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Thread: Feeling like i'm stuck in a circle

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2016

    Feeling like i'm stuck in a circle

    Hi All,

    I'm unsure if I am ok to post this, if I'm not I'm sorry please delete!

    I am 23 and still living at home with my mum and younger brother. When I was 16 my dad was arrested for emotional and physical abuse against myself and younger brother.

    In the past two years it feels like I am relieving my childhood all over again with my mum. She has become very aggressive (never physical though) and almost seems as if she is annoyed every time I am around her. When I do go out with friends or my boyfriend I am told I'm abandoning her and never in the house (I make a point of never going out more than 2 nights per week).

    I do all the housework I can and pay towards the bills and buy a lot of the food shopping, all things I have no problem with doing, but it doesn't seem to be good enough.

    I told her I want to move out and have looked at a house with my boyfriend, she begged me to give her a few months to become a little more financially stable, I've agreed but hate being in the house. It feels like I'm constantly treading on egg shells.

    I don't want to be responsible for causing her issues, but I don't know how much more I can take. I've had three bouts of therapy but feel so tired with constantly questioning my actions and future plans.

    Has anyone else been through anything like this?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2016

    Hi Evie23

    I may be just reading my own past hx into what you wrote, if so excuse me, but it did remind me of times when my mom seemed to go between two poles. One was her displaced anger/worry weaponized & aimed at me- though not about real issues- more like at a convenient lightning rod & stress related when she probably felt she was losing her grip. The other pole involved her own past family-of-origin issues. Then she seemed to be making me emotionally responsible for her as if I was her mom or therapist. That "not wanting to be left alone" issue was a biggy for her. I remember telling her I could & would listen to anything she had to say but I was only her daughter, not a therapist. My mom essentially regressed. I very gingerly suggested we or she seek counseling. I did have to deal with a rafter of hoohaw for that suggestion, but it did let her know that I didn't feel qualified at 16 to advise her or live as her ER nurse/shadow. Sometimes I have found the kindest thing I can do for another is to let them know what I feel are my limits. People in distress often don't recognize when they are leaning too hard or inappropriately on someone if they are feeling needy. I noticed your question was posted about a month ago, hope things have improved since for you all.

  3. The following user says thank you to aruna for this useful post:

    weepingwillow (12-21-2016)

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