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Thread: I was emotionally abused and manipulated please help....

  1. #1
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    I was emotionally abused and manipulated please help....

    I started seeing a guy Nov 2014. Things moved really fast and by January we were engaged and living together. I felt so happy. We spent every moment together. At the time I was off work on LTD do to chronic panic attacks and I felt he was helping me out by being there. As months past I started to notice some jealousy. I have been a part time model now for 3 years and he knew of this before we had started a relationship together. It started out he didn't want me hanging out with my male friends. And if I did I had to check in with him at a certain time and be home at a certain time or he assumed I was cheating on him. When I went to photoshoots he always assumed I was cheating on him with the photographer. He accused me of cheating all the time because his ex had cheated on him. During this time she was also stalking him on social media and it upset me. As time went on things only got worse. I invited him to a model/photographer meetup to show him what it was all about. I went to take some pictures with a photographer and when I came back he started yelling at me in front of everyone asking why I took so long. I left in tears crying and embarrassed. As things got worse and he brought up stuff from my past I got very hostile. I started to get very aggressive with him punching him in the arms and the back crying and screaming. I felt so cornered I didn't know how else to react. things continued to get worse he would call me several times during photo shoots or hanging out with friends and get mad that I didn't answer the phone. By March this year we broke up the first time. He came home with the mail and I got assessed a lot of money for my incometax I was upset and crying. His response was that I shouldn't have been upset but instead happy to see him and he didn't care how I felt. We had a big fight and out of anger I told him I hated him. He then went to lay down and fell asleep or pretended too when he did the passive aggressive behavior thing he always did. I woke up the next morning to him packing his stuff. He has also done this several times. This time I didn't stop him. My friend came over to be moral support while he moved his stuff out and to make sure nothing bad would happen. He threatened to call the police and have her removed stating his name was still on the lease. After he left I thought he would leave me alone but he continued to harass my friends throughout the day on facebook and my brother threatening to beat him up. Later that night my friend called to tell me that he had hacked my facebook and started messaging him through my account. I panicked. I had to call him even though I didn't want to so I could get my password that he had changed. He threatened to deleted my account and make my life hell. After calmly talking him down he gave me the password and was crying on the phone. He had told me he was out on the streets. The next day I called the police to track him down and told them he may be dangerous to himself or others. Over the next few days we started to talk again and got back together even after he slandered me on a horrible site. Things continued as they were before the jealousy, manipulation and controlling behaviour were still there. He still couldn't hold down a job longer than a few months and he eventually started doing illegal work and it bothered me. At this point he was living with his mom. Things were not getting any better. I started to get upset when he told a friend of mine he didn't know if he loved me because I never cared about him which wasn't true. I decided then I wanted to end it. I told him I was through with him but he never took it seriously and tried to make plans to see me through out the following week. He called me one day and started yelling at me saying I didn't want to spend time with him. He texted me saying that he thought we should break up though I had told him I wanted to the week prior. I felt relieved at the time it ended. A few days later he messaged me on facebook saying he wished he had treated me better. I decided to block him. He kept messaging me on my phone saying he missed me and I ignored him. He finally sent me a text saying he was blocking and deleting my number and his facebook 5 minutes after one of the texts saying he missed me. That was the last I heard of him. A week later I found out he moved on to another girl and they moved in together and he is happy as ever. This is tearing me apart inside. How could he be so happy now and have treated me bad?

  2. The following user says thank you to Fighter for this useful post:

    Jane (09-26-2016)

  3. #2
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    Read your story...sounds like you got hooked in by a guy who was not partnership material.

    Idk from how you describe it you gave your relationship a good chance, believed his remorse and forgave his nasty behaviour. In my experience once someone establishes the habit of using abuse...lashing out at another to deal with their own problems this behaviour tends to become hard-wired and repetitive. Does not mean (as happened in my case) that the person is not able to do the right thing...in many instances my ex did this, make promises of change, apologised, however he quickly returned to his old ways once he felt confident that he had reeled me back in.

    Took me a long time to realise that how he was was likely how he was going to stay - that he had no interest in changing his hurtful ways, just as I had no ability to make him do this. I realised that the only control I had was how I responded to the situation I found myself in...to decide or not stop being his scapegoat. In the end I left...that the relationship was not wnat I wanted. Initially it was hard however like many before me I survived. Now I look back and wonder how I remained with him for as long as I did...how my usually sound judgement was so undermined by my drive to please a man that I now see had too many problems of his own to be a loving and supportive partner.

    I hope that what I have shared helps you to feel less alone. That with time things do get better
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.


    Off for a while. Searching for the end of the tangle that is my life

  4. #3
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    Aug 2016
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    I dunno...this sort of sounds a lot like with my ex. But like...I'm not so sure that all of his "happiness" with his (last I knew) current GF is really all that happy...cause I remember when we first met and all of that how much "happier" I made him than his ex had done...but then that didn't last long. (Dunno how to do the shrug emoji thingy...go figure...I can diagnose a severely ill computer...code a website...but can't do a simple emoji ) I tend to take anything he said about how he felt with a grain of salt cause it always seemed to change all the time. To most anyone who knew us (even towards the end) we seemed very happy together...and for the most part we were...but I had to leave when he totally flipped out and nearly killed me (or I was sure he was going to kill me...he says he wasn't...was just trying to "teach me a lesson"). It's been almost 2 years and I still miss him...I think I still love him at least so some degree. He had a potentially terminal illness that new treatments have recently been developed for and I want to know if he was able/is being able to get treatment and really get well. He has psych issues that I would love to know that he's been able to work with someone on and find peace inside himself...it's hard. I think often times as humans we put up fronts and we forget that other people do as well. I know my ex tried so hard to make me jealous after I left..."hooking up" with this gal he'd met on FB that was supposedly going to do all of this awesome stuff for him to treat him for christmas (which was less than 2 months after I left) and how awesome was that etc. It was all BS, but I didn't really know that at the time...it was just his attempt to try to make me feel bad for leaving.

  5. #4
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    I kinda feel like I can relate to this, my ex would be super controlling and if I was away from him for five mins or left in a room with one of his friends whilst he went to the toilet or something I had cheated on him, when in reality if they constantly accuse you of cheating without no solid evidence they are usually cheating themselves...I always find they will say they miss you so that they know they will have you to fall back on when the party is over and they have no where else to go...

    I hope he's treating his new girlfriend better for her sake and hope he doesn't do this to no one else, but am glad that it's no longer you that has to put up with how bad he treated you for you
    Come With Us Now On A Journey Through Time And Space

  6. #5
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    Sep 2016
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    I should feel relieved that he is no longer in my life but I've been crying every day and having dreams that him and I reconcile and everything is good. Even though in reality I will not take him back no matter how much I feel I need to. I just don't understand why he moved on so quick. A week after we broke up he was still sending me texts saying he missed me and trying to find a way to meet up with me in his manipulative ways. I always have wondered. Do abusive men treat all woman the same? And do you see this lasting between them? I'm sorry for the strange questions. I'm just dieing inside It feels like.

  7. #6
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    Sep 2016
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    Thanks Jess for the advice. It still hurts to know I was the victim of all his abuse. His ex has had nothing but bad to say about me calling me discusting, short, ugly and fat. She has never met me in person but claims she has. I am short yes 5'2 at 110lbs which to me is far from fat. She is bigger than I am so it makes no sense that she would say that. She really seems to have a hate on for me. I was willing to leave her unblocked on facebook if he did become abusive to her I would have been willing to talk to her but after that I just blocked her. It hurts every day and I still have nightmares every night. I just wish this would all go away and I could move on and be happy again.

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