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Thread: Emotional abuse..?

  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    Emotional abuse..?

    Hello... I dont really know how this works or if anyone will even read this... I just dont know what to think... So ive been with my husband for 6 years been married for 3. This all started about a year into the realtionship. It just started out as what i thought was just a little bad temper. Then it escalated into something bigger. I remember we were at his mothers house...i dont rememeber the full convorsation... But he got mad at me, so he went into the room and was texting me telling me that i started it all and everything, so i replyed back to defend myself... Me and his mother were sitting in the living room and coyld hear him in the room thrpwing things and slamming and breaking things. She yelled at him which was terribly embarrassing and i was trying not to cry infront of her. Then he came back out to try to talj about and i didnt want to infront of his mother so he got pissed and called me a "stupid piece of " infront of his mother.... Degrading. Things like this went on quite often. My mother would pick me up from his house and i would just cry the whole car ride... This went on probably 3x a week.. The we would be out with my family eating and would say infront of everyone that i can only get one thing because hes not paying for all my food. He still does this. We will be at the store and i will ask him if i can get a new $5 dollar shirt ( i dont have very many and i stay at home with our son and dont have my own money) he gets mad and makes it seem like my fault because he "had" to put thi gs up to get my shirt... But we have more than enough money to get both. I am not allowed to have my own bank card... I cant be on the bank account... I have to ask him for $20 for things for the house and its like pulking teeth. He doesnt like to share the money with me at all... I get told that i look like a dike but hes "just kidding" i get told i look like terrible but hes "just kidding" i get told i smell bad or i need to take a shower or i should brush my hair or teeth... But hes "just kidding." I try to talk to him about things that are important to me but he doesnt listen.. He has told me he doesnt like to listen to me talk because i talk to much... Or i will be telling him a funny story from past and he will cut me off because hes heard it a million times. So i have to stop telling him my story and sit there quite. He makes "jokes" in front of my family about how im lazy or i never clean the house or how i never give him sex. Bassically making me look like a terrible wife but hes "just kidding." he also has said things in front of my famil like "why dont you do any thing" or "get off your ass and do it yourself." or "get off your lazy ass and do it your self." he gets mad if i dont do things his way he says "thats was an idiotic way of doing that." or "you should have more common sense." he has made embarrasing comments in front of people like "uuh did you just piss yourself?" and if i want anything like a ciggarette or a lighter or a charger cord he says "well what are you gonna do for me if i give this to you." asks if im going to give him sexual favors in exchange to use his lighter ect. He makes very provocative sexual comment about me infront of my parents or uncle.... Degrading. He will just walk up and grope me whenever he wants to (even in the grocery store.) he will try to do sexual thing to me in front of my baby sister or parents and gets mad when i tell him no....every time we get into an argument he turns it around and makes me seem like the bad guy. Everything is my fault... If hes late for work its my fault. If were low on gas its my fault. If he loses his keyes or cell phone or smokes....its my fault...always. He doesnt like me hanging out with my mother (because she sees rigjt through him) i cant hang out with my friend by myself or hes "gonna pack my and ill find it on the porch" but yet he can go to the bar (almost everynight) for ours on end... I feel very stuck.... And ive tried for 5 years to stick with him. Ive threaten to leave if he doesnt cchang (at least 3 times)... I offered counselling. He tells me he will kill himself if i leave him... So i stay and he does good for a coypke weeks..but then its right back to his same old ways.im so affraid one day i will just accept his behavior as normal and wont recognize the signs that i should leave...i also dont want my son growing up thinking this is normal behavior...im affraid im going to have a break down.. Is this emotional abuse? Or am i just over annlyzing... Idk what to do... When is the final straw? So confused... Please help me....

  2. #2
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    Hear you.
    He tells me he will kill himself if i leave him... So i stay and he does good for a coypke weeks..but then its right back to his same old ways.im so affraid one day i will just accept his behavior as normal and wont recognize the signs that i should leave...i also dont want my son growing up thinking this is normal behavior...im affraid im going to have a break down.. Is this emotional abuse? Or am i just over annlyzing... Idk what to do... When is the final straw? So confused... Please help me....
    Cant tell you what to do that must be your decision. However it is within your power to change your situation...not by trying to change his behaviour...behaviour which seems to be well established and not causing him any concern. The thing you have control over is your response - you do not have to stay and take it...continue to be the target of his nasty offensive ways. Up to you. There is support out there for people in your situation. I turned to staff at my local dv shelter...was good to have their input...helped me to see and decide on my options. Was not easy but in the end I left. Took me a while to get my life back on track but with time and the help of my family things did improve. Do I regret leaving?...No not at all.

    Threats of self-harm. Seems that many abusers use this to guilt-trip their partner. However the bottom line is you are not responsible for any of his decisions including his threats to hurt himself...is his choice and his alone if he decides to do this.
    Heading off on a mini vacation - some rest and recreation - be back at the end of the week - round about Sunday 24th

    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  3. The following 2 users say thank you to Jane for this useful post:

    Manya (12-23-2016),weepingwillow (12-27-2016)

  4. #3
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    not trying to be mean, but the guy makes zero sense. hes saying that you're a lousy wife: lazy, cant do anything right, withhold sexual favors, arent attractive, talk too much, etc, etc, etc - and yet that he'll kill himself if you leave. i mean, either hes lying and you arent as bad as he likes to say - or hes some sorta fetishist who wants sexual favors from a woman who needs to be reminded to take shower?

    i know its not funny, not trying to make light of your situation, just i remember how scary and confusing it was when i was in a bad relationship, and how long it took me to notice that things he was saying made no sense whatsoever, just didnt reconcile...
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  5. The following 2 users say thank you to Manya for this useful post:

    Jane (12-23-2016),weepingwillow (12-27-2016)

  6. #4
    Unregistered Guest
    I don't have much advice but I am in a similar situation. Not exactly the same but I get told all the time how I do everything wrong. Like you said in an idiotic way or he will say stuff like what kind of idiot does things like that. Anytime something breaks or goes wrong it's always my fault. I get told I'm lazy and never do anything around the house. He has to do it all. It is a tough way to live. I feel like I walk on eggshells because I don't know what will set him off.

  7. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    I feel like I walk on eggshells because I don't know what will set him off.
    Can relate - especially to the above. In the end I decided that he was never going to change - didn't want to. Made my decision easy. Live with him and accept that this included being subjected to this sort of stuff for as long as we stayed together or accept that I was not happy, was not what I had signed up for and leave. I chose the later.

    Was not easy when I first left...however looking back and seeing more clearly how things were, would have remained I am glad I did.
    Heading off on a mini vacation - some rest and recreation - be back at the end of the week - round about Sunday 24th

    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  8. #6
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    Eggshells?

    I've been walking on eggshells, not only read the book but also listened to it on audio. I'm now looking back over my shoulder.
    I really don't know what is right or wrong anymore much less what to think period.

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