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Thread: Hi! I'm new here!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2016

    Hi! I'm new here!

    I wanted to find a site where I can talk to others about domestic violence. I have been married for 23 years and it has been going on that long as well. I wanted a strong, protective man, but got more than what I bargained for. I get the nearly the full spectrum minus the sexual abuse. I don't know how to cope with the cycle of "good, bad, ugly and then back to good." Are all men violent/mean to their wife or girlfriend? I look at all men so differently and think that all of them act differently when they are at home. I know that is distorted and not true, but I don't trust any of them to be genuinely nice and if they are probably not for long. Anyway, I'm hopeful that this will give me an outlet to express my feelings. I am a nurse that takes care of others everyday, and I feel that I need some taking care of too. With domestic violence the hurt remains inside long after the bruises and bumps go away. It's a sad empty feeling. Looking forward to making some friends. Kamorablue

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    hey kamorablue

    i hear what youre saying. i was hit by a car a few years ago, used to jump every time i heard tires screeching, was afraid that every car driving by me was gonna hit me. i knew it wasnt statistically likely to happen, but couldnt help getting cold sweats. it passed eventually, i live in nyc and am constantly exposed to cars, so it kinda wore off. hope you stick around for a while - we have plenty of men here, maybe exposure would help you, like it helped me with cars. on the other hand, not like we constantly discuss the shape of our privates lol, dk how would you know if the person youre talking to on fort is a man or a woman

    idk what to tell you on whether all men are violent and not trustworthy. im not a man, but im jewish and sometimes get asked about worldwide jewish conspiracy or newborn sacrifices - still dk how to respond to that . you said you know its not true yourself though, so its prolly not an actual question. heres a link to one study on prevalence of dv by gender it looks like both men and women abuse their romantic partners, and the rates are comparable. so i dont think domestic violence is really a gender issue. both victims and perpetrators come in all genders, races, ages, levels of education, etc.

    for you
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  3. The following 2 users say thank you to Manya for this useful post:

    Jane (11-21-2016),weepingwillow (11-21-2016)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Kindness & hugs.
    Hi Kamorablue

    Is one of the things I have struggled with...seeing and reacting to things through the lenses of my past experience. Can see how it happens most people learn how to keep themselves safe...what to expect by what has happened in the past (touched the hot stove - yowie!..not gonna do that again)

    Trouble with me was that my "watch out...danger, danger" antenna took on a life of its own....started to drive me, make me see danger...big danger at the slightest cue...to generalize my fears - got to truly believe that all brown-eyed people (my abuser had brown eyes) were not ok. Logically l knew my thinking was uber flawed but could not convince my emotional being that it was so.

    Thing that helped me was to work with a T. To build some new inner scripts built on facts...the here and now. To pause before reacting...assess the situation and remind myself that I had the capacity to manage and soothe my fears - not inappropriately let them take me over. Has taken time but things have improved.

    For you.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  5. The following 2 users say thank you to Jane for this useful post:

    Manya (11-21-2016),weepingwillow (11-21-2016)

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