false shield of labeling himself "Christian" on a dating site. He had two daughters only ages 1 1/2 and 3 yrs old when first met. I immediately fell into the role of helping them get clothed, bathed, feed, and various chores. I also had a 12 year old at the time so this was an adjustment for her. He appeared to be a good stepdad to her. Skipping a bit later, we get married moved to another state for him so we could be a blended family. The violent temper began about four months after living together. He was angry about something and kicked an old stereo speaker that was his. I knew he had mentioned that he previously smoked weed "once" in a while. He picked up this habit once he tricked us into moving in with him. I kept smelling something funny until we went to his friends house and realized after they lit up what that was the whole time... I was against drugs and he promised to not do that if I moved for him to his state. One night we weren't even married yet at that first home and he didn't come home after work til 11 at night leaving me with his kids to care for and not answering the phone. He came home with flowers as an I'm sorry I smoked weed and left you to tend to the kids! First time I got flowers from him was this instance. Another time we were sitting around the table and he got angry over something silly like I asked about a bill or something then all of a sudden he slams his knife onto a glass plate and it shattered all over the children's food. He quickly apologized saying he didn't realize he hit it so hard and was trying to set it down hard on table. I fell for his excuse in beginning. Once we moved to a nicer home... it was no longer things he broke.

    During an argument (well him yelling me just listening) he was angry and I said I just wanted to take quick drive. I grabbed my purse and put on jean jacket. He got angry I was trying to leave and had a beer in his hand. It looked like he was going to try and throw beer bottle at me so I put my arm up to defend myself and he pored beer all over my long hair and all over my jacket and dripped on my jeans. He said there now try to go, the cops will pull you over and you'll smell like beer. I cried that he treated me like garbage and took a shower to get the smell off. He said after that he just loved me so much that he didn't want me to go... This is a horrible tactic to believe, but when your in the abuse you slowly start to find normalcy in ridiculous reasoning.

    I was upset that he was smoking again when he had quit for several months and grabbed my purse with keys. He snatched them from my hand screaming profanity and threw them over the fence in the back yard. I was embarrassed to go over there in case someone heard him.

    One time he got angry that I needed to get out of the house and go to a local restaurant down street to get sweet tea. I never stayed gone long just for fact I knew he'd get mad. (By the way this is absolutely control for the abuser so this should be red flag if not free to leave). He got angry once again, but this time he was extremely violent. He grabbed my jaw and squeezed it hard slamming me against the wall. Screaming in my face saying you think you can f*** leave whenever you want! You can't just leave whenever you feel like it.

    This is when cops get called. We went to church, I smelled weed on him and asked him not to because my daughter and boyfriend would be with us and going to church! Anyway, he was staring at a young 18 year old skinny blonde (I'm 34, he was 30). He didn't do glance he was gawking at her whole way from her in her seat to us standing and eyes followed her to front for communion. He finally looked over to me and I gave him the look, like I know what you did. He took his truck to church and I took my car so I darted out without saying anything. He met back at the house and I was crying. He played it off and said what's wrong with you. I told him I saw him staring at that girl. He immediately became enraged. I said even my daughter and her boyfriend saw you. That set him over top and he grabbed my head as my daughter walked toward the door and head butted me. I told her get out so she'd be safe and went outside to call cops. I had welt on my eyebrow bone and he's going to court for that on March 17th of this year. I'm terrified that they will just let him go for it and just slap on wrist. This man is dangerous..

    Last thing! Sorry so long. After that I did take him back after 30 days of no contact. He made every promise in the book. He would make it up to me, he was so sorry, threw in a few words of acknowledging his actions yet throwing in it was an accident! It wasn't! Anyway, so move back with him thinking he's going to not smoke again, take anger management, and show me *** will get us through it. Two weeks in he started his games. He was name calling me. Especially if fell asleep on couch and just wanted to cuddle in bed. I asked him to come to bed quietly and he'd sit up and scream "I already f*** heard you". I knew at that point to leave him alone or would be bad for me. He mocked me for my Christian college degree I'm still pursuing. "Oh look at me, I'm perfect with my Christian college degree, I'm just a smart girl" in a baby voice to mock me.

    What was the last straw... I once again just trying to leave the home to go down the street to get fuel and before I can say anything. He whips around the corner while putting his girls to bed and said "where the F*** do you think your going" I start to say I was just going to go.. I didn't get to finish and he lunges at me, yanks my purse from me and I closed my eyes or blacked out.. and his fist hits my lip on the lower left side and shoves me to the ground so hard my whole elbow immediately turned purple after hitting. I was in shock... I didn't even plan necessarily leaving I just knew what he did was so bad and my body couldn't handle it anymore... I was on phone with my mom a few days later and I just started crying and said it happened again and I'm telling you before I try to keep it secret anymore because I can't do this anymore. See I didn't know back then, but lots of us being abused keep it secret because we hope they will change and we can't say anything to anyone because we won't get the opportunity to try. However, we cannot change the abuser! If they did it once, they most likely will do it to you again. The worst part to me is I was a faithful, loving, gentle voice, caring woman. (deletion) He had an ex that cheated on him and had a temper... why me? I didn't deserve it. I really feel in the end, he was trying to get me to react. He grew up in an abusive home so that was normal for him. This was not normal for me... it shouldn't be for any of you either! Take care of yourself before thinking about saving someone who can't be saved!

    Mod edit: religious references only allowed in spirituality folder.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    20,886
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    Kindness & hugs.
    Hi Christian. Welcome on board...

    Can relate Christian. I was also the target of a man who covered up his shadow side until he had hooked me in. Despite many promises (generally when he thought I was going to leave) he never did. Like you I gave him lots of chances. Hoped this time it would work...never happened. Took me too long to see that how he was, was likely how he was going to stay. That I had two choices stay and put up with it or leave. I chose the latter.

    I hope coming here provide you with a safe platform to share and feel heard as you work on your healing...rebuilding your life.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.


    Off for a while. Searching for the end of the tangle that is my life

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Posts
    5

    Response to Jane

    This site has really helped so far. I have a few family members, but I don't want to overdo talking about this. I know it gets overwhelming and sometimes too much emotionally for them to handle all the facts of what I've been through. Appreciate this site and all it has to offer (: It's probably the best medicine in the world to have others to relate to in this situation and hugs go out to all of survivors.

  4. The following user says thank you to Christian2282 for this useful post:

    weepingwillow (01-03-2017)

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