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Thread: I pushed him out of my face and he retaliated bad..is this abuse?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
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    1

    I pushed him out of my face and he retaliated bad..is this abuse?

    My bf and I have been together for 2 years. We have had our share of problems and over the last year he became pretty emotionally abusive. He would say things that were really mean and hurtful and the next day acted like nothing happened and I should just be over it.
    When I would bring up the issue calmly and try to tell him it hurt my feelings so bad he would just get mad and tell me to stop being so negative.
    About a month ago he was pretty drunk and we got into an argument...he was in my face calling me worthless and other mean names so I pushed him back out of my face.
    He then pulled my hair, grabbed my phone took it and smashed it to pieces then came back and grabbed the back of my shoulder so hard it broke skin and I had marks for a week.
    The next day he tried to act like everything was okay and it was no big deal. I don't want to forgive someone for putting there hands on me like that because it's never okay. But he says I started it because I pushed him.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    NYC
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    14,195
    sounds like you both have forgiven each other, if the incident was about a month ago and youre still together? seems like abuse is mutual in your relationship, and which of you abuses the other worse - idk, we're only hearing your half of the story, and its not our place to judge anyway. fort is a trauma recovery site, we talk of aftermath of abuse: ptsd, nightmares, depression, etc. might wanna talk to a lawyer? and/or to a marriage counselor? lawyer might be able to tell how much force is justified in self-defense, i figure it varies by jurisdiction. doubt youd be able to press charges for assault, just cuz its been a month, during which you continued to interact, but im no lawyer. and marriage counselor might be able to come up with some strategies to improve the relationship, to negotiate conflicts in some better way that doesnt involve yelling and pushing...

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  4. #3
    Sane girl Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Marie16 View Post
    My bf and I have been together for 2 years. We have had our share of problems and over the last year he became pretty emotionally abusive. He would say things that were really mean and hurtful and the next day acted like nothing happened and I should just be over it.
    When I would bring up the issue calmly and try to tell him it hurt my feelings so bad he would just get mad and tell me to stop being so negative.
    About a month ago he was pretty drunk and we got into an argument...he was in my face calling me worthless and other mean names so I pushed him back out of my face.
    He then pulled my hair, grabbed my phone took it and smashed it to pieces then came back and grabbed the back of my shoulder so hard it broke skin and I had marks for a week.
    The next day he tried to act like everything was okay and it was no big deal. I don't want to forgive someone for putting there hands on me like that because it's never okay. But he says I started it because I pushed him.
    Yes, it is abusive. And it is not your fault. My ex threatened me with a knife, and he said you "started it." Seek out a good dv program or counselor in your area who can help you.

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