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Thread: Post Verbal Abuse

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2016

    Post Verbal Abuse

    Previously, I haven't been open about this, but I think getting this out will help. If anyone has any suggestions or feedback, please feel free do add.

    Growing up, I experienced verbal abuse as a child throughout my teen years. This was at home and when coupled with the teasing and bullying that is rampant in our schools, I didn't have very many safe environments. The abuse ranged in type and intensity. From name calling, and excessive yelling, other times even "Yes you may" was "I don't care." I'm being treated for depression currently but rarely have I been forward enough to admit this has occurred. It doesn't feel like it should be such a big deal, but deep down I know that's not true.

    Let me know your thoughts.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    hugs and kisses,but mind the feathers please.
    Hi Bill

    I think verbal abuse is often overlooked and know from experience that it can have a profound effect on a person's self esteem even many years later.
    Perhaps talking to someone trained in dealing with things like this could offer you some closure?
    I hope this helps
    xxxx M
    " A person's a person no matter how small" Horton the Elephant.
    "Why,sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast" Lewis Carroll,Alice In Wonderland.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Any and all affection is a-okay!


    I feel like verbal abuse is one of the easiest to overlook for one main reason. People have trouble differentiating between the difference in impact of actions in different contexts. If a stranger off the street came up and informed me I was worthless, and incapable of achieving anything in my life, I would probably just shrug, think to myself, "Well that's rude." and keep walking without really reacting. If my mother were to say that to me while I were reliant on her I would be extremely hurt for 2 reasons.

    1. My mother is someone with power over my life. Her opinion of me affects my life directly.
    2. My mother is someone that at one point I respected--especially while I was under her control.

    Whereas the stranger is neither, so it has less effect. When people think of verbal abuse they may think of an example with the stranger, and generalize the effect that has on a person as the affect ALL verbal abuse has, regardless of the relationship tha person has with them. So this makes it really easy for verbally abusive parents, and partners, to just invalidate someone's feelings about the matter saying, "It's just words. You shouldn't be so sensitive. You take everthing too personally. etc." --blaming the victim.

    It's hard to convince other people of these things, so changing other people's opinions--which can be nice, when done successfully--isn't a very achievable goal to have. But fortunately, we almost always have some modicum of control over our minds. Even if you don't fully believe it affirming to yourself that it was real, it does matter, and it's okay to be hurt by what someone says, and consciously telling yourself this will have an effect over time.

    Someone named Abraham Hicks is credited as saying, 'A belief is just a thought you keep thinking.' and in my experience it's true. It takes a really, really, really, long time for some things to set in, but eventually it's true.

    That being said, something I choose to believe, and remind myself (and you'll sometimes see it written in marker on me) is, "I am not all the evil they said I was." I don't have to believe what they told me. Yes, it still hurts, and that's okay. Yes, it's still something that I have to deal with on a daily basis, and that's okay. But I am under no obligation to become, or define myself as, who they said I was. The things they called me were just about as silly as calling me a one eyed, one horned, flying, purple people eater--I'm not.

  4. The following user says thank you to Naomi_Ink for this useful post:

    weepingwillow (12-02-2016)

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