Hello everyone...I would like to be remained anonymous...so I am SweetFire...my purpose of being a part of this family of survivors is to begin the healing process stronger as a whole starting right now... I have come to realized that I am a survivor of three rapes...the number of rapes doesn't even matter....its the trauma that hit the core of my being...

As of this morning....I woke up with this bad dream of being haunted of my rapist...This major rape incident happened to me in 2010...the worse. ... even right now just trying to express myself is difficult...very difficult...Just typing this down gets my mind all scattered...but I'm just going to go with the flow through my typing right now...

6 years later after my major rape incident by a man stranger in the street, who picked me up after being extremely intoxicated on January 1, 2016....I simply needed a ride back home, in my bed, safe..but instead it took a completely different turn and literally had me drowning till I reached out for help...

It was not my fault...but in my mind feels like it's my fault because I was intoxicated and I put myself in that position...Once a male therapist said to me that I should not gotten into that car.... Did i continue my therapy with this male therapist? Hell No because he does not understand. Clearly.

To allow this healing begins...baby steps...... after I woke up this morning feeling absolutely frozen and just this dark hole...I was triggered tremendously by my own PSTD (post stress traumatic disorder) of a dream I had ...it has been 6 years since I have not felt this deep intense amount of pain...it felt like an old wound torn wide open and salted sea water pouring over it....it literally hurts...i cried..I mean I had to touch my chest,were my heart is...and my soul crying...like a small little girl in me was so sad and felt completely alone...

I was suggested that I should embrace these feelings....but i'm having a hard time embracing these painful triggers...its part of who I am... So...here i am...reaching out for a support system... thank you for this web site to connect one another that we are not alone....