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Thread: Why can't I join if I'm not an abuse survivor?

  1. #1
    fairbanks Guest

    Why can't I join if I'm not an abuse survivor?

    When I was a few years younger, I was struggling significantly with mental health issues - borderline personality disorder, self harm and depression. Linked with severe low self esteem. I stumbled across this website, after going through a lot. I found it to be the most accessible, the most supportive and had the most help for me. I would spend hours on here, telling my story, hearing others, being supported and gently supporting others struggle.

    I work as a Youth Worker now, and have supported one of my distressed young people by informing them about this site.

    I have never been abused. Not really. I have had had a good childhood, but as a teenager I, like the majority of womankind, have been verbally by men through cat calling, a little bit of grooming and verbal abuse through social media. I do not consider what I have been through as 'abuse'; in the sense of the word. So when trying to register with this site, I did not check the button for abuse. However, I tried to register saying that I have other emotional distress that I needed support with. But the website rejected me.

    I cannot explain how upset and un-supportive this action is. I believed this website was all inclusive. Regardless of experience or journey. It is a shame that this has happened, and I have no chose to come to this site not to primarily seek support, but to give it. I wanted to spend my evening supporting and reassuring others. I wanted to give to people what I received those years ago.

    It is a shame that I now cannot do that, because this site it amazing. Not just for those who have been abused, but for those who feel like they have been abuse by life, by experience and for those who just need that warm and supportive online environment to help them through these dark and lonely nights.

    I do hope that someone from admin or management reads this and that sees that this site has gone further than they intended it to. And that we all need you now, we all need support and love. And to open this site up further would do nothing but good. I hope you hear this.

    Thanks for reading. :-)

  2. #2
    BUCK8888 Guest

    Why can't I join?

    I just posted a huge, essay almost, post explaining how I thought that it was upsetting that I couldn't be accepted onto this site.

    I used to use this site, as it was free to anyone. I have not been abused in the literal sense, maybe on a verbally abusive mysonginistic way, but I have alway dealt with horrendous mental health issues.

    I was hoping to use this site again as it gave me so much support a few years ago....

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    14,195
    hey fairbanks/buck888

    i think you might be confusing us with some other site; fort has always been a private site open to abuse survivors only. it has never been open to anyone other than people who have been abused and want to talk to other people who have been abused, about the common struggles and victories they are having with the aftermath of this trauma.

    i agree that abuse is not the only type of trauma there is, and that trauma is not the only reason one might need a support group. there are support groups for all sorts of other issues - addictions, mental health problems, parenting, grief, etc. there are also more general (and much larger) organizations that attempt (sometimes successfully) to cover a very broad range of issues. fort refuge, however, is, and has always been, geared towards abuse survivors only. theres a multitude of reasons for this choice; one of them being the need for privacy that many of our members express. abuse is a painful, embarrassing, and a sensitive topic to discuss, and it's easier to talk of it with other survivors who are in the same boat. if only because opening the site to everyone would mean a much higher chance of our members bumping into their abusers in our chatrooms.

    im sad to hear that you felt upset and un-supported by the fact that this is an abuse survivors site, and hope you find a good community that would suit your needs. you could try psychcentral.com or 7cups.com, or browse other resources under "help" tab on top of this page.

    for you
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  4. The following 6 users say thank you to Manya for this useful post:

    BrokenGirl (06-25-2016),Jane (06-25-2016),Jobriel (06-25-2016),SamsClub (06-25-2016),weepingwillow (06-25-2016),ZJ (06-25-2016)

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