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Thread: lost

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2016


    I am new to this site. I guess I'm writing to vent. I was molested by a cousin when I was 2 until I was 5.my brother raped me and molested me from 11 to 13. Never did my parents do anything. To this day my brother is the ideal child. Successful stable ECT. I feel alone. It feels like my anger is coming back and I don't know what to do w it. I have so much hurt to overcome I wonder will I ever. I have 3 girls I'm raising and I push it all down because they deserve so much more than to see that horrid mud seep out of me. I'm alone though. My family dis owned me. It feels like I slip everytime I take a step. Does this nightmare ever get easier? Can a person really become a survivor and LIVE? I need to find me within me I know. I wish I knew where to start and how.

  2. The following user says thank you to numb00 for this useful post:

    Jane (12-11-2016)

  3. #2
    Tasha1701D's Avatar
    Tasha1701D is offline Fort Security Chief & Stargazer
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Penguins & hugs work, no prayers or religious refs
    to Fort. I relate to feeling like anger is taking over, like there's so much of it, that's the only thing I was feeling unless I just boxed it up and put it away. I'm still working on that, and therapy has helped me tremendously with being able to express myself in ways that don't hurt me or others around me. It has taken time, but I feel like I have a really good life, in spite of what happened to me. I hope that you find the support you're looking for, both online and in 3D.

    May you have peace, live long, and prosper.

    "On the starship Enterprise, no one is alone." ~Capt. Jean-Luc Picard in The Bonding, ST:TNG Season 3
    "Seize the time, Meribor-live now! Make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again." ~Capt. Jean-Luc Picard as Kamin in The Inner Light, ST:TNG Season 5

  4. The following user says thank you to Tasha1701D for this useful post:

    Jane (12-11-2016)

  5. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Kindness & hugs.
    Welcome numb00

    Agree it is hard to come to terms with the sort of stuff you describe...hard to not fee wrought up inside that your parents idk denied the harm that was being done to you. Turned against you. In my book so undeserved, how the ed they could live with their conscience defeats me - as I think it would most 'right thinking' people.

    I hope like it is for me...fort becomes a place where you can feel connected to other survivors...ones who know the pain of being cast into an underserved role...have undeservedly been labelled and treated as scape goat for their dysfunctional family. Imo says much more about them than it does you.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2016

    Hi numb00

    First, I responded to your "handle"; numbness was certainly my first defense against feeling all the horrors of the emotional storms inside. And I didn't want to hand on my stuff to those around me. Numbness was like emergency first aid for me. Anger & a sense of injustice that those responsible remained in denial while I suffered were huge issues for me. I had to remind myself that I was not the sh** storm I was feeling; that, like a tree in winter, it was enough to endure till a better season; that I shouldn't expect myself to put out beautiful "leaves"; that I needed to be gentle with myself--especially in light of others past brutality. I had to remind myself not to assist them in continuing the damage, to actively refuse to accept self hatred, anger, blame. To paraphrase MLK- the arc of the universe is long but it curves toward justice. Personally, it gave me peace to think that justice or karma would someday catch up with them but that I didn't need to wait to see it. My grandmother had a saying that helped me to distance from my perps, "leave them to heaven". You can substitute whatever belief or reframing technique you want; for me dealing with that sense that they were still living rent free in my head was the final insult that had to be dealt with.

  7. The following user says thank you to aruna for this useful post:

    weepingwillow (12-19-2016)

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