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Thread: Has anyone ever confronted their perpetrator?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
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    Has anyone ever confronted their perpetrator?

    By calling, texting or in person. Did it help you get answers or bring closure or make the betrayal worse?

    People I asked say don't bother as abusive people will always deny or rationalize what happened. Has anyone been down this road? If so what did you do and how'd it go for you?

    Thanks in advance!

  2. #2
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    I thought I had healed enough,and was strong enough to confront one of mine.I thought since it would just be talking on the ohone it would be no big deal,and I would say exactly what I thought and felt.

    Big mistake!!I was told I wanted it and liked it,and quite a few other things,which instantly took me down to the depths of despair and I ended up curled up in a ball on the floor,sobbing.

    I wish I had not talked to him at all.Sometimes how we think or wish things will turn out can end up being the exact opposite,and making things worse.I don't know why I thought he would admit what he did to me was wrong or would apologize(that was the way it played out in my head beforehand).It left me feeling evdn worse and I will never do anything like that again!!

  3. The following user says thank you to Lost_In_Thought for this useful post:

    freedom2016 (09-03-2017)

  4. #3
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    Hi see you are registered Ivory...we have this interesting thread on this topic in the members' section of the site that you may like to read http://www.fortrefuge.com/forum/show...ht=confronting
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  5. #4
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    Sep 2016
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    Yes!

    Since I filed a police report I had to call him and record the conversation. He did not really have an answer for why they do it and they typically don't other than power (but I doubt they would admit it). It went well because although I did not get answers, I let him know that he hurt me and that what he did was wrong. I did feel a little betrayed, but it was not made worse by confronting him because at the end of the day he was a monster and was never my friend to begin with (obviously I learned this the hard way). However, if you aren't trying to get it for evidence, I don't think it will do much good for your mental state and could make your anxiety worse because I doubt you will get legitimate answers.

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
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    I did through a Facebook message. He just said "no I didn't" and that was pretty much the end of it. I don't think it made me feel better or worse to be honest. I don't know if you can predict your own reaction from anyone else's experiences with stuff like this but I was surprised how numb i was to that interaction. And I think that's ok too.

  7. #6
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    I confronted one not 'fully' but I did after a specific event that happened.
    This person put another person forward to handle my 'words' and twisted it into the 'old way' (me being rebellious and so on)
    and did not take responsibility for it (kind of 'of course' .. didn't expect differently)

  8. #7
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    Hey. Was down that road for almost a year...

    Yeah, I confronted my ehole family. My father abused me from baby secually ans all the rest, all abuse, nightmare.
    If you do want to confront your rapist, It is a bit stressful because when they lie and when they deny things it triggers anger and I have had veey bad rage fits due to them lying to me and making me feel inhuman again. They are posion to my good natured soul If you want to confront your rapist then thats ok but it can trigger anger alot! And anger is ok but if you are getting angry at someone who will never change and does respect you, they are not worth your time. But yes if you feel the need to confront then confront your heart away. Just dont get warped by them

  9. The following user says thank you to Lili4 for this useful post:

    freedom2016 (09-03-2017)

  10. #8
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    Dec 2015
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    I wish I was brave enough to. I think anyone who can do this is so courageous.

  11. The following user says thank you to Jesla for this useful post:

    freedom2016 (09-03-2017)

  12. #9
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    Oct 2016
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    never confronted

    I was apologized to once though, and I remember that not going well. I was not in a good place and I certainly wasn't ready to talk about what happened, and because I wasn't ready to talk about what happened, I panicked.
    I thought I'd been ready to confront him, we'd run into each other a few times, and I just wanted to make the pain of it go away. I realized I was a lot more angry than I ever thought. I thought I'd wanted an apology and then when I had it....I didn't know what to do with it....turns out words didn't even come close to making it okay, and in a way, that made it worse.

    I guess I mean...I didn't know what I wanted, I wanted to confront him and part of it was that he came to me first, and part of it was a "You think that's enough?" reaction to what I assumed I would have wanted had I confront him. Either way, it did not go well.
    "as long as I'm still standing, I can look ahead" ~Skyhill
    We are the resistance.

  13. #10
    unregistered Guest

    Confronting emotionally abusive ex, maybe?

    So it's been a year and a half since breakup, but lately I've been getting a lot more attempts from my ex (no caller ID calls, multiple emails to both my accounts, a new FB account to send me a message, even a message over pinterest of all places). The past month has had the most attempts (5 in one day and a couple of other times) and I'm getting to the point where I'm wondering if I should actually confront him and send him an email to respect my boundaries and to stop contacting me.

    His messages have pretty much all been wanting to get in contact and talk or asking if 'I'm ok' and a bunch of other ridiculous nonsense. I feel like responding to him in any way would be giving in to all those attempts he's been making. But I also don't want to keep receiving contact from him or having to 'deal with it'. I know in the end it's my decision, but sometimes it's nice to just hear other peoples' opinions.

    So there's three options:
    1. Keep chugging along and ignoring. Maybe he'll finally get the hint of me not responding to any of his attempts and stop.
    2. Send him an email to stop contacting me/leave me alone/respect my boundaries.
    3. Number 2 but do it in the flesh (I feel like if I did this for me personally it'd be terrifying but sorta be like a 'you have no power over me' thing.

    Still mulling this over; if I decided to actually meet up or do anything I'm definitely planning it after my sis comes home and before I go and hang out with friends so if I get emotionally wobbly there's friends/family to retreat to.

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