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Thread: Every time I fall asleep, I replay that moment....

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2016

    Every time I fall asleep, I replay that moment....

    It's hard to tell people describing that you went through. That moment when your life forever changes and how you look at the world changes. All I can think of is that moment and thinking that this will become a regular thing when I date someone. He strangled me when I tried to leave, silencing me, and all I could hear is that sound of trying to breath. Then waking up on the floor, gasping for air; he standing over me saying, "that was your fault." Those eyes I once thought that was full of love and hope, was a stranger, filled with anger. The court process seems like it's taking forever, but he claims that's he's innocent and I provoked him to do the things he did. His comments repeat in my head that I'm worthless. I'm trying to move forward, but it's hard when court is still continuing. I don't know if I have the strength to go to trial. I need support, but no one really knows what happens until it happens to you. I'm scared that one day I will run into him and everything will be flooding back. I am thankful that I got out, many don't. And I'm thankful I had the strength to have my voice heard and get help before it could've gotten worse. Everywhere I see reminders of the happy times we had, but that makes the healing process so much worse.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    PA USA
    I live on hugs.
    Sorry to hear that you're having flashbacks and having a hard time moving on. Seems pretty common really, it is life changing, and it takes a while to adjust. Blaming you for his bad behavior is pretty common too. If you made him do it then he's not responsible, which isn't true because only he has control of his behavior.

    I am glad to hear that you've managed to get out of the situation.
    "You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it." -- Robin Williams
    "Don't be afraid of the shadows, that only means there's a light nearby." -- Evanescence
    "So when you’re feeling crazy, and things fall apart, listen to your head, remember who you are." -- Three Days Grace
    "But I am not really worried, I am not overly concerned. You try to tell yourself the things you tell yourself to make yourself forget." -- Counting Crows
    "Our brains are sick, but that's OK!"
    "Peace will win and fear will lose."

    "And I will say that we should take a moment and hold it, and keep it frozen and know that life has a hopeful undertone."
    "It ain't the speakers that bump hearts, it's our hearts that make the beat!" -- twenty øne piløts |-/

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