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Thread: The trials of leaving my abusive husband

  1. #1
    isolated_scared Guest

    The trials of leaving my abusive husband

    My marriage started out great. He was a loving, sweet, protecting man, and from what I thought a good step father; until one day things changed entirely.
    He became controlling and possessive, angry and negative; he had all of a sudden changed into a man I didnt even recognize anymore.
    He started checking up on my every move, questioning everything I did or said. The constant comments started about how I dressed or if I got ready and did my make up. Soon enough he was constantly accusing me of sleeping around. This person, that person; anyone who would really conversate with me anymore.
    I started to feel isolated from everyone and everything. I stopped calling or texting or talking to people who I had before. Even my own mother. I stopped going to do things without him, even if it was only taking my daughter to do something just to avoid a fight and him getting angry.
    I became constantly afraid of every move I made or what I could and couldnt tell him or talk to him about. I was always walking on eggshells everyday. I began deleting messages and keeping certain things from him, out of fear of his reaction. I could never predict what mood he would be in.
    He was negative about everything and anything he could find to be irritated about. And no matter how much I tried to stay calm, and make him feel better and reassure him in positive things, he would continue on and on. Over and over again. Everyday. All the time. Messaging my parents even, repetitively.
    He was constantly finding things to blame me for and get mad over. And anytime hed get mad and especially after he started getting physical, the blaming only worsened. He seemed to somehow always turn it into my fault for the way he was acting.
    He checked my phone repeatedly, followed me when I was trying to get away. Send texts and calls over and over again harassing me all the time; it started to seem this happened more and more, and the good things we based our marriage on had started to grow few and far between.
    The comments insisting I had been physical with someone else, because he said it felt like it had been touched; or Insisting I wanted to dress a certain way so that I could look good for someone else.
    The bruises left from him trying to hold me hostage in my own home; forcing me back into the house against my will.
    He would break things when he would get angry. Smack cigarettes out of my hand when he was angry; resulting in a burn and even a scar. He would grab me by both sides of my head and violently shake me because I wouldnt talk. Just while trying to keep my composure.
    It started to effect my work life, my ability as a mother, and after a certain point my energy to even keep going anymore. I felt trapped, hopeless, and terrified.
    I no longer got excited about coming home to him, I actually started to dred it. What would he say or do next? How bad will it be this time?
    Idk, how many times Ive turned my phone on silent, Do Not Disturb, or even blocked his calls. They would come back to back; he just couldnt stop. Hed do it to the point our phones would start messing up.
    I almost had given up all hope. I lost me and my happiness trying to satisfy someone elses happiness, for my own and even my safety.
    I cant tell you how many times my daughter would see this, even after my persistent desperate attempts to get him to not do anything in front of her.
    I couldnt take living like this anymore. I watched my mom go through this as a child, and I refuse to allow my daughter to watch her mother go through the same thing. I have to break the cycle. No matter how much it hurts and scared. No matter how much he promised he would change. His promises had become words that would go in one ear and out the other. They were meaningless. The constant sorries and unfulfilled promises got really old. They meant nothing anymore.
    He could say or do whatever he wanted now. I had made up my mind. I was getting out now, before it got to late. I am my daughters role model. She should see exactly how she deserves to be treated by a man one day. Even though it felt like the impossible, I left.
    Abuse, neither physical nor emotional is acceptable. EVER!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    21,821
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    Kindness & hugs.
    Hi scared...

    I am so sorry that you ended up being hooked in by a controlling and manipulative man. Share that experience with you...the shock, disbelief and gradual dawning of the reality of your situation. I also know the strength it takes to say 'enough, I deserve better' and walk away. Could not agree more with you about the importance of putting the well-being of your daughter centre and front of your decision making...she is so lucky to have a mother who does this.

    Thank you for sharing your helpful story
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    146

    Staying or going

    The reasons people do not leave are complex. Whilst I applaud the courage of those who choose to leave, I also celebrate all courageous mothers stuck in difficult or potentially dangerous situations.
    A rose for you at this challenging time.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    14,705
    i agree its complex, but gotta comment that keeping a child in your custody in a potentially dangerous environment, or just plain exposed to violence, is a crime in some jurisdictions, and a reason to lose custody in many more jurisdictions. heres a link to the first article on the topic that came up on google - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/adam-b...b_6237346.html
    lotsa people feel its unfair/outrageous/etc, blaming the victim, not supportive, etc - but fort doesnt invent/enforce laws. might wanna google your local laws, all im saying
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  5. The following 3 users say thank you to Manya for this useful post:

    eagle22 (07-03-2016),Nikki 2 (07-03-2016),purpleclouds (07-03-2016)

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    146

    Article

    Interesting article.
    Thanks Manya

  7. The following user says thank you to Nikki 2 for this useful post:

    Manya (07-03-2016)

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