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Thread: How abuse has affected me

  1. #1
    EasilyBroken Guest

    How abuse has affected me

    I was a strong and confident 19 year old woman when I met my boyfriend. I fell in love with him because I thought he was different from the rest. He was smart and handsome and had an infectious personality. At that time, it was like we couldn't get enough of each other. 7 years later and I'm no longer confident, I'm no longer strong. He's manipulative and he preys of the fact that I put other people's happiness above my own. He has turned what I used to think was a selfless trait into a powerful device that he uses to hurt me. He makes me feel like I'm not good enough, like nothing I do is ever good enough no matter how much work I put into it. Communication in my relationship is basically non-existent right now even though we live together. That's the hardest part for me because I have closed myself off from everybody (in hopes that no one will really realize what's happening). So I'm basically alone. To be fair I know I have a strong support system but I also know that everyone will tell me to walk away and I know that that is the best thing to do. I should just walk out the door and not look back. 7 years ago I would laugh to think that I would find myself in such a relationship. But here I am too "in love" and too "weak" to walk away.

    So now I feel broken. Just a figment of what I was. I stay home most times because when I'm out I feel like he's watching my every move, basically correcting my behaviour. When we go out together, I am quiet like a child put in her place.

    I hold on to the hope that one day soon I will find my strength. My greatest fear is that if I walk away before I'm ready to let go then I will find myself right back where I am. We broke up for a year back in 2013 and I couldn't move on because I was still "in love" with him. I don't want that to happen again. The next time I leave there should be no looking back. I'm afraid I'm not there yet.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Posts
    4

    Hi

    Hi

    I am sorry for all you suffered. Stay strong! Your worth is tremendous.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Posts
    5

    I'm new here

    You express yourself so beautifully & what you had to say really resonated with me. I think your strength & self awareness really shine thru. Soldiering on is so hard but higher ground exits and I wish you all the best on the journey. Thank you for sharing.

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