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Thread: To afraid of rejection to share face to face

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    To afraid of rejection to share face to face

    I've been in Therapy for almost five years and I'm still struggling to describe the abuse I was subjected to as a child and then later on as an adult. I'm getting frustrated because I feel like I've processed it but the memories, and feelings that come with them just wont go away. Just wondering if anyone can relate.

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    I hope this does not sound invalidating, I think I have a bit of the opposite problem. I am able to talk about abuse incidents "too easy." I don't look to talk about it, but if it comes up, often I am able to freely speak. The issue I am seeing with this is that T doesn't seem interested in this. Not that he isn't interested, however, I suspect that if I am going to retell stuff seeming so disconnected, numb, unfeeling towards what it is that I am speaking of, then there may be less therapeutic benefit to the task of sharing. I suspect that when it actually is painful, like when I actually am not so numb cut off from the abuse AND share about it, or maybe just not so numb/distant from it, then that is when he will be more interested in my memories of the abuse as that is likely where the work needs to be done.

    I guess my point is, that what I notice for me is that it is when things are really really difficult, seem insurmountable for me, and I learn or experience a different way of experiencing the stuff, that seems to be when I have a most therapeutic healing experience.

    It was kind of hard to explain. Hope something makes sense.

    Sometimes when I feel I cannot talk about something in T, talking about the fact that it is hard, why it is too hard for me at that moment and working around the discomfort feelings, allowing them a voice and to feel safe with my discomfort first, can be really really helpful for me.

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    Sunflower,
    I think I understand what you're getting at. I know for me there have been times outside of therapy where I've shared much more about the details of my abuse, sometimes even if I don't really know the person well. I'm not sure why I do that and the majority of the time I wish I could just press rewind. When I'm in Therapy and it's something that is brought up it's much harder for me to share, and when I do it's usually without emotion. I don't think I've ever cried about any of it or even showed much anger towards the people who abused me. My therapist has told me that it's probably because I've stuffed it all down so far that I've just become numb to it. In the past I've tried doing EMDR and to some extent it's worked to help me process some of my feelings but I can only do it for a little while at a time because once I start processing then I have a hard time staying present, and my nightmares come back. It took me a while to figure out how my Therapist was helping me, he would sometimes ask me about day to day things, how my week went, how my kids were doing, etc... I kind of felt like I was boring him and that he really didn't want to help me get to the meat of the issue but I realized after awhile that he was helping me by giving me a break here and there because he knew how talking about it affected my daily life. Through this process I can see that I'm becoming less and less numb and disconnected when we do get around to talking about the hard stuff. It's taken a long time but I can definitely see some changes. Anyway, what you said didn't sound invalidating at all, everyone has different reactions and experiences.

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    Thanks for your reply, kinda helps me cause I thought once we did EMDR that it would happen in consecutive sessions, more continuously. The idea that I need a break, seems spot on for us too. For the in between sessions he does do a little asking about boring life stuff, said he wanted to know how I was functioning day to day, self care kinda stuff, so I kinda got his point. Then he went to our "Coping with Trauma Related Dissociation" book and redirected/revisited chapter 8 on finding safe places or something. So it got pared with the grounding, calming, self soothing like skills. I honestly felt a bit/slightly like "I failed" at the EMDR or such. Was probably more like him showing me how things work and what to expect, and trying it.

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    IM so glad you said this about EMDR, the part about thinking that you' failing it in some way. I totally agree, but my therapist has reassured me several times that there is no wrong or right way. It's a process so for me, part of my self care is knowing when I can do it and when I can't. In between, we work on other things. I think that's okay, at least for me

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    Sunfl0wer (08-16-2016)

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