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Thread: Advice needed !!

  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    Advice needed !!

    Seeking advice from maybe someone who has been through similar , or just for someone to give me advice on what They think I should do because at this minute in time I just don't know.

    Almost 8 years ago something happened to me with a guy a bad guy who was bad news I was dating him for a short time and it ended up being the worst decision of my life. To cut a long horrid story short the person in question was sentenced to 15years after being found guilty unanimously by all 12 members of the jury of 8 charges , 2 of rape , 3 indecent assault and 3 common assault . 7 and half of those years to be served inside and 7 and a half on licence outside !! It's less than a year now until his release.

    My baby girl was just 5 months old at the time this all happened she is now 8 and without knowing has been my rock and helped me through everything . It's been a tough time to get through and certainly through my life of track i lost who I was , still to this day it effects me , I suffer bad anxiety at times and i feel I haven't the confidence I once had , I felt like about 2 years ago I came back to myself a bit but as the time draws closer to his release I'm closing in more and more , I have fabulous support from friends family and my partner of nearly 2 years , but sometimes I feel like no one really understands although they try especially the horrible anxiety I get .

    My question is what do I do from this all happened and he got put away I have always said by the time he gets out I will be away living somewhere else in a different country , but I have my daughter to think about and my partner , this is my struggle , I'm petrified so scared . Everyone says I've not worry because I will be fine but that's not want I think. Even the thought of ever seeing this inhuman being again makes me feel physically ill. I just want to live a happy life and not live in fear and no matter who tells me I'll be ok and what is put in place I'll still feel scared .. Counselling I have tried but this fear does not leave me .

    My question is how do I deal with this ? Has anyone ever been in a similar position where the knew the person was coming out of prison how did you deal with it and move on ? Do I have to face my fear to be able to move on ? Please help !

  2. #2
    Tasha1701D's Avatar
    Tasha1701D is offline Fort Security Chief & Stargazer
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Penguins & hugs work, no prayers or religious refs
    Can't really give advice, against site guidelines--we're just random ppl online, I don't know any better than the next Joe about things--but can totally share my own experiences with what you're talking about.

    I relate to the fear and anxiety you're talking about. I've been stalked for 16 years by someone who abused me. That has been a huge challenge for me, because even moving far away didn't stop them like I thought it would. My anxiety about it has gotten better over time and with help from my therapist, who I've been seeing for years. It wasn't an overnight journey for the therapy to help with my PTSD and anxiety, and I still have panic sometimes. What has helped me with the anxiety is making a plan for what I'll do if the person comes here to threaten me: I have my house set up so that there is a phone in every room so that it's easy for me to call the police if I need to, I have things on the doors and windows so that I'll know if there's an intrusion that way, etc. I also ended up getting to a point where it helped me to say to myself, "Ok, I've done all I can do to control my actions and environment, the rest is out of my hands." because I kept trying to anticipate what the person would do, but it was pretty stressful for me and was occupying too much of my bandwidth every day. It really helped when I was able to get myself to a point mentally where I stopped trying to anticipate what they might do, to be ok with the preparations that I had made to keep myself safe as much as reasonably possible, and then just go about my life as if this wasn't hanging over my head. That helped me feel like I had my life in my hands, instead of someone else who may or may not show up again controlling my actions.

    I'm still working on all the mental health issues that the trauma from the abuse I went through left me with, it's not a fast road for me, but I do know that I'm making progress--and things like seeing my therapist as well as being in a peer support group like Fort have helped me tremendously. Hope that you and your family are able to stay safe, that you're able to find the support you're looking for online and in 3D, and that the anxiety improves.

    May you have peace, live long, and prosper.

    "On the starship Enterprise, no one is alone." ~Capt. Jean-Luc Picard in The Bonding, ST:TNG Season 3
    "Seize the time, Meribor-live now! Make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again." ~Capt. Jean-Luc Picard as Kamin in The Inner Light, ST:TNG Season 5

  3. The following 4 users say thank you to Tasha1701D for this useful post:

    Jane (05-15-2016),Manya (05-13-2016),weepingwillow (05-13-2016),ZJ (05-13-2016)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Kindness & hugs.
    Nothing really to add to what Tasha has said...but do want say I understand the anxiety you are feeling...in your situation I think I also would be feeling anxious now your perps release date is pending. I am glad you have supportive friends and family - yep I know they do the "you'll be alright thing" as mine did but it was good to know I had their support (albeit came with ooodles of advice) ...that they were there for me.

    Sending you strength to help you face this challenging phase in your life.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  5. The following user says thank you to Jane for this useful post:

    weepingwillow (05-15-2016)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Please ask for permission to express affection.

    If I could give an advice

    This is a terrible situation to live in...
    I wish I had an advice.
    I can only share from my own experience that keeping yourself safe is a top priority.
    Nothing comes before personal safety.
    Your story echoes the time I've been living with an abusive roommate and had to flee my own apartment.
    How I cut off ties with abusive family members or distanced myself.
    The good thing about anxiety-it sometimes stimulates us and encourages us to keep our personal safety.

  7. The following user says thank you to Leafy for this useful post:

    weepingwillow (05-26-2016)

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