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Thread: I dont like celebrating Mothers Day

  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    I dont like celebrating Mothers Day

    Hello,
    I am someone who has been dealing with emotional sabotage for the last 10 years I would say. Initially growing up I thought I had wonderful parents. We went on trips together, did lot soff un things with me and my little sister. But that began to change when I turned 20 years old and started having my own voice. In high school I was the opposite of the rebellious person-followed all rules, didnt go out partying etc...At 20 years old I started to date-used to be very shy . Anyways Fro 20 yrs old on, my moms atittude began to change towards me, she would start commenting on my looks and comparing me to my cousins (if i gained weight she would say oh your legs look really thick) She has always been obsessive over cleanliness and if I ate anything downstairs in our basement even if it didnt make a mess she would freak out and yell loudly. My dad was very passive and when I would go crying to him he would say Just do what she says so clearly he is submissive to her control. I didnt see that all of these things actually stacked up to abuse until I met my husband. Previously had been in a relationship that had elements of emotional sabotage as well, but I left it and found someone who has treated me like im beyond perfect. Intially my mom was nice to my husband but then when she saw that my husband was going to always side with me she turned on him (she has a pattern of adoring a person for a period of months and then afterwards she hates them). Anyways she has said such mean things abotut he both of together- when we were getting ready for our wedding she interefered and tried to cause trouble-my in laws are wonderful people and tried to help us. anyways to sum it up I have been out of that house for 2 yrs but the emotional damage my mom inflicted still impacts me. I am very insecure about my weight (im 5 2 and about 122 pounds) My mom still says mean and hurtful things-i.e. I got a permanent teaching job after a long wait and she barely even cared). The last 2 weeks I have been freaking out about mothers day because I dont think she deserves anything and yet we are still going to visit and bringing flowers. Unfortunately alot of people dont know that my mom is the way she is. If you met her, youd thing shes a nice person and friendly but she isnt and it is frustrating that I cant go around telling everyone that she is a cold hurtful person who bullies me and my sister

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
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    Southern Illinois
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    Just please don't call me "hun"?
    I came here today wanting to write something like this and your practically wrote it for me. My mom has lots of good qualities but now she is so elderly and having mental issues. Even so she still manages to make me and my siblings feel like second class citizens to our step siblings who have been virtually absent during their father's demise last year. Working through this stuff at the same time being her primary caregiver has been very difficult and it's hard for me not to ask questions and probe her to figure out why my childhood was so screwed up. It will take everything I have to go there today and be nice and not just turn around and leave because I will be there everyday after this, sunday is my day off from her. Sounds cold and maybe it is but she has been cold about a lot my whole life and I feel betrayed in a big way. Thanks for your post! We will get through this day with as much peace as we can!
    "And I won't take from you what you can't take from me
    And I'll leave nothing here that you can't use upon your trip
    And I won't take from you what you can't take from me
    And I'll leave nothing here but love and milk aplenty for your tea, yeah "


    'We're All Light" - XTC

  3. The following 2 users say thank you to Neurose for this useful post:

    Jane (05-08-2016),rainbowpigeon (05-08-2016)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    3

    Mothers Day has always been hard for me, too

    I hope you don't mind if I vent. I have to say this to someone outside of me.

    Mother's Day has always been a hard one for me, with everyone posting wonderful things about their moms. but this year it's hitting me so hard!! I want to scream, "Not every mom deserves to be honored. I'm 54 years old and I find myself like a little child still wanting a mothers arms to rock me and love me. I still feel unlovable no matter how much I know this isn't true. When I do see a mother cuddling her child, I still find that inside I'm dying for a chance to know what that feels like. Dying to know what it would feel like to be pure and not contaminated. Dying to really truly know that someone loves me. Logically, I know my daughter loves me but inside I still doubt it, I can't feel it. Why I can't I heal this inside me? I've let what she did to me go it's what she didn't give me that I don't know what to do without anymore. My lil grandgirl was born and I have been able to connect with her even more than I knew how to with my kids. I've been able to actually feel love from Her like I've never experienced before, which shows I'm growing!
    About two weeks ago I went to a chiropractor, this woman does reiki too. The moment she touched me I just started bawling.
    Now, Today I went to give English classes to my friends daughters, she gave me a shoulder and arm massage to help reduce my pain and once again the moment she touched me I started bawling. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop the tears from flowing as she worked on me. It's like my body is screaming for lack of loving touch. Not sexual touch! No one seems to understand when I say dying for lack of touch. Everyone thinks I need a man. ITS NOT THAT KIND OF TOUCH I NEED. it's like I'm talking a foreign language and I'll die because I can't get through to anyone. I wish I knew how to heal this.
    Then I get on fb and it All about honoring mothers with end statements like, if you love your mom post this. Then even if I wanted to share it because it's good, I can't because I don't love her. Would you love the devil?

    Enough ranting. Thanks for listening. Happy Mothers Day!!

  5. The following 3 users say thank you to cjandthegang for this useful post:

    Jane (05-08-2016),Neurose (05-08-2016),rainbowpigeon (05-08-2016)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    Kindness & hugs.
    Can really relate to this conversation. The yearning for a mother's comforting presence...for me that started in childhood and never went away. Was a double jeopardy really...not only did her behaviour deny me her physical and emotional support she replaced it with subtle and not so subtle hurtful comments and behaviours. Still causes a hurting space my heart when I think about it. Remember as a child reading a fairy tale about some one being granted three wishes...and thinking wish it was me....could ask the good fairy to make my mother love me.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  7. The following 3 users say thank you to Jane for this useful post:

    Neurose (05-08-2016),rainbowpigeon (05-08-2016),Suze (05-08-2016)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    3

    I so understand the insecurities of weight.

    I so I understand your insecurities about your weight. My mom was the same. When we would come home from school mom would make us a snack while everyone else got a sandwich, I got carrot sticks. I grew up thinks nag it was for my good cause I was already so fat. I'm 54 years old now and 2 years ago someone gave me a picture of me and my siblings, of when I was 8. I couldn't believe my eyes,,,,, I wasn't a fat kid at all! I couldn't believe it and I kept staring at myself wondering why I only ever saw myself as huge. Weight doesn't really make a difference for me. Whether I'm fluctuating between 120-180. When I look in the mirror, I'm huge! I just keep loving who I am, who ch is kind, loving, giving, caring, empathetic and sweet! And every once in awhile I forget that old garbage and catch a glimpse at how awesome my body does look! My daughter took me in front of the mirror everyday on her way to work for 2 years, showing me how much we looked alike and that the same beauty I saw in her was the same beauty she sees in me. That my perception was damaged and I was looking through cracked glass and I needed to trust hers until my lenses were repaired. She was born an angel! Hang in there girl! Don't judge yourself through cracked lenses, OK!


    Unregistered;366508]Hello,
    I am someone who has been dealing with emotional sabotage for the last 10 years I would say. Initially growing up I thought I had wonderful parents. We went on trips together, did lot soff un things with me and my little sister. But that began to change when I turned 20 years old and started having my own voice. In high school I was the opposite of the rebellious person-followed all rules, didnt go out partying etc...At 20 years old I started to date-used to be very shy . Anyways Fro 20 yrs old on, my moms atittude began to change towards me, she would start commenting on my looks and comparing me to my cousins (if i gained weight she would say oh your legs look really thick) She has always been obsessive over cleanliness and if I ate anything downstairs in our basement even if it didnt make a mess she would freak out and yell loudly. My dad was very passive and when I would go crying to him he would say Just do what she says so clearly he is submissive to her control. I didnt see that all of these things actually stacked up to abuse until I met my husband. Previously had been in a relationship that had elements of emotional sabotage as well, but I left it and found someone who has treated me like im beyond perfect. Intially my mom was nice to my husband but then when she saw that my husband was going to always side with me she turned on him (she has a pattern of adoring a person for a period of months and then afterwards she hates them). Anyways she has said such mean things abotut he both of together- when we were getting ready for our wedding she interefered and tried to cause trouble-my in laws are wonderful people and tried to help us. anyways to sum it up I have been out of that house for 2 yrs but the emotional damage my mom inflicted still impacts me. I am very insecure about my weight (im 5 2 and about 122 pounds) My mom still says mean and hurtful things-i.e. I got a permanent teaching job after a long wait and she barely even cared). The last 2 weeks I have been freaking out about mothers day because I dont think she deserves anything and yet we are still going to visit and bringing flowers. Unfortunately alot of people dont know that my mom is the way she is. If you met her, youd thing shes a nice person and friendly but she isnt and it is frustrating that I cant go around telling everyone that she is a cold hurtful person who bullies me and my sister[/QUOTE]

  9. The following user says thank you to cjandthegang for this useful post:

    weepingwillow (05-11-2016)

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